CancerCompass message board discussion started by Norma50 on 5/8/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,23842,0.htm Fri, 04 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT Fri, 04 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I am a caregiver to my spouse with Stage IV Colon Cancer with liver mets.  Friends and family have been asking how to help out.  Since you are a caregiver, what types of things do you request?  Someone told me yesterday I need to put my pride aside.  It is just so overwhelming to me because it just seems that so much is falling apart around us 'literally'.  Keep up your strength!!  I sure am trying. Norma50 Thu, 08 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT I am a part time care giver to my Dad, when my mother is working, i help care for my Dad who has esophageal cancer with mets to the liver, stage IV.  I have found the best thing people can do is to make soup for my Dad.  My mom is so busy with work and caring for my Dad, and I am busy with my toddler and caring for Dad, and it's so hard to find foods that Dad will eat, but soup seems to be his number one thing that he will eat.  And even if he won't eat it, my mom will.  It saves her time trying to find somthing for herself,.  So if there is a certain food that your husband seems to eat, get people to make it, that's my suggestion.  Also, things like picking perscriptions up, picking stuff up from the grocery store, etc. lland Fri, 16 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT When my husband was first diagnosed with Melanoma, we were flooded by requests of people wanting to "help out".  I really feel it is their way of letting my husband know they care, and wish they could do something to make things just a bit better or easier for us.  With most of us, it's our nature to want to fix things.  With cancer, we feel helpless.  Therefore, any task given is a blessing  to the patient, caregiver and the person performing the task.  It truly doesn't matter how silly the task is. An example: we have horses, and our neighbor's children wanted to do something during my husbands recovery from surgery.  They volunteered to come over each night to feed.  Something I could have easily done, but it made them feel they were an important part of my husband's recovery.  It touched us very deeply.Please allow others to help out.  It truly is a blessing to all involved.     Runabout Fri, 16 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT Swollowing my pride is also very hard.  My family, when I was growing up, was on welfare a couple of times and I swore I was never going to need "charity" when I had my own family!The first go round of my husband's cancer, I was taken aside my a colleague and told that she needed to talk to me.  She told me "no" was not an option, and to make it easier I just needed to give her a list of foods that we liked.  They organized dinners during the weeks and the whole enchilada on the weekends.  It felt silly to accept this, because I was perfectly capable of providing for my family and driving through to pick up food or cooking it myself.  It was a great relief, though, to not have to.  They also told me I could NOT write thank you notes. (I did anyway)This go round (it is back, bigger, and inoperable), I have learned not only to accept the help offered, but to ask for specifics when someone says "if there is anything I can do."  So, while I stayed the night at the hospital, I asked someone else to stay home with my kids.  A friend is coming up right now to bring me food so I can stay in the room with my hubby, who already ate the hospital mush they gave him.Yesterday someone asked how they could help when he gets home.  I told them I might need a ride for my children to their summer camps, or summer dance classes.  Just knowing these things will be taken care of will make life a lot easier.Think about what will truly make your life a little easier while you are being the caregiver to someone else. Sickofitall Sat, 31 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT I also forgot to mention that my brother and brother-in-law mowed my lawn the entire summer the first go round.  If they offer this year, I am taking them up on it! Sickofitall Sat, 31 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT