CancerCompass message board discussion started by gr8ful4itall on 4/10/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,22916,0.htm Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ As some of you might know, I've only been on this board about 3 months. I had an entry almost a week ago concerning doctors in Colorado. If you didn't read the posting I'll fill you in.Try to not get lost! My husband and I live in PA. His mother and father also live here (about 30-45 minutes away) They are a very close family. His mother ( which I take to treatment once a week and visit twice) was dx with GBM in February. Now my husband is the only one that works in our family. I am a homemaker and we have 2 children under 4...So, my husband got a job offer in Colorado making almost double what he makes now. Right now things are very tight for us for me to stay home with the kids. It would be a great opportunity for my husband as he is being hired to do what he does now, but in a year a management position would open up which would be even more money and opportunity for advancement...My dilemma is that we feel guilty. Now I know that no one other than the Lord knows what is in store for his mom. This is such an awful disease. We realize we could only have a few months with her and then again we could have a few years or more. It's just not known. I have prayed to God to give me wisdom and the ability to help my husband make this decision. I don't know if it's God's will but I feel compelled to have my husband take this offer. I don't know why and I can't explain it. Before this I would NEVER have contemplated moving that far away.(All of my family lives here in PA as well--really close) I can't even type this without tearing up...I'm so torn. I am afraid if we move and the treatments aren't working for her and she gets worse and passes away, then we will have this guilt, like.."why weren't we there for her when we could have been"..then other times I wonder.."is this the Lord choosing another path that he wants for us?" I pray about it all the time and I just can't make a decision. Does anyone have any advice or experienced anything like this? I'm finally done..thanks for listening and God bless~ gr8ful4itall Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi thereIs there any other family that could possibly help with mom? I am wondering why it was that your husband applied for a position in Colorado in the first place, unless he is doing what the Bible says, and providing for his family? I live in Colorado and my husband is from PA. His mom is back there and has had a few operations and unfortunately, he hasnt been there for her as much as he wishes he could, but he knows that this is his place, and to take care of his family. I think God is giving you the answers, or the job wouldnt have been offered. When you get to Colorado, or if you want to talk to me before that, feel free to email me. I'd be happy to talk with you! Carol Momofsurvivor Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT It is obvious to me that you want to do what is right for your family and also live within the will of God.  God will bless you for taking Him into consideration in all these things.  I cannot tell you and your husband what God is leading you to do; what I can tell you is that 1 Corinthians 14:33 clearly states "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all chruches of the saints."  I believe you can KNOW whether this job is what God wants for you.  If you continue to pray about this and do not feel that you are given clear direction from God that takes care of any confusion you are feeling, then you should safely assume this is not God's will for your family.If you feel the confusion leave you, and you feel convicted that God wants your family to make this move (even in spite of your mother-in-law's cancer), then you should not allow yourself to feel guilt over following God's will in your live.May you and your husband be in tune with God to know what He wants for your life.... Brenda, daugher of Leo, dx 01/12/07, Gliosarcoma, left this earth to be with the Lord on 01/30/2008...Today, he is singing with the saints!!!!!!!  Midmogal Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I think it's silly to bring God into this.  Here's the question in a nutshell:Do I want to make more money or spend time with my mother before she dies.If you can't pay your bills then the answer is probably pretty obvious; move to Colorado.  If you can...Here are some other questions:What does mom want me to do?Why on earth would someone pay me 2X to do the same thing?  Is there a commisserate cost of living increase?  Am I really qualified for the job, or is my boss going to be such an a$$hole that they have to pay people that much to make them stay?Will there be similar opportunities in a year or two?  If so, maybe its best to wait.In 1995 my father was diagnosed with a GBM.  I lived 3 hours away and drove to see him and my mother every other week.  I was 24 and had a degree in Aerospace Engineering.  I worked repossessing furniture for a rent to own company making only $8.50/Hr.  Nothing could have made me move farther away.  Three years later I finally landed a job in Engineering.  The point is, everybody makes sacrifices because of GBM.  Ken s Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/10/2008 Midmogal wrote:It is obvious to me that you want to do what is right for your family and also live within the will of God.  God will bless you for taking Him into consideration in all these things.  I cannot tell you and your husband what God is leading you to do; what I can tell you is that 1 Corinthians 14:33 clearly states "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all chruches of the saints."  I believe you can KNOW whether this job is what God wants for you.  If you continue to pray about this and do not feel that you are given clear direction from God that takes care of any confusion you are feeling, then you should safely assume this is not God's will for your family.If you feel the confusion leave you, and you feel convicted that God wants your family to make this move (even in spite of your mother-in-law's cancer), then you should not allow yourself to feel guilt over following God's will in your live.May you and your husband be in tune with God to know what He wants for your life.... Brenda, daugher of Leo, dx 01/12/07, Gliosarcoma, left this earth to be with the Lord on 01/30/2008...Today, he is singing with the saints!!!!!!!  Thanks so much for your response. Like I told Carol in a private response..my husband does have a brother and sister in law, but they aren't exactly close with his parents. They can't take care of their 2 children let alone a brain cancer patient. Also I will not apologize for having God involved. I believe he is in control of everything. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs and he is mine. I do appreciate everyone's input though and thanks for responding. gr8ful4itall Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/10/2008 Ken s wrote:I think it's silly to bring God into this.  Here's the question in a nutshell:Do I want to make more money or spend time with my mother before she dies.If you can't pay your bills then the answer is probably pretty obvious; move to Colorado.  If you can...Here are some other questions:What does mom want me to do?Why on earth would someone pay me 2X to do the same thing?  Is there a commisserate cost of living increase?  Am I really qualified for the job, or is my boss going to be such an a$$hole that they have to pay people that much to make them stay?Will there be similar opportunities in a year or two?  If so, maybe its best to wait.In 1995 my father was diagnosed with a GBM.  I lived 3 hours away and drove to see him and my mother every other week.  I was 24 and had a degree in Aerospace Engineering.  I worked repossessing furniture for a rent to own company making only $8.50/Hr.  Nothing could have made me move farther away.  Three years later I finally landed a job in Engineering.  The point is, everybody makes sacrifices because of GBM.  Ken SReally harsh.  I think you brought up some good points about taking the cost of living in Colorado into consideration, but don't hit the poor lady over the head with your message.  As my mama always said, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar!"Jackiekay jackiekay Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/10/2008 gr8ful4itall wrote:As some of you might know, I've only been on this board about 3 months. I had an entry almost a week ago concerning doctors in Colorado. If you didn't read the posting I'll fill you in.Try to not get lost! My husband and I live in PA. His mother and father also live here (about 30-45 minutes away) They are a very close family. His mother ( which I take to treatment once a week and visit twice) was dx with GBM in February. Now my husband is the only one that works in our family. I am a homemaker and we have 2 children under 4...So, my husband got a job offer in Colorado making almost double what he makes now. Right now things are very tight for us for me to stay home with the kids. It would be a great opportunity for my husband as he is being hired to do what he does now, but in a year a management position would open up which would be even more money and opportunity for advancement...My dilemma is that we feel guilty. Now I know that no one other than the Lord knows what is in store for his mom. This is such an awful disease. We realize we could only have a few months with her and then again we could have a few years or more. It's just not known. I have prayed to God to give me wisdom and the ability to help my husband make this decision. I don't know if it's God's will but I feel compelled to have my husband take this offer. I don't know why and I can't explain it. Before this I would NEVER have contemplated moving that far away.(All of my family lives here in PA as well--really close) I can't even type this without tearing up...I'm so torn. I am afraid if we move and the treatments aren't working for her and she gets worse and passes away, then we will have this guilt, like.."why weren't we there for her when we could have been"..then other times I wonder.."is this the Lord choosing another path that he wants for us?" I pray about it all the time and I just can't make a decision. Does anyone have any advice or experienced anything like this? I'm finally done..thanks for listening and God bless~Dear gr8fulYou are in a difficult position.  In your last post, you mentioned taking your in-laws with you to Colorado.  I privately sent you some info on a dr. out there.  Is that not an option now?  It would be extremely difficult to move an ill person across the country, but so is leaving them behind.You have not mentioned how your husband or your in-laws feel about the situation.  This sounds like it needs to be a group decision.  I think with starting a new job, it would be difficult for your husband to get time off work to travel back and forth.  Also, travelling would be another expense added to the cost of living in CO.I have said a prayer for you and yours as you make this monumental decision.Jackiekay jackiekay Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Jackie:You're right my reply was harsh, but sometimes that's the kind of shock people need to break the log jam.  Other times it just makes me a jerk.  Sorry if it was one of those other times.As far as catching flies with honey or vinegar.  I'm not trying to catch any flies at all.  I have no personal stake in whether or not they move to Colorado.  I personnally would regret it.  I hope whatever decision is made it works out well. Ken s Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/10/2008 jackiekay wrote: On 4/10/2008 gr8ful4itall wrote:As some of you might know, I've only been on this board about 3 months. I had an entry almost a week ago concerning doctors in Colorado. If you didn't read the posting I'll fill you in.Try to not get lost! My husband and I live in PA. His mother and father also live here (about 30-45 minutes away) They are a very close family. His mother ( which I take to treatment once a week and visit twice) was dx with GBM in February. Now my husband is the only one that works in our family. I am a homemaker and we have 2 children under 4...So, my husband got a job offer in Colorado making almost double what he makes now. Right now things are very tight for us for me to stay home with the kids. It would be a great opportunity for my husband as he is being hired to do what he does now, but in a year a management position would open up which would be even more money and opportunity for advancement...My dilemma is that we feel guilty. Now I know that no one other than the Lord knows what is in store for his mom. This is such an awful disease. We realize we could only have a few months with her and then again we could have a few years or more. It's just not known. I have prayed to God to give me wisdom and the ability to help my husband make this decision. I don't know if it's God's will but I feel compelled to have my husband take this offer. I don't know why and I can't explain it. Before this I would NEVER have contemplated moving that far away.(All of my family lives here in PA as well--really close) I can't even type this without tearing up...I'm so torn. I am afraid if we move and the treatments aren't working for her and she gets worse and passes away, then we will have this guilt, like.."why weren't we there for her when we could have been"..then other times I wonder.."is this the Lord choosing another path that he wants for us?" I pray about it all the time and I just can't make a decision. Does anyone have any advice or experienced anything like this? I'm finally done..thanks for listening and God bless~Dear gr8fulYou are in a difficult position.  In your last post, you mentioned taking your in-laws with you to Colorado.  I privately sent you some info on a dr. out there.  Is that not an option now?  It would be extremely difficult to move an ill person across the country, but so is leaving them behind.You have not mentioned how your husband or your in-laws feel about the situation.  This sounds like it needs to be a group decision.  I think with starting a new job, it would be difficult for your husband to get time off work to travel back and forth.  Also, travelling would be another expense added to the cost of living in CO.I have said a prayer for you and yours as you make this monumental decision.JackiekayThanks for your follow-up Jackie. Right now we're deciding whether the option of his parents moving with us is possbile. It will definitely change our cost of living because we'll need to get a house big enough for all of us. Right now what we're coming up with is this..possibly his parents staying here at our house we have in PA for a couple months..one, because his mom doesn't get her first MRI for another month and second, we need to make sure this big job move is going to work. We all think that would be best. Then we'll see what is going to happen with her treatment and how her tests come back. If a move is possible it's looking like they we may just sell the house then and all of us live together. It will definitely cost us more but my father-in-law is still working so it would definitely be "do-able" I appreciate everyones compassion and concern--even Ken S (lol) I know everyone is just trying to help. Thanks and God bless~  gr8ful4itall Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I am with you Ken on this issue!!!Moving away when your loved ones need you the most? Never- at least not me. To me its not even a question of need-Even if you have a dozen siblings helping your sick father or mother I would stay for my own sanity. I will not even get into the God issue, because this is not the place, but face it, a better financial future is driving you to move and certainly not God. Would God make people move away from your own sick parents just to be better off financially??? I very much doubt that. But than again, religious people have an explanation for almost everything. I lost my father to GBM 4 months ago. I went through everything with him all the treatments and all the ER visits and all the MRI's and doctor visits. I was in a lot more pain than he was because I knew that it is just a question of time before I will lose him. No God, job or amount of $$$ could have taken me away from my dear old father who I have loved for only 40 years.But then again, we will have to live with the choices we make.Joe Chiroman95 Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Wow....your post seems to have sparked quite a bit of conversation and opinions. I figure, why not add my own!  I personally made the decision to leave my very well paying job to move home and take care of my mom. I am now working part time for minimum wage. The lifestyle I was living before all this happened is a thing of the past. I've been living with my mom for 9 months now and while I miss the big paycheck and the freedom I had before all this happened, I'm more thankful to have been given this extra time with my mom. Had I chosen my job and "paycheck" over my mom I think I would have been full of regret in the long run. I have to wonder what is your husbands stand on all this? From my own personal experience, my brothers have continued on with their lives the same as before. I just feel that men have different ways of handling this kind of emotional stress and I can't help but wonder if his accepting a job so far away is just an easy out. Now I know there are some very exceptional men, both caregivers and patients, on this site....I'm only speaking of the experience I've had with the men in my life. It sounds like he really needs to do some soul searching and make a decision of how involved he wants to be with his mother. The answer may surprise you, but maybe that is the real answer you are searching for.  Best of luck to you and your family....-h-p.s. I think Ken is just the voice of reason...I don't think he was trying to hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes we need someone to say what we don't expect anyone else to and I think in this case, that was him. spagirl9191 Sat, 12 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi again everyone... My message has brought up sooo much controversy!So thank you all for you suggestions, but we have decided...my mother in law finishes her first round of treatment on Wednesday, she gets her results on May 2nd. My husband has told the job offer that they will need to wait until then for his decision. If his mom isn't doing well and her results aren't positive then we're staying here in PA. If his mom is doing well, we will go, with her blessing of course(which she's already given) and try the job out 6 months. If these 6 months work out, we will be bringing his mom and dad out to live with us in Colorado. It will work out for everyone including his mom who is actually delighted at the thought of living with us. And since I stay at home with the kids already, even if I have to take care of her full time, it will be possible. Thank you all for your prayers and concern...I sure do appreciate it. God bless you all~ gr8ful4itall Sat, 12 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I hope that you realize that 6 months for a GBM patient is not the same as 6 months to you and I without GBM. For most of the GBM patients 6 months is half of their prognosis. Chiroman95 Sat, 12 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT