CancerCompass message board discussion started by james082007 on 4/16/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,23127,0.htm Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/   I have been sitting here for an hour trying to figure out what to type in this little box so here it goes.....I HAVE BRAIN CANCER.....ok that was easy. my name is james ,38 yr old father of 2 wonderful children, braydan and mckenna, and i was diagnosed with a classIV gioblastoma in my right temporal lobe back in aug 2007. the doctors immediatly did the resection and removed 99% of said tumor, i have been through the radiation and temodar and now i take temodar 1 week a month, i have 9 more months to go on that, i also take dilantin, gabapentin and am an isulin dependant diabetic for going on ten yrs now. Believe it or not this is my second bout with cancer. back in january 2006 i was diagnosed with plasmacytoma behind my nose, that type of cancer only needed radiation treatments and so far i have beaten that one. what are the odds?. I guess the reason i am on this site is to maybe talk to people that have the same or similar problems both physical,emotional and monitary, i am reduced to part time at work, drawing ss disability and VA disability but it still is not enough. i have pretty much lost everything including my friends and the woman that was there for me through out all this. i would get so angry at every little thing that she could not take it anymore .so are there any words of advice that could probably point me in the right direction on all aspects? if there is then i would be greatly appriciated. thank you for the time, writing this kinda helps out. james082007 Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Welcome, James. I've only been here about 7 months myself, but have found it very helpful at times. I, too, have had cancer twice. Treated for breast cancer 4 years ago, now the GBMIV. It's lonely sometimes to have cancer--particularly the social stigma of brain cancer. And some of the drugs they give us do make us short-tempered. I know I never was before this. My first SS disability check arrives tomorrow and it won't make ends meet, for sure. Helps (I've been without income for months now since I can't work--can't drive) I was self employed so I'm used to not receiving a regular paycheck but this was ridiculous. Thankfully, I still have my people around me, though I'm sure I've p'd them off on more than one occasion. You're so young and such small children. Doesn't seem right somehow but there are many suffering at such a young age.Some people advocate support groups, others turn to their churches, some do both. Maybe reaching out to people who understand what you're going thru can ease your pain. Scroll thru some of the recent posts here. You may find some answers to your questions. Best of luck, James. Hang in there with the rest of us. mbg53 Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT HiI am sorry that you had to come to this board,  I am here because my brother has AA3.  Sending lots of prayers to you....Marilyn56  Marilyn56 Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I am so proud of you for finally finding somewhere you can talk to people who have cancer too. They can understand better than anyone what you are going through. You know your family stands by you always. Sometimes it is hard for me to except what is happening to you, you are my son & it isnt supposed to be like this. My heart aches for you. You are a wonderful person & a great dad. My heart aches for you all the time. Sometimes I run out of things to say to make you feel better, to know that miracles happen. Maybe some of the people in here can help with that. LoveMOM denalilin Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT wow, you got me teary eyed, i love you mom and thank you james082007 Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT James,I know this hard, but try to stay positive.  That is what my husband did. He nearly always had a smile on his face, even the worst of times.  It is hard on the whole family and anyone that is involved.  It is a hard battle to fight but you can do it.  Janice   Littlering Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT James,I sent you a private reply,Chris  chefnnails Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT James, you will find a lot of support on this site.  Welcome!You might also check out www.chemoangels.comThey are a large group of volunteers who offer encouragement and support to cancer patients.  They do this with cards, notes, and small gifts.  When friends and familty don't know what to say or do anymore, the "angels" step in with just the right words. I have been an "angel" for more than 7 years now and also work as part of the administrative team.  You won't be sorry you checked them out.  This is true for all of you facing cancer.  They can angel to anyone around the world; children or adults with any kind of cancer.James, the best to you. Lorre G.  Lorre G Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi JamesDo you know what sometimes life is Sh....t and it often is hard to findthe right person to talk to, so we dont talk to anyone. this site is a life lineand what it proves is there are so many good people in this world.You only need a few good people around you whether that be family or friends, and when things get tough those people will be there, only surround yourself with those, and stay away from people that are not good for you.Its a tough road and we have to go through it because we can't go over it or under it, so stay strong and know that there are lots of people that care about you, as these messages prove.Lots of love to youNorma XX normaelizabeth Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Jamie,I'm glad you have finally come to a place that is able to give you the support you need with people who have "been there done that".  I can't even begin to explain how that makes me feel, as your sister.  You are such an amazing person so full of love and compassion for others.  It breaks my heart and bruises my soul to watch you go through this, yet again.  But you are strong.  You don't give yourself enough credit when it comes to your strength...and as I've said before, when you feel as if you are running out of strength, take some from your family. You know that we are all here for you, no matter what.  We will all stand by you and do whatever it is you need, or what WE feel you need. :)  I love you so much Jamie.  Thank you for coming to this forum and asking for help and support from others.  Don't ever forget: Whatever It Takes!!!!All my love,Your Shelli Bean Shelli213 Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sending private reply S~ Sunflower13 Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT WOW and WOWHow awesome to see your mom and sister on here supporting you . Brought such a huge smile to my face.My husband has GBM...so sad and yet we are more in love and content than we have ever been.My brother's name is James also. he is my rock. While my husband's family is terrific and very good at supporting us...it is my brother that I can really talk too. He's the best...He lets me vent. Poor guy lol.My husband is like you...he had another primary cancer just a year and a half ago(colon cancer). Yes what are the chances?!The whole thing is so very confusing...but talking to people that understand what you are going through is very important.It sounds as if you have a very loving sister and mom. Take care...we are here for you,Eve momaton Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/17/2008 Shelli213 wrote:Jamie,I'm glad you have finally come to a place that is able to give you the support you need with people who have "been there done that".  I can't even begin to explain how that makes me feel, as your sister.  You are such an amazing person so full of love and compassion for others.  It breaks my heart and bruises my soul to watch you go through this, yet again.  But you are strong.  You don't give yourself enough credit when it comes to your strength...and as I've said before, when you feel as if you are running out of strength, take some from your family. You know that we are all here for you, no matter what.  We will all stand by you and do whatever it is you need, or what WE feel you need. :)  I love you so much Jamie.  Thank you for coming to this forum and asking for help and support from others.  Don't ever forget: Whatever It Takes!!!!All my love,Your Shelli Bean   you are so right my shellibean, what i need to understand and get through my thick skull is that this is not a pride thing. but what i wll tell you is that i am absolutely terrified, not just for me but for you, tracy, mom, curt and especially my kids, i know that if anything happens to me they will be ok with their mother but bray will be crushed and i won't be there to pick him up, he will have to rely on other people to do that for him, and who is going to send mckenna off to her first day of school or her first date or give her away at her wedding, see its things like this that keep running through my head like a broken record.these are just a few things spinning webs in my head. you, mom, tracy and curt are so very important to me and i am sorry i live all the way up here in alaska. want to know a secret. even though we did not spend our childhood together i have loved you since the first day i saw you as much as if we did, you are my little sis shellibean and no matter what happens you always will be. no one else better call you shellibean either...that is mine. i love you sis and thank you.  james082007 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/17/2008 momaton wrote:WOW and WOWHow awesome to see your mom and sister on here supporting you . Brought such a huge smile to my face.My husband has GBM...so sad and yet we are more in love and content than we have ever been.My brother's name is James also. he is my rock. While my husband's family is terrific and very good at supporting us...it is my brother that I can really talk too. He's the best...He lets me vent. Poor guy lol.My husband is like you...he had another primary cancer just a year and a half ago(colon cancer). Yes what are the chances?!The whole thing is so very confusing...but talking to people that understand what you are going through is very important.It sounds as if you have a very loving sister and mom. Take care...we are here for you,Eveyes i have a fantastic family if one of us is down we circle the wagons and get him or her back up. my mom, both my sisters and curt(a man i am most proud to call dad), and my now ex girlfriend were all there when i went in for surgery and were there when i came out. the really cool thing though is that they all had smiles on their faces when i opened my eyes. i am just now finding out that it does help to talk about these things especially with people who know the experiences. thank you eve, my best wishes and prayers go out to you and yours. tell your husband i said hijames.  james082007 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/16/2008 mbg53 wrote:Welcome, James. I've only been here about 7 months myself, but have found it very helpful at times. I, too, have had cancer twice. Treated for breast cancer 4 years ago, now the GBMIV. It's lonely sometimes to have cancer--particularly the social stigma of brain cancer. And some of the drugs they give us do make us short-tempered. I know I never was before this. My first SS disability check arrives tomorrow and it won't make ends meet, for sure. Helps (I've been without income for months now since I can't work--can't drive) I was self employed so I'm used to not receiving a regular paycheck but this was ridiculous. Thankfully, I still have my people around me, though I'm sure I've p'd them off on more than one occasion. You're so young and such small children. Doesn't seem right somehow but there are many suffering at such a young age.Some people advocate support groups, others turn to their churches, some do both. Maybe reaching out to people who understand what you're going thru can ease your pain. Scroll thru some of the recent posts here. You may find some answers to your questions. Best of luck, James. Hang in there with the rest of us.you know what i am absoulutly taken a back to how many people are going through the same thing especially going through 2 cancers but you know what they say "you never notice it until it happens to you". thank you so much for your words and advice, i think its time i extend my arm and reach out. i have only been on here for a few days but it has helped my mental status tremendously. my prayers and best wishes go out to you and yours. thank youjames  james082007 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sending a private reply.T dudemom Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT you and your family are awesome I pray that you will have amazing strength.  What a wonderful family.Marilyn56 Marilyn56 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT God bless you and your family. Best wishes to all of you and praying that He will take care of you~ gr8ful4itall Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT thank you so muchOn 4/18/2008 gr8ful4itall wrote:God bless you and your family. Best wishes to all of you and praying that He will take care of you~  james082007 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT jamie,  I was so mean to you while we were growing up. I don't know why, I have always loved you.  just sibling rivalry I guess.   Anyway you were then and now the best brother no matter what I did to you, to get you in trouble or fight with you all the time and drove mom crazy, you still stood up for me and even sometimes took the blame for me, and you still loved me, and wanted to play games with me. but that was childhood and we are now adults and i got to tell I have always been proud of everything in your life that you accomplished: Graduating highschool, going into the army (going to war) you gave me a wonderful nephew and a beautiful princess of a niece. I always was jealous of you and proud at the same time for accomplishing the things I didn't. I was the bad one who ranaway all the time cause I thought I knew it all. I was the one who screwed my life away because of drugs, you don't know how happy I am that you always kept your focus on what you wanted, for some reason I couldn't.It's not fair that you have to deal with all of this, It should have been me because I was the screw up, because I don't have children,  I want to take all the  cancer and the pain from you and I can't. I can't protect you by beating it up like i did for you with crazy girlfriends you had. but i would gladly rather me have it than you, you don't deserve this after all the good things you have done But deep down in my heart I know that you can beat this, you are young and strong, please don't give up and don't give in. even though you are in alaska and we are in oregon we are fighting with you and we will never give up II love you with all my heart and soul little brotheryour big sister tracy mydogclyde Fri, 09 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT