CancerCompass message board discussion started by cancersucksbad on 7/24/2008 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,26399,0.htm Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ sadness, does it get better?...my mom is dying of lung cancer at the cancer treatment centers of america in philly...in less than 9 months she went from a tiny spot that one Dr said would be easy to get rid of and now she is dying from the following..massive tumor growth in just 3 weeks, mrsa infection, black mold??..how she got that in an hospital i will never know..but it hurts so bad, all i do is cry and second guess myself..i have been here with her for 8 weeks and she is just declining so fast...i blame myself for bringing her here and my brothers blame me....i really have no desire to live anymore it is so tough. cancersucksbad Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT Please do not blame yourself.  Do not second guess your decisions.  You did what you thought best for your mom.  Yes, there is sadness and there always will be sadness in your heart, but you have to remember wonderful memories of your mother and talk of her often.  She is not gone yet...tell her how much you love her and what a wonderful mom she has been.  My husband Mike fought for 3 years stage IV stomach cancer.  My sadness is overwhelming but I will live and I will keep his memory alive.  When your mom does pass, do not give up on life.  Keep her memory alive...it is the only way to alleviate your pain.  Remember, we will be reunited for eternity...God bless you,Diane, Mike's wife Anniedips Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT  On 7/24/2008 cancersucksbad wrote:sadness, does it get better?...my mom is dying of lung cancer at the cancer treatment centers of america in philly...in less than 9 months she went from a tiny spot that one Dr said would be easy to get rid of and now she is dying from the following..massive tumor growth in just 3 weeks, mrsa infection, black mold??..how she got that in an hospital i will never know..but it hurts so bad, all i do is cry and second guess myself..i have been here with her for 8 weeks and she is just declining so fast...i blame myself for bringing her here and my brothers blame me....i really have no desire to live anymore it is so tough. I am so sorry about all you are going through. My dad died of cancer in 2006. He only lived about 6 months after his diagnosis. I urge you to not blame yourself. You did what you thought was best for your mom. Have you talked to those at CTCA about your concerns about your mom's treatment? I have only seen CTCA from the viewpoint as a patient but they seem quite nurturing to caregivers as well. Have you talked to a chaplain about your feelings. They are trained to help people with their emotions. I am not familiar with the Philly center. I go to Midwestern in Zion, Illinois. I would assume though that there are people you can talk to that will be helpful. I hope you and your brothers can unite at this time. Hang in there.  Cindy D. Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT