CancerCompass message board discussion started by sparkles2012 on 5/13/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,23989,0.htm Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ My Dad has lung cancer, diagnosed about two months ago, advanced stage, in-operable - right lung has collapsed.  He went for radiation - supposed to be 60 sessions, but he completed 37 and said he had had enough.  He has lost enormous amounts of weight (about 20kg in about 4 months|) and is incredibly weak.  Just two months ago he was fit and as sharp as a whip..... now... no two days are the same.  First we are told the treatment could buy him two to three years, then becasue he lost so much weight, maybe 18 months, then he had to be admitted and fed intraveneously and we thought it was the end.  Then suddenly he was looking so good we all got our hopes up - It is anemotional roller coaster - my mother is emotionally and physically exhausted.  The morphine changes his personality, but we keep telling ourselves, this gentle, loving person, would never willingly upset anyone.  Cancer affects the whole family! What my mom needs to know though is... what next, what can we expect and how do we handle it.... the doctors are pretty vague, so we aren't sure and just wish there was a list we could refer to... something that says... all of the following are normal during this stage of cancer... this is what u can do in each of these cases.... But we can't find anything that helps.  Like, how do u cope with his anger, depression, negativity, tears, emotional outbursts - how do u cope with your own.....  Any advice at all would help.Jo  sparkles2012 Tue, 13 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hi, I lost my beautiful precious Father last Wednesday to Cancer.  During the last two months of his life, due to pain my Father has been on vast amounts of drugs. When in hospital even though it is sad Mum and I laughed lots, the drugs Dad was on (well we called it the truth drug) made Dad say funny things.  One day Mum and I went to visit , Dad was completely compesmentas(not sure of the spelling sorry).  He then said to my Mum, Oh you need a shave. We started to laugh .  Mum was laughing so much she had to vacate to the toilet. He said " where has she gone?"," I know she has gone to have a shave" (by the way Mum is not a hairy woman).  I then asked ,what about me Dad, he then said oh I know you use the electric machine and preceeded to make the noise of the machine.  I had rather black eyes due to sleep, he said oh dear you have make up all down your eyes.  I told the nurse on duty Dad was confused, so she said "Sid what do I look like?", He replied oh you are ok but rather large on the bottom half " , Yikes  !!!!!.  We know he couln't help it, we laughed with him but not at him.  He also told a family memner , when she came into the room "Oh you have got rather fat ", not very tactful but otherwise very true.  We started to get used to it.There are lots of emotional journeys that you will go on and lets hope you have a successful journey. If I can be any help please don't hesitate to ask.Regards Gail (England) GailEngland Tue, 13 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT Hello - I am so sorry for the pain you are going through with your father and your mom's pain too.  My husband was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer  (non-small cell) in September of 2007 and just passed away March 2008.  He seemed to do pretty well with his radiation, but the chemo took so much out of him he virtually lost quality of life.  We did tube feedings because he lost all desire to eat, normal smells began to bother him, and someone who was once the most patient, gentle, kind, loving man turned very cynical, mean and impatient - mostly to me as I was his caretaker.  I would go upstairs and cry at his outbursts.  He was on 17 different medications so, at first, I attributed it to that.  While he was getting his treatments one day, I mentioned something to his nurse.  She said that this is normal for cancer patients because of the anger they feel (she went through this with her husband for three years non-stop).  My husband reverted back to being loving again, but I did find that talking to someone at the cancer center helped me validate that I was doing nothing wrong and that this was a normal behavior.  It didn't matter how many times I told him he hurt my feelings because, at that point, he didn't care.  It did tax my patience, however, there is nothing I would not have done for him and I'm sure your mom feels the same way. The pain for the caregiver and family can be unbearable.  However, by continuing to talk about it openly with friends and someone at the cancer center, I finally realized in my heart that my husband would never have treated me like this and this was a behavior that just went along with his illness. He also began forgetting things but not because of metastasis to his brain, because his calcium levels were off the charts and the calcium was not going back into his bones but staying in his blood stream - which caused him horrific pain in his legs to the point that I virtually had to carry him. In February our doctor told us if we were to discontinue chemo (which we had to because of the toll it was taking on my husband's body), we could expect two years at best and six months worst case scenario.  I knew that was a joke.  We went for a second opinion in March, and eight days later my husband passed away. I don't know that any of this will help, but don't hold back on your own tears - you need to release in order to continue.  Don't be impatient with your father, he would never want to hurt you intentionally or cause you any emotional pain.  Love him and try to have good conversations with him on those days that you can.  Look at old pictures with good memories. You don't have to be strong all the time in front of him, you are human too.   And don't forget the words, "I love you".On 5/13/2008 sparkles2012 wrote:My Dad has lung cancer, diagnosed about two months ago, advanced stage, in-operable - right lung has collapsed.  He went for radiation - supposed to be 60 sessions, but he completed 37 and said he had had enough.  He has lost enormous amounts of weight (about 20kg in about 4 months|) and is incredibly weak.  Just two months ago he was fit and as sharp as a whip..... now... no two days are the same.  First we are told the treatment could buy him two to three years, then becasue he lost so much weight, maybe 18 months, then he had to be admitted and fed intraveneously and we thought it was the end.  Then suddenly he was looking so good we all got our hopes up - It is anemotional roller coaster - my mother is emotionally and physically exhausted.  The morphine changes his personality, but we keep telling ourselves, this gentle, loving person, would never willingly upset anyone.  Cancer affects the whole family! What my mom needs to know though is... what next, what can we expect and how do we handle it.... the doctors are pretty vague, so we aren't sure and just wish there was a list we could refer to... something that says... all of the following are normal during this stage of cancer... this is what u can do in each of these cases.... But we can't find anything that helps.  Like, how do u cope with his anger, depression, negativity, tears, emotional outbursts - how do u cope with your own.....  Any advice at all would help.Jo   dancia Thu, 15 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT Dancia,Thank you for reasuring what I have been thinking.MyMom was diagnosed with extended small cell lung cancer in September2007,she was givin 2-3 months to live without chemo,up to 18 monthswith chemo.She has tolorated the 2 out of 3 different chemo prettywell.She is tired a lot.The tumors in her lungs show to beshrinking.They don't check the rest of the body where the cancer is,Isappose they are trying to get her breathing better for her.Her moodsare always unpredictabe,(understandable)but now I just want tocry for her, beacause I don't feel she is enjoying each day.We all tryto make her days special,and we all show her unconditional love.She isthe glue in our family and frankly,I'm not sure how I'll get throughthis life without her.We have families too,and I find myself lettingthings go at home because I feel Mom needs me,even if it's just atalk.All of this is so hard.I feel so bad for her. 1Karen Thu, 15 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT