CancerCompass message board discussion started by Annie59 on 4/14/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,23058,0.htm Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I'm having a hard time.  I've just done my 9th round of chemo, broke out in hives for the first time, have intense muscle pain in my neck and shoulders, have extremely cold feet (in more ways that one) and I just don't want to do my next 3 rounds.  I also am doing neupogen so it's chemo one week, plus sick in bed for about 4-5 days feel like crap today and now I have to start injecting neupogen in afew days and will have bone pain from that.  I'm having more bad days than good now and I'm fighting this in my head that I don't want to do this anymore!!!  I've been crying most of the day contemplating on calling my onc. and calling it quits.  I ponder the thought of continueing to a point where they're going to say STOP anyhow cause it's causing more bad than good.....but what if  I need those last few cycles......????  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!   I've never had anxiety about going for chemo before, but when I broke out in hives and the way the benadryl knocked me out....hey....I didn't like it one bit and now Ive got so much anxiety over this, I don't know what to do.   Has anyone decided to stop their own treatment>?  Has anyone experienced the aching muscles in neck and shoulders and back???  Where is this coming from???       Anna Annie59 Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hello, I want to write to let you know that my mother is just finishing her 6th folfox chemo session, her oncologist wants her to do 12 treatments, but a 2nd opinion doctor said he'd be happy if she was able to do 6. (she was diagnosed late Nov '07 with Stage 3 colon cancer, had surgery, 4 out of 24 lymphnodes cancerous). I've read alot about this and talked to alot of people, it seems that most people try to get through as many treatments as possible or recommended, but once it gets to be too much then it's too much (where the side effects outweight the benefits). I think you should talk to your Oncologist, I know my mom was filled with anxiety and upset and depressed 2 weeks ago after her 5th chemo (she got very naeseous) and she SO wanted to call it quits. We encouraged her to wait a week and then TALK to her doctor. They reduced the dosage by about 25%, they can do that, so you should talk to your Doctor. Most people have to have the dosage adjusted for their body, it might be worth asking your Dr. if the dosage can be reduced a bit to alleviate some of the side effects but still get the benefits of the chemo. Also, sometimes if you're really feeling bad they can give you a week more off between treatements. I would encourage you to TELL your doctor all your side effects, they need to know and then they can help make a decision and/or present you with alternatives like lowering the dosage. Talk it out, take it one treatment at a time, and don't suffer in silence, talk to the Doctor. Best Wishes and Hang in there, take it easy, breathe, one day at a time... MegMac Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Anna,I had sever muscle cramping/spasms in my back, chest and abdomen often when I lied down and sometimes when I sat down.  I recently finished my last treatment (#13) and the cramping/spasms have gone away.I have heard that it is common to develop an allergy to oxaliplatin. I am not sure if that is where the hives were coming from, but I started to get a fever and chills towards the end of my treatment of oxaliplatin.  Perhaps they can either reduce the dose or give you an antihistamine (such as Benadryl). Take courage going into the last three treatments.   I think in the long run you will be glad you did.   God bless. Andy in Tucson ArizonaAndy Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi  I'm Folfox, etc and have 3 more to go.  I had a recurrence in Oct Last year and had surgery which did not accomplsh what we nedded to do.  I had radiation and oral chemo in Dec last year.  It seemed to do the trick and now the plan is for Folfox, etc. to kill any remaining microscopic cells that are left.  Do the last three if you have to stand on your head!!  It could prevent recurrence and you don't want to go what I have had to endure the 4 months.  Good luck. Arnold Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT My mom had colon cancer that spread to her lungs and her liver. She was doing rounds of chemo that were eight hours on Tuesday then she would go home with a "chemo bag" Tuesday and have it until Thursday when she would do another eight hour day. This would happen every other week. Then she moved to a stronger chemo that was once a week every week and she was so sick. By the time she was feeling a little better she was back in there getting chemo again. She decided to stop her treatment and talked to my brother and I about it. She just wanted to feel good and was tired of taking medicine for the constipation then taking another medication because the last one gave her headaches. She just wanted to enjoy her life and I always told her "I'd rather have you around 3 months of you feeling good and being yourself then 6 months with you sick in bed and just down." I don't know if that helps or not. VikingChic84 Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Having chemo or not is an individual choice.  However, being in bed for 6 months with the possibility of coming up NED still facing you is the more important point, I think.  The life after potential remission possibility is something to think about. Arnold Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/14/2008 Annie59 wrote:I'm having a hard time.  I've just done my 9th round of chemo, broke out in hives for the first time, have intense muscle pain in my neck and shoulders, have extremely cold feet (in more ways that one) and I just don't want to do my next 3 rounds.  I also am doing neupogen so it's chemo one week, plus sick in bed for about 4-5 days feel like crap today and now I have to start injecting neupogen in afew days and will have bone pain from that.  I'm having more bad days than good now and I'm fighting this in my head that I don't want to do this anymore!!!  I've been crying most of the day contemplating on calling my onc. and calling it quits.  I ponder the thought of continueing to a point where they're going to say STOP anyhow cause it's causing more bad than good.....but what if  I need those last few cycles......????  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!   I've never had anxiety about going for chemo before, but when I broke out in hives and the way the benadryl knocked me out....hey....I didn't like it one bit and now Ive got so much anxiety over this, I don't know what to do.   Has anyone decided to stop their own treatment>?  Has anyone experienced the aching muscles in neck and shoulders and back???  Where is this coming from???       AnnaHi Anna, My name is Mariann. I have been a Cancer survivor for almost 3 years, I was diagnosed with Lung cancer in Nov of 03 they removed a section of my Lung and I was told that due to early stages not really even a 1 that I did not need any chemo or other treatment, 13 months later I developed Adrenal gland Cancer and had it removed, again I was told no chemo, in a way I was relieved but also scared because I thought maybe if they had given me chemo the first time I would not have had a reacurrence ( God's will not mine)..Anyhow I have seen and heard so many different aspects about chemo that for me if it ever comes down to taking it, I would really have to pray hard because like you I want to live what life I am blessed with feeling the best I can for how ever long that would be. I know that we as Cancer patients deal with all the emotional junk that goes along with the big C, is it comming back, when is it comming, how do I live each day without fear, feeling stuck in a rut of wanting to move forward but afraid that we may not have the chance to fulfill our dreams, I too like you get tired of being sick and tired..so for me step by step breath by breath I just keep going one day at a time, and thanking the Lord for what he has blessed me with LIFE, I am still here. Anna, talk to your Doctor, talk to a friend, to your family,talk to God, fighting Cancer how ever you choose to do it is your decision. I also have anxiety, every three months I go in for test ie, IV starts with no veins insight, it takes them at least 5 trys to hit a vein and I get so disgusted with the whole process that I want to run to cry to just give up, but somehow I get thru it, and I know you will to. I wish for you strenght, hope,faith, and endurance, I will keep you in my prayers..Stay strong. 4 Given Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/14/2008 Annie59 wrote:I'm having a hard time.  I've just done my 9th round of chemo, broke out in hives for the first time, have intense muscle pain in my neck and shoulders, have extremely cold feet (in more ways that one) and I just don't want to do my next 3 rounds.  I also am doing neupogen so it's chemo one week, plus sick in bed for about 4-5 days feel like crap today and now I have to start injecting neupogen in afew days and will have bone pain from that.  I'm having more bad days than good now and I'm fighting this in my head that I don't want to do this anymore!!!  I've been crying most of the day contemplating on calling my onc. and calling it quits.  I ponder the thought of continueing to a point where they're going to say STOP anyhow cause it's causing more bad than good.....but what if  I need those last few cycles......????  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!   I've never had anxiety about going for chemo before, but when I broke out in hives and the way the benadryl knocked me out....hey....I didn't like it one bit and now Ive got so much anxiety over this, I don't know what to do.   Has anyone decided to stop their own treatment>?  Has anyone experienced the aching muscles in neck and shoulders and back???  Where is this coming from???       AnnaI agree with the post that says to have chemo or not is a choice you have to make.  I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer November of 2003.First time around I did 10 months of chemo with two delays.  My first chemo my liver wanted to give up, but after a week and some steroids it was functioning normally.  Then I had a blood clot in my calf, which delayed treatment for a couple of weeks.  I went into remission in December of 2004 but it was short lived and a tumor reappeared in my abdomen which was detected by a petscan in early 2006. So had surgery removed the tumor in march of 2006 only to have another grow back in same area two month later.  I've been on chemo this time around since july of 2006.  I have chemo every week and I look like the acne kid and share those same back and bone pains you experience but mine is from the tumor and my by weekly neulasta injections.  I've had every side effect you can imagine other than those that are fatal.   I only mention what I've been through to let you know despite the side effects etc. You can continue on chemo and learn to live with the side effects. Also as mentioned in other posts, talk to your doctor, they don't want you to suffer so they can do all the things mentioned, change dosage, add other drugs to fight the side effects you are having, and change the frequency of the treatments.  If you can and want to fight I've found it is usually best to try to do the treatments as scheduled. I know this may sound odd but I've found walking on a treadmill reduces my back and bone pain from the neulasta shots and also from the tumor that is in the lower left side of my back but unfortunately too close to a major artery to treat with anything other than chemo or surgery and since it keeps growing back surgery isn't much of an option.I've pretty much had every drug they have for colon cancer and understand your pain and feeling of wanting to stop treatment.  Trying to do what you normally do fighting the pain and anxiety also helps me.  Along with pain medication of oxycodone and I also take adavan which is both for nausea and anxiety.  It's pretty much the only drug that worked for me on the nausea side effect.  Well other than Marinol if legal in your state it works good on the side effects of pain and nausea but puts a dent in your food budget as it makes you want to eat everything in sight and gives you urges to watch cheech and chong movies. :) One of the first people I met after having my colonectomy was a woman who had been fighthing recurring cancer for 13 yrs. Not one to normally believe in fate, I now think it was fate that I met her.  She told me she had fought this disease for 13yrs and after her most recent surgery she decided that was it for her, either it cured her or she was letting the disease run it's course.  She told me when you can no longer do anything you enjoy you aren't really living and that she was no longer living.  She'd continued to fight for some of the years for her husband. I do the same for my teenage daughters, but also because I believe I can beat the disease and refuse to let it win without as much fight as I have in me.  I never seen that woman again, but I always keep what she told me in mind.  Although my life isn't quite what it used to be I still find the side effects and treatments still outweigh the alternative so I choose to continue to fight.  I try to keep a positive attitude and find something good out of the bad.   I know all of us responding to your message and even those who have never read it would want you to fight because you are so early in treatment you have a better chance of recovery if you complete your treatments.  That and every survivor is an inspiration to those who still fight the battle. Having said that I revert to my first part of the message that it is a decision that can only be made by you because only you know what is best for you and what you want for what remains of your life whether it be 6 months or 20 years.  Also consult your physician they can make it less painful.  Good luck in whatever choice you make. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. PS.  The rambling messages are a side effect I have, I blame it on the chemo :)    Stever1955 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT dear stevor1955,  thank you so much for your words and thoughts.  I did speak with my oncologist and asked his opinion about me stopping treatments---he said it was' fine' that my allergic reaction would prob. continue and that it could become 'dangerous'... well, that helped me make this decision,   also my doc said that at this point the chemo either has done it;s job or hasn't.......?????    Today. now, when I'm having a good day I start to question myself.....man.....it's such a struggle....I know others ,  YOU, have been through so much more than me and have endured so much more suffering that I 'm feeling like a 'baby' for stopping chemo but I'm also afraid of how much harder it is now for me to recover from treatment.  What's so wrong with stopping now,  having some tests done now and checking out where I stand???????   If they find something..... so I start over again....at least in afew weeks I will be stronger emotionally and physically but I'm not strong for another chemo next week after breaking out in hives and it taking me afew days longer to recover.     All I can do now is hope and pray for the best, try to be good to myself,and I need to be strong and accept the decision I made. and do my best to carry on.                             Anna Annie59 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT hi mariann,  thank you for your support.   I know that in the end it is my decision and I have to live with that.  I just feel that I've had surgery to remove the tumour and lymph nodes and the chemo is the 'preventative measure'  I know it's 'c' and it can come back anytime it feels like it, but I also know that I can't go in that room on Tue. for another round because now I have sooo much fear and anxiety after getting hives last week.   'to do or not to do'...yes, even tho I've made my decision, today when I'm feeling good I am still struggling with it.  I can only hope and pray that I've made the right choice because I have to live with it.  My husband supports my decision, my kids are upset.... and that bothers me  I don't want them to be scared.  They know cancer......it has already taken away my first born son 22 yrs. ago at the age of 2.....I know cancer......we all know what it is capable of...................Anna Annie59 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/18/2008 Annie59 wrote:hi mariann,  thank you for your support.   I know that in the end it is my decision and I have to live with that.  I just feel that I've had surgery to remove the tumour and lymph nodes and the chemo is the 'preventative measure'  I know it's 'c' and it can come back anytime it feels like it, but I also know that I can't go in that room on Tue. for another round because now I have sooo much fear and anxiety after getting hives last week.   'to do or not to do'...yes, even tho I've made my decision, today when I'm feeling good I am still struggling with it.  I can only hope and pray that I've made the right choice because I have to live with it.  My husband supports my decision, my kids are upset.... and that bothers me  I don't want them to be scared.  They know cancer......it has already taken away my first born son 22 yrs. ago at the age of 2.....I know cancer......we all know what it is capable of...................AnnaHi Again, I am sorry I read your name wrong, is it Annie or Anna? I was very sad to hear about your son, I cant even imagine what it would be like to lose a child. It's strange how Cancer effects us, I lost my sister to "C" as I was being diagnosed for the second time, she didnt even know that she had it, she was on vacation and her back started hurting, three weeks later she was gone, sometimes I wish it would have been me only because I would'nt have to live each day in fear, I hate that Cancer has robbed me of what my life was like before, but then again I am grateful for it bringing me closer to God, and appreciating what I most took for granted, I am grateful for every new day, even winter and I truly hate being cold  :-).... I am glad that your Husband supports your decision mine does also, we talk about what I want when and if the time comes, he doesnt like too but it's a journey that we face together, I have 2 daughters and they both have a hard time with the thought of losing me, one just doesnt want to face it the other is pretty open but hates it just the same, I am so grateful that they are grown, it would have been alot harder on me if they were still small, how old are your children? if you dont mind my asking what and where is your Cancer? I was just re-reading your letter, I use to have panic attacks they are to me second behind 'c' sneaky, scarey, and the systoms were always changing, I never really new when they were going to come mostly out of the blue when things were going ok or at least I thought they were, I can remember my heart raceing, going numb, getting sweaty, all kinds of things, they would come while I was driving, or when I was alone, at the store I truly became afraid of alot of things, but guess what they saved my life, I went thru this for 2 years not knowing what was happening to me, 9 times out of 10 I ended up going to the E.R thinking I was having a heart attack, one day I was driving to the store and had to stop and ask for help because I coulnt breath, I was taken to the hospital, and after running test, they seen a small spot on my lung, if they had not shot that x-ray while I was semi laying  up on the bed they never would of seen it, it also helped that who ever read my x-ray was a blessing. Sounds strange but after all I have been thru with surgeries, the pain the fear they are gone. Please think of this after all you have gone thru behind you and ahead ,you like me and all the other Cancer patients have faced death in one way or another what could be more scareier than that!! we are fighters whether we want to be or not, so again my new friend,stay strong...God Bless 4 Given Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/14/2008 Annie59 wrote:I'm having a hard time.  I've just done my 9th round of chemo, broke out in hives for the first time, have intense muscle pain in my neck and shoulders, have extremely cold feet (in more ways that one) and I just don't want to do my next 3 rounds.  I also am doing neupogen so it's chemo one week, plus sick in bed for about 4-5 days feel like crap today and now I have to start injecting neupogen in afew days and will have bone pain from that.  I'm having more bad days than good now and I'm fighting this in my head that I don't want to do this anymore!!!  I've been crying most of the day contemplating on calling my onc. and calling it quits.  I ponder the thought of continueing to a point where they're going to say STOP anyhow cause it's causing more bad than good.....but what if  I need those last few cycles......????  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!   I've never had anxiety about going for chemo before, but when I broke out in hives and the way the benadryl knocked me out....hey....I didn't like it one bit and now Ive got so much anxiety over this, I don't know what to do.   Has anyone decided to stop their own treatment>?  Has anyone experienced the aching muscles in neck and shoulders and back???  Where is this coming from???       AnnaAnna,I was told Aug04 I had colon cancer and had 3-6 months,well as you can see,that was almost 4 years ago!! I wont lie and say it was easy but it was VERY MUCH WELL WORTH IT! I had awful side effects too and still have some of them today.I decided a long time ago I would rather be real sick for awhile then dead. However it is a VERY PERSONAL choice,but keep in mind you will have some very bad days once in awhile and thats "ok" they have there place in this journey and can actually make you feel better once you cry,stamp your feet  and yell! HA-HA  What I found helped on the days I dident think I could handle anymore was say..ok,today I can do whatever I have to,to get through this day.Take one day at a time so it doesnt overwelm you (and your family) When it did get too much ONE time I just skipped that week and it was enough to get me mentally and healthy enough to go on.Please dont give up.Take care,Heidi  Heidirose Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT My name is Ron and I live in Colorado. I did nine rounds of Folfox6 and had to quit due to a kidney infection.  That was three years ago next week.  I was Stage IIIb with resection surgery in Dec 2004.  I think you will be fine by stopping early.  That chemo cocktail is serious stuff and I am personally glad I got to quit early.  The Oxaliplatin gave me some pretty nasty neuropathy in my feet that I am still dealing with three years later.Good luck to you.   Ron1norma2 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Stating the someone will be fine if they stop chemo is not appropriate.  Even if you were her doctor, it would be difficult to make that statement.  What do you base your comment on? Arnold Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT By the way, I am currently having chemo and have 3 Folfox, etc, infusions to go.  It is tough to say the least.   I would love to stop now and feel like I could eat a meal without throwing up.  My feet are interrible shape, and. in general, I feel like I have been given poison.  My doctors have done well for me as I am still here after fighting this for 3 years.  with 2  series of chemo, radiation, scans, etc.  I will stay on chemo and complete the process.  I don't like the potential alternative. Arnold Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/14/2008 Annie59 wrote:I'm having a hard time.  I've just done my 9th round of chemo, broke out in hives for the first time, have intense muscle pain in my neck and shoulders, have extremely cold feet (in more ways that one) and I just don't want to do my next 3 rounds.  I also am doing neupogen so it's chemo one week, plus sick in bed for about 4-5 days feel like crap today and now I have to start injecting neupogen in afew days and will have bone pain from that.  I'm having more bad days than good now and I'm fighting this in my head that I don't want to do this anymore!!!  I've been crying most of the day contemplating on calling my onc. and calling it quits.  I ponder the thought of continueing to a point where they're going to say STOP anyhow cause it's causing more bad than good.....but what if  I need those last few cycles......????  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!   I've never had anxiety about going for chemo before, but when I broke out in hives and the way the benadryl knocked me out....hey....I didn't like it one bit and now Ive got so much anxiety over this, I don't know what to do.   Has anyone decided to stop their own treatment>?  Has anyone experienced the aching muscles in neck and shoulders and back???  Where is this coming from???       AnnaAnnie;I am presently a stage lV breast cancer fighter and I know exactly how you are feeling..last fall I was in the middle of the chemo faze of my treatments and in December, just before Christmas I was feeling awful..not sure if it was from chemo side effects or just a flu bug but I made my own decision to not have the treatment that was scheduled just before Christmas because I was feeling so bad..  I didnt want to go through the holidays feeling that way..so I called the office 2 days before my treatment day and told them that I wouldnt be in there for that treatment..they fussed at me, and talked up a blue streek for me to come in anyway and wanted me to see the dr.  I just plain refused and told them that I didnt even feel like leaving my house..I had diarhea upset stomach, I was really sick.. they said well, the dr. didnt like it when people missed a treatment..I said well, I'm sorry but I wont be there for the one that week and didnt really care what the dr. thought.. I guess that sounds snauty, but I decided at that moment that I was going to take control of when I wanted these treatments according to how I was feeling and not how they thought I should be feeling..  I had a long several week break then from the middle of Dec. to when my next treatment in Jan. was scheduled.. I had enough time in between that I was able to regroup myself and feel better and build up my stamina again to where I felt so much better going into Jan. and starting again.. yes i missed a dose..but what they had given me already was either going to do the job or not..that is how I felt about it.. I wasnt going to let them or the cancer control my life.. it was the best decision I have made.. the pet scan at the end of Jan. showed remarkable improvement and so the dose in Dec. that I missed didnt mean that much..  I am now currently having a preventative treatment every three weeks, which is not nearly as bad as the taxotere and avastin I was getting.. and I was getting low doses of it..and it still made me sick..so they do have to adjust this medicine to suit us sometimes..and not push us into taking more than we know we can handle.. I feel good now..glad that for now the harsh stuff is behind me..and I am able to live vertually pain free now..  My dr. let me decide if I wanted to take this preventative treatments or not..and I told him that through out these treatments that I want a 2 month break in between them..I want the part of my body that is working right to be given a break from that stuff..and i think it is a good decision for me.. I am fighting a scarey stage of this cancer, but I wont, I refuse to let it control me and what I want to do with what time I might have left on this earth.. if I only have 2 years, then I dont want to be sick in bed or homebound for those 2 years affraid to live life to its fullest.. I go about my day keeping busy, and it does help me to not think about the cancer fight I am involved in.. it is much like fighting diabetes for me now..no cure is to be had..so I just prevent what I can with the meds. and leave the rest up to God.. he knows what is going to happen to me anyway in the end..and when my end is...I know nothing!!!my prayers your way..may you find the courage to do what you need to do for yourself and not what every body else thinks is right for you..God's blessings.Jodie Jodie Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Missing one treatment is not the same as stopping chemo.  Again, to state that you know what would be best for someone based on your case can be devastating.  I do what my doctors tell me to do.  They have brought me along for 3 years and I'm not going to second guess them.  Doctors don't get upset when the patient wants to go in a different direction.  They just caution as they have cautioned me on occasion.  Get second opinions if necessary . The blogs on this site can be well intentioned but I think sometimes we tell people what they want to hear without a medical background.  I would suggest we all be carefull  Arnold Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/20/2008 Arnold wrote:Missing one treatment is not the same as stopping chemo.  Again, to state that you know what would be best for someone based on your case can be devastating.  I do what my doctors tell me to do.  They have brought me along for 3 years and I'm not going to second guess them.  Doctors don't get upset when the patient wants to go in a different direction.  They just caution as they have cautioned me on occasion.  Get second opinions if necessary . The blogs on this site can be well intentioned but I think sometimes we tell people what they want to hear without a medical background.  I would suggest we all be carefull  hi all,   thank you all for your thought and opinions.  I agree with you Arnold,  that I do have to be aware of all that is sent my way, but it is good to hear that others have been in the same boat and have done the same thing sometime along their way.  I want you all to know that I'm NOT giving up.......I just want to stop at this point and have some tests done.  I've done 9 cycles--supposed to do 12,  had the dose lowered twice to 'suit' my body and have not had these cycles on schedule....it's been very 'unscheduled' for me due to low counts severl times.  My body is tired,  it needs a rest and the doc was fine with that.  I want to have the tests done to see where I stand......is that wrong?  All of us are the guinee-pigs here----there's no guarantee,  they only tell you what's worked in the past from past studies, but what may work for one-may not for for another.   Thank-you Ron for writting.....I needed to hear that it's been done before.  In the end I think we just have to do what's right and what works for ourselves and the only person who can say decide that is 'ourselves'....we are going through this, we know how it feels, we know when something just doesn't feel right.....no one else can know that but ourselves.          Anna Annie59 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I wasn't suggesting that you are giving up.  My major point is that having Chemo will not kill you.  Not having it might and it is very difficult to predict eirther.  Make sure you give yourself the best shot.  Good luck and God bless. Arnold Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/20/2008 Annie59 wrote: On 4/20/2008 Arnold wrote:Missing one treatment is not the same as stopping chemo.  Again, to state that you know what would be best for someone based on your case can be devastating.  I do what my doctors tell me to do.  They have brought me along for 3 years and I'm not going to second guess them.  Doctors don't get upset when the patient wants to go in a different direction.  They just caution as they have cautioned me on occasion.  Get second opinions if necessary . The blogs on this site can be well intentioned but I think sometimes we tell people what they want to hear without a medical background.  I would suggest we all be carefull  hi all,   thank you all for your thought and opinions.  I agree with you Arnold,  that I do have to be aware of all that is sent my way, but it is good to hear that others have been in the same boat and have done the same thing sometime along their way.  I want you all to know that I'm NOT giving up.......I just want to stop at this point and have some tests done.  I've done 9 cycles--supposed to do 12,  had the dose lowered twice to 'suit' my body and have not had these cycles on schedule....it's been very 'unscheduled' for me due to low counts severl times.  My body is tired,  it needs a rest and the doc was fine with that.  I want to have the tests done to see where I stand......is that wrong?  All of us are the guinee-pigs here----there's no guarantee,  they only tell you what's worked in the past from past studies, but what may work for one-may not for for another.   Thank-you Ron for writting.....I needed to hear that it's been done before.  In the end I think we just have to do what's right and what works for ourselves and the only person who can say decide that is 'ourselves'....we are going through this, we know how it feels, we know when something just doesn't feel right.....no one else can know that but ourselves.          AnnaAnna;I am sorry if I was interpreted as suggesting that you stop chemo all together.. I am not a dr. and I would never suggest someone do that without speaking to their dr. about your concerns about doing so.. the dr.s go by what the clinical success is and they have to take each of us into account as individuals and realize that we cant all handle some of this strong medicine that they try to give us in trying to save our lives..I was just letting you know that I have opted to miss a dose here and there and my long term survival is the same according to my dr..so I just had to take a break from it in December..I also had a 4 week break in November and the outcome of my pet scan at the end of Jan. was good inspite of the missed doses.. I dont want to die either..that is a silly assumption for anyone to make..I just think and this is just my opinion, that we should feel free to take breaks in our treatment when ever we feel our body needs it..my dr. agreed with me..and he is very good and understanding about how this stuff makes us feel..  they are trying to extend our lives or help us gain remission from our disease and I know we have to follow their advice very closely, but also they know that sometimes we have had enough for a time being and we need a break!  This chemo can cause death...or at least the complications that it can cause...we here of people dieing from complications from the chemo fight all the time..so its not unheard of..  it makes us feel week, sick, tired, achey, hairless..it messes with our normal blood counts, platelets, bone marrow, our kidneys, our bladder, our mind, our lungs, our heart, etc... so it can make us just as sick as the disease it is trying to help us fight.. I am very glad that I have had the 6mos of treatments that I had..I had an awful cough..as the mets is in my lungs..and now thank God, it has gone..and I feel so much better than I did last fall. The chemo has helped me, even though I did have some rough times with it..but now I am to take a preventative for at least a year or more..if I want to keep the cancer from thriving in my body, and spreading to places that it has the ability to.. I have an agressive type of breast ca. and so I am in the fight for my life here.. so I just wanted you to know my experience with taking some breaks from the chemo and you and your dr. need to discuss how you should proceed with your experience with the treatments you are in the middle of now.. I am not a nut!  I would never suggest you take any of my adivice, but I thought this is what these forums are for..so we can discuss how each of us are handling our course of treatments, how they make us feel and how we can make good sound decisions for ourselves..its our body..we have to decide what is best for us..and we shouldnt be frightened into doing anything that we dont feel good about..take care..and I hope you get to feeling better..Jodie  Jodie Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/20/2008 Jodie wrote: On 4/20/2008 Annie59 wrote: On 4/20/2008 Arnold wrote:Missing one treatment is not the same as stopping chemo.  Again, to state that you know what would be best for someone based on your case can be devastating.  I do what my doctors tell me to do.  They have brought me along for 3 years and I'm not going to second guess them.  Doctors don't get upset when the patient wants to go in a different direction.  They just caution as they have cautioned me on occasion.  Get second opinions if necessary . The blogs on this site can be well intentioned but I think sometimes we tell people what they want to hear without a medical background.  I would suggest we all be carefull  hi all,   thank you all for your thought and opinions.  I agree with you Arnold,  that I do have to be aware of all that is sent my way, but it is good to hear that others have been in the same boat and have done the same thing sometime along their way.  I want you all to know that I'm NOT giving up.......I just want to stop at this point and have some tests done.  I've done 9 cycles--supposed to do 12,  had the dose lowered twice to 'suit' my body and have not had these cycles on schedule....it's been very 'unscheduled' for me due to low counts severl times.  My body is tired,  it needs a rest and the doc was fine with that.  I want to have the tests done to see where I stand......is that wrong?  All of us are the guinee-pigs here----there's no guarantee,  they only tell you what's worked in the past from past studies, but what may work for one-may not for for another.   Thank-you Ron for writting.....I needed to hear that it's been done before.  In the end I think we just have to do what's right and what works for ourselves and the only person who can say decide that is 'ourselves'....we are going through this, we know how it feels, we know when something just doesn't feel right.....no one else can know that but ourselves.          AnnaAnna;I am sorry if I was interpreted as suggesting that you stop chemo all together.. I am not a dr. and I would never suggest someone do that without speaking to their dr. about your concerns about doing so.. the dr.s go by what the clinical success is and they have to take each of us into account as individuals and realize that we cant all handle some of this strong medicine that they try to give us in trying to save our lives..I was just letting you know that I have opted to miss a dose here and there and my long term survival is the same according to my dr..so I just had to take a break from it in December..I also had a 4 week break in November and the outcome of my pet scan at the end of Jan. was good inspite of the missed doses.. I dont want to die either..that is a silly assumption for anyone to make..I just think and this is just my opinion, that we should feel free to take breaks in our treatment when ever we feel our body needs it..my dr. agreed with me..and he is very good and understanding about how this stuff makes us feel..  they are trying to extend our lives or help us gain remission from our disease and I know we have to follow their advice very closely, but also they know that sometimes we have had enough for a time being and we need a break!  This chemo can cause death...or at least the complications that it can cause...we here of people dieing from complications from the chemo fight all the time..so its not unheard of..  it makes us feel week, sick, tired, achey, hairless..it messes with our normal blood counts, platelets, bone marrow, our kidneys, our bladder, our mind, our lungs, our heart, etc... so it can make us just as sick as the disease it is trying to help us fight.. I am very glad that I have had the 6mos of treatments that I had..I had an awful cough..as the mets is in my lungs..and now thank God, it has gone..and I feel so much better than I did last fall. The chemo has helped me, even though I did have some rough times with it..but now I am to take a preventative for at least a year or more..if I want to keep the cancer from thriving in my body, and spreading to places that it has the ability to.. I have an agressive type of breast ca. and so I am in the fight for my life here.. so I just wanted you to know my experience with taking some breaks from the chemo and you and your dr. need to discuss how you should proceed with your experience with the treatments you are in the middle of now.. I am not a nut!  I would never suggest you take any of my adivice, but I thought this is what these forums are for..so we can discuss how each of us are handling our course of treatments, how they make us feel and how we can make good sound decisions for ourselves..its our body..we have to decide what is best for us..and we shouldnt be frightened into doing anything that we dont feel good about..take care..and I hope you get to feeling better..Jodie  Jodie,   I know exactly what you're saying and never took it any other way.  My body is telling me something and I need to listen to it.  I do appreciate hearing from everyone who has replied.  It's good to hear how others cope and to remind ourselves that everyone is different.  I don't want to die either...no one here wants to die.  We all will fight our fights as hard and as long as we can and all we can do is our best.  Thank you all for your thoughts and your support.....will keep you posted.     Anna Annie59 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I have never heard of people dying from the side effects of chemo.  Where did you get this info.?  I would like to read it.  Jodie - you sound very angry at the Doctors, etc.  Like they are trying to control you and force you to do things that are not good for you.  That has not been my experience.  I would  suggest that people who are unhappy get second opinions or choose another hospital, etc.  I think the norm for most of us is that we have professionals that are taking care of us who are very concerned with our welfare and listen to us very intently. Arnold Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Good morning Arnold You are very fortunate to have had good experiences working with the professionals that have shown concern and care for your situation and have listened and valued your opinion. That certainly is not the case for many others that have posted on this board. As for patients dying from the side effects of chemotherapy.....that is very often WHY patients die as soon as they do. I personally chose to not accept any traditional treatment when chemo was recommended for me in 2004 partly because I had witnessed friends and family members quality of life completely destroyed by that treatment. When I was diagnosed, I did lots of research on both traditional treatment and also alternative treatments and opted for the latter. Thankfully so. Today I am strong and healthy with no symptoms of disease as are a great number of others with a variety of cancers who I know personally. We use diet, supplements and natural treatments that have no negative side effects. These protocols help to rebuild one's immune system to an optimum level and as nature intended....a strong immune system is what is needed to fight all disease. The internet is full of information regarding the toxic effects of chemotherapy and the percentages of deaths caused by it and not the cancer per se. I just did a quick Google search and came up with the following links... http://www.cancergnosis.com/Chemical%20Chemotherapy/Side%20E http://www.cancertutor.com/ChemoSpill/deathbydoctoring4.htm http://www.curenaturalicancro.com/oncologists-criticize-chem ..... Take good care and continued good luck on your chosen path. Shemay On 4/21/2008 Arnold wrote:I have never heard of people dying from the side effects of chemo.  Where did you get this info.?  I would like to read it.  Jodie - you sound very angry at the Doctors, etc.  Like they are trying to control you and force you to do things that are not good for you.  That has not been my experience.  I would  suggest that people who are unhappy get second opinions or choose another hospital, etc.  I think the norm for most of us is that we have professionals that are taking care of us who are very concerned with our welfare and listen to us very intently. Shemay Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/21/2008 Shemay wrote:Good morning Arnold You are very fortunate to have had good experiences working with the professionals that have shown concern and care for your situation and have listened and valued your opinion. That certainly is not the case for many others that have posted on this board. As for patients dying from the side effects of chemotherapy.....that is very often WHY patients die as soon as they do. I personally chose to not accept any traditional treatment when chemo was recommended for me in 2004 partly because I had witnessed friends and family members quality of life completely destroyed by that treatment. When I was diagnosed, I did lots of research on both traditional treatment and also alternative treatments and opted for the latter. Thankfully so. Today I am strong and healthy with no symptoms of disease as are a great number of others with a variety of cancers who I know personally. We use diet, supplements and natural treatments that have no negative side effects. These protocols help to rebuild one's immune system to an optimum level and as nature intended....a strong immune system is what is needed to fight all disease. The internet is full of information regarding the toxic effects of chemotherapy and the percentages of deaths caused by it and not the cancer per se. I just did a quick Google search and came up with the following links... http://www.cancergnosis.com/Chemical%20Chemotherapy/Side%20E http://www.cancertutor.com/ChemoSpill/deathbydoctoring4.htm http://www.curenaturalicancro.com/oncologists-criticize-chem ..... Take good care and continued good luck on your chosen path. Shemay  On 4/21/2008 Arnold wrote:I have never heard of people dying from the side effects of chemo.  Where did you get this info.?  I would like to read it.  Jodie - you sound very angry at the Doctors, etc.  Like they are trying to control you and force you to do things that are not good for you.  That has not been my experience.  I would  suggest that people who are unhappy get second opinions or choose another hospital, etc.  I think the norm for most of us is that we have professionals that are taking care of us who are very concerned with our welfare and listen to us very intently.Shemay:thankyou for your support in acknowledging the things I was trying to convey above.. I too, do alot of research on the web and find alot of things on here concerning chemo and how it can destroy what it is trying to fix.  It does destroy the bodies own immune system that is put there to destroy the cancer and any free radicals in our body..  I am not angry with dr.s I just get very frustrated when I have found myself telling them of complaints that they ignore and brush off as nothing.. sometimes it has been nothing..and last spring the something was something..this is when my mets was found.. I had complained for 2 years about this cough..only to be told it was sinus, or reflux disease.. if it hadnt been for my having surgery on my left elbow they may have found my mets very late, and my prognosis alot worse than it is now.. and I do get a little upset when they dont listen when they should.. even oncology dr.s do that after a while.. I like the onco. dr. I have now, but if I have a pain or complaint even now, I am leary of even mentioning it as it is usually downplayed as nothing..and it hopefully is nothing.  I have cancer, and I dont want it to control my life..what I have left of it.. they say attitude is how we have to deal with cancer..and I am trying to have a kick cancer butt attitude without feeling like if I take a break from the drugs they want to give me that I will die tomorrow.. it usually doesnt happen that way..  I have had several members of my family die from various types of cancer..and I watched my aunt die from bladder cancer and she took every treatment that they threw at her and every procedure..and she had to succomb to the disease anyway.. so I have decided to live life very actively for as long as I am strong and somewhat healthy..and if I feel like I need a break from the chemo or treatments then I am going to without worrying of the outcome or consequences.. God knows when my time here on earth is done..and it doesnt help me one bit to sit and worry myself into a frenzy wondering if I have done myself an injustice by missing one or two treatments..  I fought this before in 01..had some really mean stuff..and I had a dr. then who pushed me every step of the way..I hate medicine..it has always been hard on my system..and I dont like feeling like I am tied with a ball and chain to these chemo rooms and they control my destiny..they dont!  God does!!!  But thankyou so much for the info about the supplements..I have heard good things about those too..I was in remission for 6 years after the round in 01..so this second round just happens to be a more aggressive, serious one to fight..but I am still determined to keep my witts, and be in control of myself as much as I can be for as long as I can be..  Thankyou again for your post..I appreciate you supporting my claims and findings that I have disclosed above.. its good if a cancer patient is in contact with a good group of cancer dr.s and technicians..I have that now and I still feel like I want to be in control and not completely hand over my mind to a dr. just because he is the expert.. dr.s can be wrong too..they are human too, and they make mistakes too.. and these meds they give us are poison..but that is all they know to give us to help us..and I know it has helped me and I am grateful for that medical knowledge and the new medicines they develop every day to help us live longer,..  I dont completely understand the natural healing supplements..but I know there have been people that have been helped by them too..  anyway, I am rambling here..just wanted to say thankyou Shemay..sincerelyJodie  Jodie Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Anna: I felt like you!  Seriously, I did.  I had six rounds of chemo.  Neupogen, (which is life saving), I had the bone pain the crying the lonliness.  Please call me!  Sandy --Message edited by CancerCompass staff. For personal protection, email address removed. Consider private reply. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html-- jstsandy Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT You folks out there who want to enter the medical profession via these blogs, go ahead.  I'm sticking with the doctors and I do what they tell me to do..  It has been very successfull and I am here today because of them.  If you are upset with your doctors and cannot handle the chemo, get another doctor and change your treatment.  I'm not talking about temporary dealy of treatment.  The point is if you want doctors who let you control your treatmement against their better judgement, go ahead.  I would suggest that you not try to infuence others.  Give them you history, your wins, your problems, you ideas but I would strongly suggest you not assume that what may have worked for you is going to work for them. Arnold Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/21/2008 Arnold wrote:I have never heard of people dying from the side effects of chemo.  Where did you get this info.?  I would like to read it.  Jodie - you sound very angry at the Doctors, etc.  Like they are trying to control you and force you to do things that are not good for you.  That has not been my experience.  I would  suggest that people who are unhappy get second opinions or choose another hospital, etc.  I think the norm for most of us is that we have professionals that are taking care of us who are very concerned with our welfare and listen to us very intently.Arnold:Where have you been if you have never heard of people getting complications from taking chemo and passing away from them?  Chemo is harsh on our systems.. what ever kind is given there is a list usually of the side effects that it will cause and on some of them death is listed because of heart failure or pulmonary embolism(blood clot to lungs).. the cancer invades our vital organs, destroying its ability to function normally and we die from the complications that the cancer causes not from the disease itself.. our lungs fill up with fluid, our body gets over burdened with pain and our body shuts down to escape it.. and when they give us chemo sometimes our body reacts the same way.. heart failure, blood clots, strokes, depressed immune systems unable to fight infections..those are all possible complicating side effects from chemo.. ..when we complain to the dr. about one of them they say..well maybe its arthritis, or the flu, or maybe you had it before the chemo was started..they dont want to acknowledge that your side effects are from the chemo drugs.. I have had many people on here tell me this very thing.. so I am not speaking out of turn here and from not having any knowledge of what I am talking about because of  the experience of others who write on here!..  Its true that dr.s have our best interest in mind and they are trying to make us better..and they have helped me..but I do get angry with their all knowing attitudes.. they dont know everything about everybody..  we are all differant, and one medicine shouldnt be geared to fit everybody just because that is how it went in the clinical trials.. I can take just one tylenol and get the same effect when maybe someone else needs two.. I can take one benedryl and it zaps me..where someone else may need 2 or an extra strength dose.. we all have a differant tolerance to these meds and when they are prescribed we are given them according to how others in our age or body frame size were able to tolerate them..and that shouldnt be the way its done.. these chemo meds stay in our systems for a long time after they are given to us.  I had a sore throat from the avastin/taxotere for two months after I had my last dose..the side effects linger..so I dont believe (my opinion) that if we decide for ourselves that we want to take a chemo break that it is going to be that detremental to our well being or life.. the drugs are still in us kicking butt for a while after they are given to us.. thats why my dr. doesnt have a problem with me taking breaks cause he knows this as well.. but I wouldnt suggest someone else do the same as me, I am just telling my experiences here, and even though they dont seem traditional in nature, this is how I choose to deal with my disease.. if I have an occasion coming up that I dont want to worry about feeling sick during that time, I want to be free of the side effects from the chemo..I choose to live my life that way.. everyone else can do for themselves as they choose and see fit.. I just dont think a person should be made to feel guilty if they choose to do this, like they are commiting suicide by not taking the meds when the health professionals say they should.. I like to think for myself, and not rely on someone else to do it for me.. I dont like the feeling of being controlled and led along like a good little army ant..I have had bad experiences with dr.s who have been quacks from the word go.. and if I had taken every bit of medicine they had decided to give me cause thats what they felt I should do then I would be taking alot of unnecessary medicines now, that I dont need.. Dr.s do make me angry at times and I dont deny that..I have had bad experiences with many bad dr's. and now when I am fighting for my life is when I should feel I can trust them to do right by me, and I dont.. it wouldnt matter about a second opinion..I have done that too..dr's wont go against each other and they wont disagree to much with another one infront of you..no matter how many opinions you get.. they treat you caringly on the first initial visit then you become one of the many in numbers of patients that they do have and then they stop listening to what might be important clues and complaints..  I just think people need to think for themselves and yes, be grateful if they are brought back to good health by the medicines that are now available to us.. but we need to be our own advocates as to what we want and what we think we can handle..and not made to feel guilty if we choose an alternate way of going down the same road as others who are also fighting these terrible cancer diseases..my husbands aunt is fighting mets br. cancer and they have given her two years more than she would have had without chemo but she is coming to the end of her journey and the meds have stopped working for her and she has finally said enough!! I give her alot of credit for having the courage to do that..and in the end..we do need that courage and I hope I will be one who does also.. the cancer wins usually in the end..sad to say..but I have seen that to be true from people around me who have died from the disease..  the dr.s know this too!  All they have to offer us is the chemo and radiation that they know will make us very sick at times..they know that we may come to a point where we say we have had enough.. some of us fight to the end..some of us choose to let our bodies find relief breaks from the chemo side effects and so we should ultimately choose for ourselves what we feel is right for ourselves.. a dr cant make those choices, he can just advise us of what he thinks to be so.. Jodie Jodie Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Jodie - don't get personal with me.  Don't use chemo if you don't want to. Don't listen to the Doctors if you don't want to.  I am.  I do what they tell me to do.  By in large they use chemo.  Are you a doctor?  The standard treatment is chemo.  If you can't handle it do something else!  But don't even suggest that you have the medical background and knowledge to refute them.  You may be unduly infuencing others. Arnold Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT PLEASE< PLEASE<    guys, don't take things personally here.  I started this discussion about stopping chemo only to hope to get responses with personal journies from others on how and what you did if ever you went through what I was going through last week.  I'm not a stupid person--I'm a person fighting cancer and am able to make my own decisions...as I've seen, some of you agree with it...some of you don't but in the end it's a personal choice for all of us and only WE can make that choice,  NOT the dr.   yes, they suggest and advise what we should do and I appreciate that and have followed their advice up to a point where I want to stop now and have some tests done to see where I'm at.  I agree weith Jodie and Shemay as that is how I feel, BUT   YES...people have died from chemo by having side effects that have turned into a condition or disease later on down the road.   There are pros and cons to chemo and it affects everyone differently...some bodies are stronger than others.  It's a touchy subject as I have found, but it's a personal choice.      Anna Annie59 Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT My point again is a very simple one.  By in large, most of us here rely heavily on our doctors and have been very fortunate to have had success. I'm talking about thousands and thousands that are this position  You certainly have a right to believe what you believe.  But, you must remember that faith in our doctors and following their professional lead is VERY important to us.  It is a personal choice and I undestand that. It is curious that all these professionaly trained and educated people are by in large following treatment plans centered on various form of chemo.  That is a fact.  Allow us who believe in them to follow their lead.  It alows us to remain very positive and foward looking. Arnold Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT hi there.  Sorry to hear about your horrible side effects.Firstly, if you are having a reaction to the chemo then it sounds like time for your doc to put you on new chemo.  before he/she does this, i strongly recommend you have a CT scan to see whether you derived any benefit from the last chemo.  If the scan results are good, then you will at least see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and the side effects might be worth it.  my mum has stage iv colon cancer which has spread to her liver and her lungs. she has had 3 treatment interruptions in the last six months....the last time she was off drug (two weekly 5fU, oxaliplatin and avastin with neulasta) for five weeks after terrible diarrhoea which had her in hosp for two weeks. anyway, once she got out of hospital, her quality of life was very good during her break from chemo. she got out socialising and for walks etc.   This week she started on a new low dose weekly chemo of cetuximab and irinotecan) and apart from the terrible tiredness, she has had no diarrhoea or constipation etc.  She is 74 and we have been so worried about her but i really feel that this combination will be much easier for her to tolerate.  The neulasta I don't think is the same as nupogen in that she only needs one injection 3 days after each chemo session and she hasnt complained of bone pain....are you taking the neupogen daily? if so, perhaps you could ask for neulasta instead?in summary, ask for a review of your case with CTscan, CEA levels and liver enzyme results and then make an informed decision on whether it is worth progressing with chemo.  If you do decide to continue with chemo, be sure and ask for a different combination.   I wish you a speedy recovery and hang in there. daisychain Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/18/2008 Annie59 wrote:dear stevor1955,  thank you so much for your words and thoughts.  I did speak with my oncologist and asked his opinion about me stopping treatments---he said it was' fine' that my allergic reaction would prob. continue and that it could become 'dangerous'... well, that helped me make this decision,   also my doc said that at this point the chemo either has done it;s job or hasn't.......?????    Today. now, when I'm having a good day I start to question myself.....man.....it's such a struggle....I know others ,  YOU, have been through so much more than me and have endured so much more suffering that I 'm feeling like a 'baby' for stopping chemo but I'm also afraid of how much harder it is now for me to recover from treatment.  What's so wrong with stopping now,  having some tests done now and checking out where I stand???????   If they find something..... so I start over again....at least in afew weeks I will be stronger emotionally and physically but I'm not strong for another chemo next week after breaking out in hives and it taking me afew days longer to recover.     All I can do now is hope and pray for the best, try to be good to myself,and I need to be strong and accept the decision I made. and do my best to carry on.                             AnnaAnna, Every person is different and every treatment causes different affects on the patient. Your pain and suffering for just the 3 treatments could be worse than anything I have experienced. Don't put yourself down or feel like you are a baby for not continuing treatment.  There are times when treatments are fatal to certain patients. If that wasn't true they wouldn't have that as a side effect for every chemo drug out there. So my suggestion is to get plenty of exercise, eat food suggested that help fight cancer and enjoy your life.   You've made your decision don't relive it as stress is not a good thing to have when fighthing this disease.  It wants you to second guess yourself. That and you can't change the past, just learn from it and move on.You are also right that in a couple of weeks you could decide to continue treatment.  The drugs usually stay in your system about a month or that's what I think I was told. lol no memory makes it easier to forget what happens from week to week.  The doctors can always change the treatments to something less toxic to you.  Take care and keep us posted on what is happening with you.  Stever1955 Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT