CancerCompass message board discussion started by laurali59 on 7/8/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,25836,0.htm Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I have recently been diagnosed and surgically treated for cervical cancer. I am very fortunate, in that I do not need any further treatment. I am not complaining, or being a crybaby, but I feel paralyzed, my mother has lymphoma, and has been going through various treatments for almost 2 years, she still hasn't gotten rid of this growing death, this scares the heck out of me. I am daily reminded that there's  a 10% chance it can come back. I watch my mother suffer repeatedly, treatment after treatment. My husband has been incredible through this whole experience, but he does not understand the feelings I have. I feel so lost and unsure, I know I have been blessed, but I live with cancer everyday. I just need someone to talk to, who understands my paralyzing fear. laurali59 Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT I definitely understand your fear, I also had cervical cancer, but was successfully treated....I was very fearful too.  You need to take that fear and use it in a positive way.  Make sure you understand the true risks associated with cervical cancer.   Knowledge is power and will also help you control your fear.  Look at things this way... God has given you a blessing by catching your cancer early.  This will help you prevent future cervical cancer from occurring.  People don't always have this opportunity to catch it early and ensure they do the appropriate prevention.  Fear is usually what happens when you are dealing with the unknown, so get as much knowledge as possible and ensure you ask your doctor questions.  Look at this as an opportunity to prevent future cancer, it is also a chance to be able to understand what your mother is going thru.  Take everyday and appreciate it to it's fullest and take your fear and turn it into a positive for yourself.    The choice of how you handle this situation is all yours.  Mommy4 Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT Thank you for your words of wisdom. I do feel blessed. I get another opportunity to live life with a new outlook, a more appreciative outlook. Some days I feel like a basket case, I know in part it is the hormones, since my surgery, I have days when all I do is cry, other days I'm angry, I know there is a process I have to go though, I feel very alone, I am not, but I can't talk to my husband or my family, because I don't want to upset them with my fears and worries. I am the oldest of 4 siblings, a mother of 2 teens, and I'm 40. My husband always says we are too young to have to worry about these kinds of situations, so my dilemma is, I am the family stronghold, how do I let my family know I'm not that strong, without pulling the rug out from under them. I am so thankful that there are people willing to talk to strangers about such intimate subjects. THANK YOU! laurali59 Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/8/2008 laurali59 wrote:Thank you for your words of wisdom. I do feel blessed. I get another opportunity to live life with a new outlook, a more appreciative outlook. Some days I feel like a basket case, I know in part it is the hormones, since my surgery, I have days when all I do is cry, other days I'm angry, I know there is a process I have to go though, I feel very alone, I am not, but I can't talk to my husband or my family, because I don't want to upset them with my fears and worries. I am the oldest of 4 siblings, a mother of 2 teens, and I'm 40. My husband always says we are too young to have to worry about these kinds of situations, so my dilemma is, I am the family stronghold, how do I let my family know I'm not that strong, without pulling the rug out from under them. I am so thankful that there are people willing to talk to strangers about such intimate subjects. THANK YOU!Hi Laureli,Talking to strangers can be a big relief, but in many ways it is a poor substitute for the love and support of family and friends.  I recommend that you tell your family exactly what you have told us. They might be more supportive in the ways you need them to be supportive if you gave them more of a chance.  Feeling that you always have to be the strong one does you a disservice.  I know - I've been there.  I felt I was the one who had to hold the bucket while everyone else got their dippers full of water, without ever taking a drink myself.  When I finally realized that I desperately needed a dipperful myself, the water was all gone .  I just didn't have anything left for myself, except an empty bucket.  Don't let that be you.When your husband says you are too young to have to worry about these situations, gently stop him, and say "oh yes we do, because it's here whether we like it or not, and I really need your help cause I can't do this alone."  Your siblings NEED to know what you are going through, because cancer tends to run in families.  After all, your mom has lymphoma, you had cervical cancer - they too are at risk, and  they should be learning from your experience.  NOT talking to them about it may be depriving them of a wakeup call they really need. As for your two teenagers, now is an excellent time to be talking to them about cancer.  They have inherited your genes - while they may  be young,  they are also at risk, and they need to be aware of the signs of cancer and taught that medical problems need to be investigated and treated promptly.  Also, they are at the perfect age to begin assuming responsibility for their own health and well-being.  Take the opportunity as a family to learn about the things that can be done to prevent cancer:  exercise, drinking lots of pure water to detoxify chemicals, consuming fresh raw fruits and vegetables, avoiding aspartame and other harmful chemicals, as well as taking care of themselves emotionally and spiritually. Please forgive me if this message is a little harsh - I don't mean for it to be.  But I have learned from my own cancer experience that you can't go it alone, and strangers can't and won't always be there for you, and loving your family and friends means being honest with them, telling them when you need them, and having tough discussions with them because you do care.  I also have learned that family and friends sometimes are much stronger than we think they are, but they are just waiting for someone else to mention the elephant in the living room. And, please, for your own sake:  Don't look at your mom's continuing struggle with cancer and therefore convince yourself that will be your plight also.  cancer affects each person differently, and one type of cancer can take a radically different course than another.  Lymphoma is a blood-born cancer, whereas cervical cancer is local (actually in the tissues.)  This makes a huge difference as to treatment and response.  Your mom's cancer is a tremendously different beast than was yours,  affecting the immune system so much more radically than local cancer, so comparing the two is crazy-making.  It may not seem fair to your mom, but having caught your type of cancer early, you have been handed the lesser of two evils. It takes time to wage the psychological battle of dealing with cancer, so be gentle with yourself and allow yourself that time to heal.  In the coming weeks and months, I think you will become of more help to your mom than you were before you had this experience yourself.I wish you, your mom, and your family the best.Sincerely, Tre     trehouse60 Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/8/2008 laurali59 wrote:Thank you for your words of wisdom. I do feel blessed. I get another opportunity to live life with a new outlook, a more appreciative outlook. Some days I feel like a basket case, I know in part it is the hormones, since my surgery, I have days when all I do is cry, other days I'm angry, I know there is a process I have to go though, I feel very alone, I am not, but I can't talk to my husband or my family, because I don't want to upset them with my fears and worries. I am the oldest of 4 siblings, a mother of 2 teens, and I'm 40. My husband always says we are too young to have to worry about these kinds of situations, so my dilemma is, I am the family stronghold, how do I let my family know I'm not that strong, without pulling the rug out from under them. I am so thankful that there are people willing to talk to strangers about such intimate subjects. THANK YOU!Have you tried talking to your husband or family?  I know I sold my husband short by holding my fears about my health back from him.  I thought I was protecting him but actually he had his own fears about my health and how it affected our lives.  Sometimes, women are so concerned w/ not being selfish that we don't take care of ourselves.  Be selfish - you're a great wife and a great mother but you have to take care of yourself - look toward others for support during this time.  Dlynn1210 Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/8/2008 Dlynn1210 wrote: On 7/8/2008 laurali59 wrote:Thank you for your words of wisdom. I do feel blessed. I get another opportunity to live life with a new outlook, a more appreciative outlook. Some days I feel like a basket case, I know in part it is the hormones, since my surgery, I have days when all I do is cry, other days I'm angry, I know there is a process I have to go though, I feel very alone, I am not, but I can't talk to my husband or my family, because I don't want to upset them with my fears and worries. I am the oldest of 4 siblings, a mother of 2 teens, and I'm 40. My husband always says we are too young to have to worry about these kinds of situations, so my dilemma is, I am the family stronghold, how do I let my family know I'm not that strong, without pulling the rug out from under them. I am so thankful that there are people willing to talk to strangers about such intimate subjects. THANK YOU!Have you tried talking to your husband or family?  I know I sold my husband short by holding my fears about my health back from him.  I thought I was protecting him but actually he had his own fears about my health and how it affected our lives.  Sometimes, women are so concerned w/ not being selfish that we don't take care of ourselves.  Be selfish - you're a great wife and a great mother but you have to take care of yourself - look toward others for support during this time.  I also agree with all the comments listed. You need to let your family be a part of your cancer and your recovery. Cancer DOES affect all the family. Your husband is probably in denial as he is scared and he doesn't want anything to happen to you.  He is willing to shut out reality and not have to face the fact thay cancer can take away the person he loves. You need to talk to him and let him know that you need his support and that if he were going through this he wouldn't be alone. You would be by his side all the way.Its a horrible feeling to have many people around you and to feel so alone. I too have experienced that, so be careful as you don't want to end up with depression. You and your husband may need to speek to someone professionaly to help with this situation.I too am sick and have my mum sick with Cervical Cancer and I know how hard it is to put yourself on the backburner all the time.I also think with time you will feel more at ease and not so scared but it will always be at the back of your mind. Especially when its time for your checkups.Try and take what you have been through to help others who are suffering from Cervical Cancer. See if there is something that you can get involved in withing the community to promote prevention by Pap Smears. There are still so many women who don't have regular pap smears. This may be something you can get your husband and kids to be a part of, also giving them an understanding of what you have and are still going through. Get them to be a part of the bigger picture. You didn't say if you had girls or boys, but if you have girls it can be an ongoing plight which will also help them.Good luck with both yourself and your mum and you are not alone, never forget that.CheersRoula roula Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT I am a husband trying to deal with and understand this crazy thing called cancer. My wife and est friend has recuurent metatastic cervicle cancer and was told she most likely will not be here for christmas! We have three children 8, 12, 18 years old. This is NOT something that anyone can do alone! I spend many hours researching to find any help or advice I can to help my wife. One person can not do everything and keep their head at the same time. Share your thoughts with your family and dont hold back anything. Keep the faith and dont give up!!!! Life is too short and your friends and family need to be involved and understand that this affects everyone who is close to you. Good luck and GOD BLESS!!!! concerned husband Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/8/2008 laurali59 wrote:I have recently been diagnosed and surgically treated for cervical cancer. I am very fortunate, in that I do not need any further treatment. I am not complaining, or being a crybaby, but I feel paralyzed, my mother has lymphoma, and has been going through various treatments for almost 2 years, she still hasn't gotten rid of this growing death, this scares the heck out of me. I am daily reminded that there's  a 10% chance it can come back. I watch my mother suffer repeatedly, treatment after treatment. My husband has been incredible through this whole experience, but he does not understand the feelings I have. I feel so lost and unsure, I know I have been blessed, but I live with cancer everyday. I just need someone to talk to, who understands my paralyzing fear.I do understand how you feel.  It has been a month since my last treatment and I do somewhat paralyzed because i have friends and family who are fighting this deadly disease everyday but I have learned that since my tratment is working I'm still in the fight for my life.  I my husband of 5 yrs has been a good support but I have my days like anyone else when I do need someone to talk to, a person who is going through the same thing I am.  It hard but I know that GOD is watching me and he knows what best for me.  I just want to tell you to keep GOD first and continue  on being there for your mother.   GOD Bless You. roxie694 Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT