CancerCompass message board discussion started by purpleaa on 4/24/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,23382,0.htm Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hi. I am 39 and was just diagnosed with stage 0 colon cancer. I am sure my experience is/will be much easier than most of yours and for that reason I hesitate to even post here. I do have the utmost compassion for what you all are going through. My condition will be treated with surgery only. The surgery is soon but not soon enough to spare me the anxiety of waiting. Although I am doing exceptionally well emotionally, this is still frightening. What I'm puzzled about.....other people's reactions. Puzzled, but not surprised. Most of the people in my life are about as selfish as it comes. They've always been minimally supportive or totally unsupportive of me, in good times and bad. (Long story, but trust me, that sums it up nicely.)I have lots of coping skills, thanks to a lifetime of medical problems, but that doesn't mean it's less serious or upsetting. The people in my life think if you're coping well that lets them off the hook for acting like human beings towards me.After all this time, I still wonder how people can live with themselves, ignoring my life events while demanding I fall all over them when they have a major life event. I don't expect anyone to coddle me, but a simple expression of sympathy would be....normal. Most people have not said a peep to me. Not even a card or "gee, sorry you had cancer". I understand some people are "not good with words" (aka, they don't bother trying to improve their skill deficiencies), but Hallmark is better than nothing! I feel like saying, grow up--you're adults.The next time one of them whines to me about having the sniffles or expects me to show up at their 4th cousin's child's 3rd birthday party, I just might go off on them.I don't know why I'm posting this. I usually find Internet forums to be useless because they're full of bullies. I guess I'm just venting. purpleaa Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi there,First of all congrats on finfong the cc so early. Stage 0 is a beautiful thing. You are not alone in sensing that people don't seem to follow up on you when struck with a serious illness. I think there are many reasons. Fear of even the word cancer. People think that means an automatic death sentence and it is simply not true. So they don't know how to deal with it. You are also very sensitive about your situation because when cancer strikes you no matter what stage, you tend to freak out and wonder why other people are not also. I guess it is human nature, people have their own busy lives and maybe their intentions are good, time has a way of passing by. I suspect your friends have you in their thoughts often though. Take heart.  LToronto Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sorry about your diagnosis, but stage 0 is good news.  (If cancer can be called good news).  People get weird when they hear cancer.  My husband died of stomach cancer February 22 of this year and his own brother didn't come from Florida to his funeral.  Couldn't be bothered?  Who knows.  You will get alot of support on this board so keep venting if it makes you feel better.  Consider us your "family".  We have a lot of stories, some encouraging, some sad but we are all going through the same thing either as a caregiver or a patient.  We all pray for each other and I will do that for you to help assuage your anxiety.  God bless you and good luck,Diane Anniedips Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/25/2008 caroljane wrote:I wonder if you are being a little self-centered here.  Stage ZERO cancer?  you should be getting down on your knees and giving thanks; urging everyone you know to get their colonoscopies; and thinking of how you will try to help anyone you ever knew or will know who has cancer.  pulllease.  if someone told me they have stage zero cancer i would say you are lucky.  try reading some of these messages from cancer victims with later stages and see how you  feel.Wow!  That is a little harsh.  No matter what stage, or what type of cancer you have it is very scary.  I can't believe you would say something so mean.  "Get down on your hands and knees and give thanks" are you kidding me?  We are here for encouragement and support, not to make eachother feel bad about our feelings. skylog Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Maybe a little harsh but true.  I have been through both stage 3 and  stage 4 , many surgeries, chemo rounds, emergency rooms., etc., etc.  In comparison to many of us, you should have a less traumatic time of it.  Be thankfull, please.  We would have given anything to be in your shoes.  Your surgery should take care of this and they will probably use a scope rather than do open surgery.  Open you from you navel to the bottom of your pelvic area. Arnold Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT well you are right and I apologize.  thanks for the reminder. caroljane Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/24/2008 purpleaa wrote:Hi. I am 39 and was just diagnosed with stage 0 colon cancer. I am sure my experience is/will be much easier than most of yours and for that reason I hesitate to even post here. I do have the utmost compassion for what you all are going through. My condition will be treated with surgery only. The surgery is soon but not soon enough to spare me the anxiety of waiting. Although I am doing exceptionally well emotionally, this is still frightening. What I'm puzzled about.....other people's reactions. Puzzled, but not surprised. Most of the people in my life are about as selfish as it comes. They've always been minimally supportive or totally unsupportive of me, in good times and bad. (Long story, but trust me, that sums it up nicely.)I have lots of coping skills, thanks to a lifetime of medical problems, but that doesn't mean it's less serious or upsetting. The people in my life think if you're coping well that lets them off the hook for acting like human beings towards me.After all this time, I still wonder how people can live with themselves, ignoring my life events while demanding I fall all over them when they have a major life event. I don't expect anyone to coddle me, but a simple expression of sympathy would be....normal. Most people have not said a peep to me. Not even a card or "gee, sorry you had cancer". I understand some people are "not good with words" (aka, they don't bother trying to improve their skill deficiencies), but Hallmark is better than nothing! I feel like saying, grow up--you're adults.The next time one of them whines to me about having the sniffles or expects me to show up at their 4th cousin's child's 3rd birthday party, I just might go off on them.I don't know why I'm posting this. I usually find Internet forums to be useless because they're full of bullies. I guess I'm just venting.I have tremendous empathy for the difficult diagnosis you are dealing with at this time.  I, also, am battling breast cancer and doing well.  What I do know about friends and,even your closest relatives, is two-fold.  First, as they look at you, their mortality is looking them squarly in the face.  Reading about cancer statistics in the newspaper allows people to distance themselves from the possibility that cancer could happen to them.  But, seeing or hearing from you, makes it very personal.  It scares them!  The second point is - they don't know what to say - they can't make it better and for many, they think if they ignore the problem, it will go away.  "I'm sorry", "Please tell me if there is anything I can do to help", or just a simple "thinking of you" card seems to appropriate, but alas, some people just cannot get to the point of accepting your diagnosis.  Please don't judge them as insensitive and selfish, they are probably scared!  If you let go of the anger, it will also help you heal and give you peace.   Please keep us updated.  Have a wonderful day.  Maddy Maddy Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/25/2008 caroljane wrote:I wonder if you are being a little self-centered here.  Stage ZERO cancer?  you should be getting down on your knees and giving thanks; urging everyone you know to get their colonoscopies; and thinking of how you will try to help anyone you ever knew or will know who has cancer.  pulllease.  if someone told me they have stage zero cancer i would say you are lucky.  try reading some of these messages from cancer victims with later stages and see how you  feel.I have stage 4 colon cancer with mets everywhere and now have lung cancer!!!! If anyone should be able to say something SOOOO MEAN it would be someone like me!!! I cant even imagine saying something so AWFUL!!!!! Cancer at ANY STAGE is grounds to be SCARED ----LESS!! MOST of us on this site know how FAST this can change for the better OR WORSE!!!!  Just because a person isent told they are going to die in the next few months DOES NOT mean they are not afraid!!!  Im sure this person knows they are "lucky"(as you would put it!) knowing they caught it early.This site is SOOOOOO very important to be able to go to for SUPPORT AND ADVICE at ANY stage!! Please dont make patients or caregivers afraid to say what they feel,for fear of being belittled!!!! We all know of the "AWFUL"stories out there,but who are we to make someone feel bad they wont die soon!!!! If you are one of the "awful" stories you should be even more understanding.I wish well to ALL those and their families with this illness! Heidirose Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Through this cancer journey I've learned that you can never assume the reactions of people to your plight.  My family were a God send.  My husband's family (the patient) although were concerned, did so at a distance.  My family was in "my face" - which is what I needed at the time.  I can certainly understand your emotional roller coaster - even at a stage 0.  Cancer is cancer.  People are people.  Some things just can't be understood.  Don't try.  It doesn't make any difference.  Wish you the best of luck through your surgery.  Take care of yourself - and remember ...check up...check up...check up.  Runabout Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT so are so so right and I sincerely apologize.  caroljane Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Let's calm down folks and not be so critical of each other, please.  Stage 3 or 4 colon cancer IS NOT the same as stage zero.  All can be dangerous, for sure.  To be stage zero is a God send and an indvidual at stage zero MUST be very thankfull. Whether  you have family and friends supporting is important also.  Be tough and fight this thing.  I've been doing it for 3 years and am very thankfull to be considered a survivor at this point in time.  Rely on the people on this post.  They will be very supportive. Your frame of mind is the most important thing you have going .  Be strong, post often and please keep us informed.  God bless and good luck. Arnold Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT I never said I wasn't thankful.  In fact I stated the opposite when I acknowledged that my experience will be less than that of others.My post had nothing to do with stages or thankfulness. Keep in mind too that you should not judge complete strangers by reading a few paragraphs about their life.  If you knew the whole truth about what I'm going through, you would be shocked to hear that I don't have as much to be thankful about as you assumed.  purpleaa Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT We are not focused on your previous life experiences - this is a colon cancer post and that is what we focus on.  You general frame of mind is extremely important as we have found and that is what we are trying to help you with.  Should you have recurrence later on , as I have, your positive outlook and thankfulness will be vital.  We are all sorry that you have had a difficult time and we know it has an effect on you now.  Focus here and let us help you. Arnold Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/24/2008 purpleaa wrote:Hi. I am 39 and was just diagnosed with stage 0 colon cancer. I am sure my experience is/will be much easier than most of yours and for that reason I hesitate to even post here. I do have the utmost compassion for what you all are going through. My condition will be treated with surgery only. The surgery is soon but not soon enough to spare me the anxiety of waiting. Although I am doing exceptionally well emotionally, this is still frightening. What I'm puzzled about.....other people's reactions. Puzzled, but not surprised. Most of the people in my life are about as selfish as it comes. They've always been minimally supportive or totally unsupportive of me, in good times and bad. (Long story, but trust me, that sums it up nicely.)I have lots of coping skills, thanks to a lifetime of medical problems, but that doesn't mean it's less serious or upsetting. The people in my life think if you're coping well that lets them off the hook for acting like human beings towards me.After all this time, I still wonder how people can live with themselves, ignoring my life events while demanding I fall all over them when they have a major life event. I don't expect anyone to coddle me, but a simple expression of sympathy would be....normal. Most people have not said a peep to me. Not even a card or "gee, sorry you had cancer". I understand some people are "not good with words" (aka, they don't bother trying to improve their skill deficiencies), but Hallmark is better than nothing! I feel like saying, grow up--you're adults.The next time one of them whines to me about having the sniffles or expects me to show up at their 4th cousin's child's 3rd birthday party, I just might go off on them.I don't know why I'm posting this. I usually find Internet forums to be useless because they're full of bullies. I guess I'm just venting.I first want to say that Iam soooo sorry for some of the not so kind words you have received in response to your post.We are not all so bitter.With that said I would like to tell you what I have too found out about people and cancer.I found out I had stage 4 colon cancer with mets everywhere! and last summer found out I now have lung cancer(no,I have NEVER smoked)I can tell you that I soon found out there are well meaning family and friends who ALWAYS managed to say the "wrong" thing to not just me ,but my family.I had to just learn they just didnt understand what I (and my family)where going through and I knew they would not say something on purpose to hurt or make us sad.I just learned t o keep my distance from them until I was stronger.Then there was the family and friends who "disappeared" when we found out.I was so hurt and felt like I was just not that important to them,I cried often and felt betrayed.But with time and understanding I figured out that they too where soooo afraid and didnt know how to makke things better,so their response was to distance themselves.I think they thought it would be less hurtful and scary if they did.They(after asking them)also where afraid of saying the wrong thing and not knowing what to do.Cancer is scary to ALL and us as patients need to keep this in mind.I found,once I was strong enough to talk to them about it,it made me feel MUCH BETTER. As hard as a time this is for you,it is for EVERYONE around you!! My BEST friend since I was 13(now 46) didnt talk to me for along time,she would just leave voice mails,so wouldnt have to talk to me.It hurt,but that is what she had to do.I knew she cared still.I have a child that was 13 when we found out,well you never would believe how she treated me and (sometimes still does treat me) but they have anger towards the illness that sometimes comes out at us.What Im trying to say is EVERYONE deals with this in their own way,right or wrong.Your job is to only think of getting better and everything else will eventually work its self out!!!! Take care of yourself!!! And please DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK  OR JUST VENT ON THIS SITE.MOST PEOPLE ARE VERY CARING.Heidi  Heidirose Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sometimes the kindest words to offer indivduals are those that they need to hear.  That has been true in my case as well as many others.  I have been focused on other issues that were not of primary importance in fighting this the last three years, and it put me off course  If you can help people feel better, that is good. Dwelling on the past and people who have not been there for me pushed me in the wrong direction.  Focus on the here and now is vital..  Arnold Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/24/2008 purpleaa wrote:Hi. I am 39 and was just diagnosed with stage 0 colon cancer. I am sure my experience is/will be much easier than most of yours and for that reason I hesitate to even post here. I do have the utmost compassion for what you all are going through. My condition will be treated with surgery only. The surgery is soon but not soon enough to spare me the anxiety of waiting. Although I am doing exceptionally well emotionally, this is still frightening. What I'm puzzled about.....other people's reactions. Puzzled, but not surprised. Most of the people in my life are about as selfish as it comes. They've always been minimally supportive or totally unsupportive of me, in good times and bad. (Long story, but trust me, that sums it up nicely.)I have lots of coping skills, thanks to a lifetime of medical problems, but that doesn't mean it's less serious or upsetting. The people in my life think if you're coping well that lets them off the hook for acting like human beings towards me.After all this time, I still wonder how people can live with themselves, ignoring my life events while demanding I fall all over them when they have a major life event. I don't expect anyone to coddle me, but a simple expression of sympathy would be....normal. Most people have not said a peep to me. Not even a card or "gee, sorry you had cancer". I understand some people are "not good with words" (aka, they don't bother trying to improve their skill deficiencies), but Hallmark is better than nothing! I feel like saying, grow up--you're adults.The next time one of them whines to me about having the sniffles or expects me to show up at their 4th cousin's child's 3rd birthday party, I just might go off on them.I don't know why I'm posting this. I usually find Internet forums to be useless because they're full of bullies. I guess I'm just venting.purpleaa,Sorry that you received some negative response to your post.  Please take whatever good info and positive support you find here and ignore the rest.  This should be a safe place to discuss feelings without fearing backlash from anyone "whose cancer is worse than yours."  All cancer is bad.  You prefaced your post with:  "I am sure my experience is/will be much easier than most of yours and for that reason I hesitate to even post here. I do have the utmost compassion for what you all are going through."  That was very well written and should have been enough to discourage any snippy remarks.  Some people reading your post missed the point.  Your post was not so much about cancer as it was about being disappointed in the people in your life.It's true that many people don't know what to say and many people get frightened when cancer happens to someone they know, making it too real and too close to home.  But, it doesn't take much effort to drop a card in the mail, make a quick phone call, etc.  I hope they begin to respond to your needs.    Good luck with your surgery and recovery.  Most everyone here is kind and supportive.  Do let us know how you're doing.Lynn                2ndtimer Sun, 27 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT There was no backlash or snippy remarks from me.  My posts are just common sense and should be taken as such.  Let me be clear again, we need to focus on what is front of us here.  I have been through 3 years fighting the beast and I have never lost focus or drifted to other issues.  Do what you want - focus on what you want.  Being gratefull for your current situation and thankfull will keep you positive and looking forward.  Arnold Sun, 27 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi,Again- I'm so glad for you that it was caught early- mine's stage IV, but I am doing very well (now cancer free & about to have surgery on my liver for 3 tumors that no longer show up as cancerous on the PET scan- my rectal tumor completely disappeared!!)Anyhow- I, too, have been amazed at some people who I know have heard about my condition, but haven't called, sent a card, or anything.  Then, on the other hand, some people that I've hardly known at all have been absolutely wonderful to me.  I'm trying not to judge the ones I haven't heard from too harshly, but we'd hardly be human if we didn't feel hurt by it!  I'm sorry that you seem to have so many people around you who are that way. If you have a faith in God, pray for those people.   I know that seems weird & completely contrary to what you'd like to do or say to those people, but it really gives me a calm when I do that.  I can't say why, except that God works in us when we pray for others.  HE knows all about you and your feelings- let the Lord envelope you in peace and security.God bless & best wishes to you-Lisa  lisaann Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  Dear Purple Pea:We all react differently to a diagnosis of cancer. Cancer is Cancer no matter what. You are suffering fear, anxiety and lack of support,. hence your venting mode, which is understandable.  May I suggest some relaxation techniques and meditation. Being angry is a step in acceptance but try to get to the next one as it does hurt one to be upset with others. Our immune system goes down so I am sure you felt better after writing your note. I was told by my so called close friend that I never had cancer I just made it up to get attention. (mine was Multiple myeloma end stage) Another would not talk to me as it was her fear not mine.  I had to work on getting through fear and learn forgiveness, which is hard in this kind of situation. So Make new friends, Love those who hate you. Remember you are in charge of your own life and can make it what you choose. All the best, you are loved, and we do care. mms On 4/24/2008 purpleaa wrote:Hi. I am 39 and was just diagnosed with stage 0 colon cancer. Iam sure my experience is/will be much easier than most of yours and forthat reason I hesitate to even post here. I do have the utmostcompassion for what you all are going through. My condition will betreated with surgery only. The surgery is soon but not soonenough to spare me the anxiety of waiting. Although I am doingexceptionally well emotionally, this is still frightening. WhatI'm puzzled about.....other people's reactions. Puzzled, but notsurprised. Most of the people in my life are about as selfish as itcomes. They've always been minimally supportive or totally unsupportiveof me, in good times and bad. (Long story, but trust me, that sums itup nicely.)I have lots of coping skills, thanks to a lifetime ofmedical problems, but that doesn't mean it's less serious or upsetting.The people in my life think if you're coping well that lets them offthe hook for acting like human beings towards me.After all thistime, I still wonder how people can live with themselves, ignoring mylife events while demanding I fall all over them when they have a majorlife event. I don't expect anyone to coddle me, but a simple expressionof sympathy would be....normal. Most people have not said apeep to me. Not even a card or "gee, sorry you had cancer". Iunderstand some people are "not good with words" (aka, they don'tbother trying to improve their skill deficiencies), but Hallmark isbetter than nothing! I feel like saying, grow up--you're adults.Thenext time one of them whines to me about having the sniffles or expectsme to show up at their 4th cousin's child's 3rd birthday party, I justmight go off on them.I don't know why I'm posting this. Iusually find Internet forums to be useless because they're full ofbullies. I guess I'm just venting.  mmsurvivor Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/24/2008 purpleaa wrote:Hi. I am 39 and was just diagnosed with stage 0 colon cancer. I am sure my experience is/will be much easier than most of yours and for that reason I hesitate to even post here. I do have the utmost compassion for what you all are going through. My condition will be treated with surgery only. The surgery is soon but not soon enough to spare me the anxiety of waiting. Although I am doing exceptionally well emotionally, this is still frightening. What I'm puzzled about.....other people's reactions. Puzzled, but not surprised. Most of the people in my life are about as selfish as it comes. They've always been minimally supportive or totally unsupportive of me, in good times and bad. (Long story, but trust me, that sums it up nicely.)I have lots of coping skills, thanks to a lifetime of medical problems, but that doesn't mean it's less serious or upsetting. The people in my life think if you're coping well that lets them off the hook for acting like human beings towards me.After all this time, I still wonder how people can live with themselves, ignoring my life events while demanding I fall all over them when they have a major life event. I don't expect anyone to coddle me, but a simple expression of sympathy would be....normal. Most people have not said a peep to me. Not even a card or "gee, sorry you had cancer". I understand some people are "not good with words" (aka, they don't bother trying to improve their skill deficiencies), but Hallmark is better than nothing! I feel like saying, grow up--you're adults.The next time one of them whines to me about having the sniffles or expects me to show up at their 4th cousin's child's 3rd birthday party, I just might go off on them.I don't know why I'm posting this. I usually find Internet forums to be useless because they're full of bullies. I guess I'm just venting.I think when people see you are coping well they sometimes think that you may not need or welcome their sympathetic comments. You sound like you're a really strong person and I have a feeling that the people in your life may need a virtual brick to fall on them. Let them know that you feel scared and you may see a change in how they treat you. They are probably not used to seeing you vulnerable and  need to be shown that side of you. Good Luck , you deserve to have some support  Sterling Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/28/2008 lisaann wrote:I'm trying not to judge the ones I haven't heard from too harshly, but we'd hardly be human if we didn't feel hurt by it!  Thank you for your kind comments.  Ditto to the quote above.  Other people's reactions is not my foremost problem at the moment, it is just something I wanted to vent about, because it hurts, and I thought people with other medical issues would understand.My procedure will be risky because of another major medical condition I have been dealing with since infancy.  Thus I am especially anxious, but as I said I have lots of coping strategies that help.  Long story, but let's just say my health is and always has been a major struggle.  I have had several life-threatening emergencies recently because of it. I'm sorry but I do not agree with the comment that this forum is "only to deal with the here and now".  My here and now is a product of my past as well as my present.  The reason I am emotionally exhausted right now is because of my past as well as my present.  Anyone would get tired after a lifetime of medical drama. That is the nature of chronic illnesses, whether we like it or not. purpleaa Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi again,I did not write that this forum is just to reply to the here and now- that must have been someone else, because I don't neccesarily agree with that either!It sounds like you've definitely had a lot to deal with- blessings are bound to come your way soon- take care!!!!!Lisa lisaann Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi everybody.  This is my first post; I was diagnosed with cancer colon two weeks ago and my doctor said it could be anywhere between stages I and III, but they can't determine until my surgery, which is scheduled for next week.How do you know what stage you're in before surgery?  Obviously, if it has mets to your liver or lungs, that would probably be Stage IV, but did anybody here know what stage prior to surgery?   KellyBelle Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Way to welcome someone who was just diagnosed with Cancer, no matter what the stage. Sickening. Purple, you have every right to be scared, no matter what stage you were diagnosed. Cancer itself is a scary word. I am sorry you were treated like someone who should be THANKFUL THAT THEY HAVE CANCER.   Kristennyc Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/30/2008 Kristennyc wrote:Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Way to welcome someone who was just diagnosed with Cancer, no matter what the stage. Sickening. Purple, you have every right to be scared, no matter what stage you were diagnosed. Cancer itself is a scary word. I am sorry you were treated like someone who should be THANKFUL THAT THEY HAVE CANCER.  Wrong!!  Thankfull for having stage one where they can pretty much assure a good outcome.  No one is asking someone to be thankful they have cancer.   That is absurd.  We are only trying to help her have a positive approach and use her energy in a positive way.  Arnold Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Excuse me - stage 0 Arnold Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT Stacey - Suggesting that the surgeon could use the scope is a positive comment.  In any event, the surgeon will determine that prior to surgery and so inform the patient. I had a scope the last time and I was out of the hospital in three days.  How could I ever in any way possible determine what a surgeon might use??  Baffling! Arnold Sat, 03 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT And Stacy, sounds like you had lapaoroscopy accomplished as I did in my last surgery in Nov 07.  I was out in 3 days with limited scaring and post operative pain.  Sounds like a good thing to me and very positive overall. Arnold Sat, 03 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sorry - the last two posts were for angelwithanattitude Arnold Sat, 03 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi, I am a stage IV survivor diagnosed Feb 2006. I know your diagnosis is scary, no matter what stage. I am blessed to have a virtual army of help so hearing that your family isn't supporting your needs makes me very sad for you.All I can suggest is to surround yourself with people that WILL support you. Contact your local Wellness community, call the cancer society in your area ... ask your oncologist/oncology nurse for helpful groups. I have learned that there are SO many caring people out there. All I have to do is ask and someone is there for me. (And this forum is great too :<)Surrounding yourself with support will help your cancer fight. Your emotional state and attitude has a lot to do with your recovery. You can't control how your family reacts, but you can control how YOU react to them. Don't let them get you down.  I'm rooting for YOU. KarenAnd don't forget these two letters ... NO. It is okay to say NO to your family. Please, this is the time to put yourself first. Karenb Sun, 04 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 4/24/2008 purpleaa wrote:Hi. I am 39 and was just diagnosed with stage 0 colon cancer. I am sure my experience is/will be much easier than most of yours and for that reason I hesitate to even post here. I do have the utmost compassion for what you all are going through. My condition will be treated with surgery only. The surgery is soon but not soon enough to spare me the anxiety of waiting. Although I am doing exceptionally well emotionally, this is still frightening. What I'm puzzled about.....other people's reactions. Puzzled, but not surprised. Most of the people in my life are about as selfish as it comes. They've always been minimally supportive or totally unsupportive of me, in good times and bad. (Long story, but trust me, that sums it up nicely.)I have lots of coping skills, thanks to a lifetime of medical problems, but that doesn't mean it's less serious or upsetting. The people in my life think if you're coping well that lets them off the hook for acting like human beings towards me.After all this time, I still wonder how people can live with themselves, ignoring my life events while demanding I fall all over them when they have a major life event. I don't expect anyone to coddle me, but a simple expression of sympathy would be....normal. Most people have not said a peep to me. Not even a card or "gee, sorry you had cancer". I understand some people are "not good with words" (aka, they don't bother trying to improve their skill deficiencies), but Hallmark is better than nothing! I feel like saying, grow up--you're adults.The next time one of them whines to me about having the sniffles or expects me to show up at their 4th cousin's child's 3rd birthday party, I just might go off on them.I don't know why I'm posting this. I usually find Internet forums to be useless because they're full of bullies. I guess I'm just venting.Hi,Sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with colon cancer.  Whatever Cancer you are diagnosed with it is a scary business.I too had a scare several years ago now and I too was shocked how some people just didn't really see where I was coming from, the people I thought were going to be there weren't and some special people shone through and to this day are special to me, one person was actually diagnosed herself  some years later with Cancer and I helped her by being a support and to this day she is always there for me.  I am struggling at the moment because my precious Dad is dying .  Like you say people just tend to think nothing will happen to them, but believe me it does. I always believe , treat people the way you wish to be treated.For several years I felt angry but then realised we are all different and we don't always think alike.  You make sure you keep strong and love the people you love and in return you will be loved.I think people see you coping but they don't realise that you are suffering inside.I try not to get angry with people now because it isn't worth it. Don't change the kind caring person that you sound that you are.  Life is one big learning curb and some of us get tested more than others.You concentrate on your fight in hand and the rest will sort itself.Make sure you come to this board because people here do really care.I have made several message board mates and at the moment they help me to carry on during such testing times.Take CareGail (England)  GailEngland Sun, 04 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 5/4/2008 Karenb wrote:Hi, I am a stage IV survivor diagnosed Feb 2006. I know your diagnosis is scary, no matter what stage. I am blessed to have a virtual army of help so hearing that your family isn't supporting your needs makes me very sad for you.All I can suggest is to surround yourself with people that WILL support you. Contact your local Wellness community, call the cancer society in your area ... ask your oncologist/oncology nurse for helpful groups. I have learned that there are SO many caring people out there. All I have to do is ask and someone is there for me. (And this forum is great too :<)Surrounding yourself with support will help your cancer fight. Your emotional state and attitude has a lot to do with your recovery. You can't control how your family reacts, but you can control how YOU react to them. Don't let them get you down.  I'm rooting for YOU. KarenAnd don't forget these two letters ... NO. It is okay to say NO to your family. Please, this is the time to put yourself first. Dear karen, your message was so encouraging.  I am so worried about my sister who is 54 and just diagnosed with stage IV colo-rectal.  I am interested in your story and treatment as things sound good for you, thanks.    caroljane Sun, 04 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT