CancerCompass message board discussion started by sbent63 on 4/23/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,23336,0.htm Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ It's been almost six months now since my brother Stephen (48) was taken from (GBM) and the pain in my heart feels just the same as the day he died. Everyone tells you that in time it will get better but it doesn't. No matter what you do through out the day how busy you try to keep it's always there. There is nothing I can do that stops it. His brithday was April 10th he would have been 49. I still ask God everyday WHY, why did this happen to my brother, he was young and had so much life left to live and I needed him still in mine. It all happend so fast, how could he have died so soon after they found it only six weeks thats no time at all. I have read so many other stories and other people have had so much more time than he did what went so wrong in his case??? People say you have your wonder memories of him and yes I do but right now those aren't enough I want him back and I want to know why and how this happend. His death has changed me I don't even no who I am anymore nothing is the same and I wonder will it ever be again. I don't no how to move on with out him the emptiness in my heart is so unbarable at times it feels like your going to die too.  Will the memories of his final days ever leave me? To watch someone you love so dearly die right before your eyes does something to you that other's don't understand. Well I'm sorry for going on like this I'm having a really bad day today. Thank you all for listening. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone on here none of this is easy for any of us. Keep fighting........Steve's Little Sister, Susan sbent63 Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/23/2008 sbent63 wrote:It's been almost six months now since my brother Stephen (48) was taken from (GBM) and the pain in my heart feels just the same as the day he died. Everyone tells you that in time it will get better but it doesn't. No matter what you do through out the day how busy you try to keep it's always there. There is nothing I can do that stops it. His brithday was April 10th he would have been 49. I still ask God everyday WHY, why did this happen to my brother, he was young and had so much life left to live and I needed him still in mine. It all happend so fast, how could he have died so soon after they found it only six weeks thats no time at all. I have read so many other stories and other people have had so much more time than he did what went so wrong in his case??? People say you have your wonder memories of him and yes I do but right now those aren't enough I want him back and I want to know why and how this happend. His death has changed me I don't even no who I am anymore nothing is the same and I wonder will it ever be again. I don't no how to move on with out him the emptiness in my heart is so unbarable at times it feels like your going to die too.  Will the memories of his final days ever leave me? To watch someone you love so dearly die right before your eyes does something to you that other's don't understand. Well I'm sorry for going on like this I'm having a really bad day today. Thank you all for listening. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone on here none of this is easy for any of us. Keep fighting........Steve's Little Sister, SusanDear Susan,The how and why of it never makes any sense to me either.  You see this wonderful, loving person that you care so much about, and that gives so much in return, taken from a family that needs them, and wants them, and it just makes no sense. I lost a husband when I was 44 and he was 49.  He was sick three weeks.  I tried to understand it for  a longtime and still there is a mystery to it.  I have to tell you that with time, it will get easier.  You will never get over it, but it will get easier.  The only advise that I can give you is to keep as busy as you can, but if you have days that you need to cry all day, then thats okay.  Just try to remember, that he would want you to do well and get past this, and also remember that he is no longer in pain. I come to this board because I am an esophageal cancer survivor and I saw your post over to the right.  For some reason I was drawn to your post.Please know that you and all who loved your brother are now on my prayer list.  My urgent prayer to God, for right now, will be for your peace of mind and understanding with this loss.Gerri  Gerri Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Dear Susan,  It's so painful and so unbelievable, isn't it.  I am sorry for the loss of your dear brother.  My husband died of stomach cancer on February 22, 2008 and I am still reeling from this.  The pain is profound and I still can't believe he is gone.  I have no interest in anything.  I just want him back.  It's so hard watching someone you love suffer and die.  They wither right before your eyes and there is nothing you can do about it.  Why?  Those last day horrible memories supposedly fade and you remember more of the normal healthy days.  Not for me, not yet.  I have heard it gets easier but you never completely get over the loss.  So far for me, it's only getting harder, just like for you.  I get through the day knowing I will be with him again.  That's the only thing that keeps me from going under emotionally and mentally.  I know it's hard but try to keep strong.  Keep good thoughts of your wonderful brother and ask him to help you through this.  God bless you,Diane Anniedips Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT im so sorry  that you are struggling with  greif.I must tell you that my mom died 30 years ago . She was in a coma for 26 days before she passed. I remember that till this day. All i can tell you is that the pain will ease but the memory will last forever. When i think of her last days and find myself with a heavy heart i remember who she was. Dont let cancer define who you brother was. Im sure he was so much more,Remember his smile, the way he loved and what made your relationship so special.I promise this will bring a smile to your face.But, allow yourself to greive  its normal. I have learned to embrace each day and not think about my cancer or what the furture holds, to me today is the most important day. You will have days that are worst than others and thats ok. I hope this helped aliitle I will keep you in my prayers laborerlady Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT i just wanted to write and say hang in there it does go away but never does it leave you. I lost my wife in 2004 to a massive hear attack she was 47 whwn she died, then i lost my girlfriend who was 37 she died in mar of 06 to GBM grade 4, then also last may of 06 i lost my dad to kidney cancer so i follow this site for almost 2 years know and there isn't one day that goes by i don't think of them but hang in there ok it will be ok love all you guys Dave Fernco7 Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I'm so sorry for your loss. There's never any understanding the"why" of these things, whether it's GBM or a car accident or a stroke. There's no cosmic justice to explain why one good person dies too young, while the meanest old coots onearth seem to live forever.Be gentle with yourself. Give it time, and be as kind to yourself as you know how. You've lost one of your very nearest and dearest, just months ago. The passing of someone so special leaves a huge hole in the world and in your heart. It will take a long time to heal, but when it does, those happier memories will be able to make you smile again.  There aren't any answers. Only time.  Hyacinths Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I sent you a private reply. chefnnails Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT