CancerCompass message board discussion started by Crystal B. on 5/27/2003 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,346,0.htm Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hi, My name is Crystal and it will be 3 weeks tomorrow since we found out my mom has 4-8 months. There was no prior illness, problem, etc. She just began to lose the coordination on the left side of her body and was having problems walking straight. So, after all the tests and meetings with doctors, that is the prognosis. I've already experienced a rollercoaster of emotions - and in "the background" of daily life I'm always sick to my stomach. I've been spending a lot of time with mom and dad. Of course I want to spend as much time with her as possible, but it is not always easy to be "up" for her - and my dad too, but I am really trying. I'm an only child and have no extended family, so I am left to my own resources to somehow find the strength to make it through this. It's lonely. The feelings are so intense that I'm not sure how to deal with them. I really don't know what to do other than pray and be supportive for her. But OW. It hurts really bad. And it never stops. Crystal B. Tue, 27 May 2003 00:00:00 GMT Hi Crystal - I'm very sorry, and I can totally relate. My father was diagnosed with terminal esophagus/stomach cancer about 2 months ago. They thought they could operate, but once they went in, it was too far spread. They are also giving him 4-8 months. I have 1 brother, but like you have really no extended family. I live about 7 states away from him (I moved from CA to NE right before he was diagnosed) and know what it's like to try and be the strong one for everyone. I really don't know what to tell you as far as how to deal, I'm more so writing because I'm in the same boat. There are huge fluctuations in emotions and I have to put on this professional face for my job, put on a 'strong' face with my mom and brother when all I want to do is cry. I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I too am searching for some sort of advice or support. At 27 yrs old, you never expect to bury your father, especially since I can't be there during his last days. I'm less concerned about my feelings, more so how do I deal with his anger and depression during these next few painful months. I want him to be at peace before he goes, not angry at the world. Anyway, I'm sorry I can't offer more advice; I'm new to this too. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in your pain. It's a crushing experience and I totally understand. Please feel free to send me a message anytime. Hang in there... Meghan C. Thu, 05 Jun 2003 00:00:00 GMT Dear Meghan, Thank you SO much for writing! I can identify with everything you wrote - (I even moved here from CA) :) I appreciate you sharing your feelings! This is so lonely, isn't it? After wearing the different hats all day long, by the time I can be ME I'm just plain exhausted from the myriad of constant emotions. Yet, at other times I'm totally "over-wired" - How can this be happening in my life? I would like very much to stay in touch with you and exchange messages. I hope to hear from you, Meghan! You hang in there too!!! Right now I'm in coma mode and looking forward to the escape for a few hours. ~Have a great Friday Crystal B. Thu, 05 Jun 2003 00:00:00 GMT Hi Crystal, My name is Vinnie and I know exactly how you feel. My father passed away on Jan. 15, 2003 and he had been sick with cancer for only 6 months from the day of diagnosis. In November 2003, the doctors told me that he would probably only live a month. He actually lived for two months. On New Year's Day, they told us he would go any day. He was alert and everything. He lived for 14 more days and passed at home. It was the hardest thing I have ever endured. I prayed that God just give my dad the courage necessary to face each day. My father was a preacher and he believed in God and so do I. So, I prayed that I could be strong for him and my mother. My parents were living in Florida and I live in New Jersey. I moved my mother here two days after and buried my father a couple of days after that. My dad and I spent his last 6 months of his life laughing and eating. We always had his favorite foods (when he could eat). We would laugh, laugh, laugh...even if he was in the hospital. I learned that time was precious and we didn't want to spend it just waiting for the worst to happen. We literally lived each day as if it were our last. And one day, that last day arrived, and I have no regrets because my dad and I talked, loved, and laughed. So, as painful as it is, it will be even more painful. But, Crystal, make sure that you live life at its best. Touch your mother, hold her hand, smell her hair, listen to her speak, and enjoy her smile. That's how you get through it...you just enjoy every waking moment, literally. Hang in there... Vinnie B. Daddy's Girl Mon, 30 Jun 2003 00:00:00 GMT Crystal, I am sorry to hear of your trials. I think that you need to learn to be yourself around your family and not be the "strong" one. You are facing a great trial and honesty with your loved ones will help them see that you do deeply care for them. There will be good times and bad times but the love that is shared is what will be remembered. Even crying together can have a soul healing power. Celebrate each precious moment that you can and cherish even the pain because both help us to remember that we are alive. Know most of all that even death is only a momentary experience from which we pass and will soon be changed into a new experience. I, as a Christian, believe that we will be translated into the presence of God and will await the return of the Lord. While it is sad to loose someone, knowing that those who die in the Lord are blessed helps us to know that God is caring for their life even when that life leaves the body. God Bless, Marlin Marlin B. Mon, 07 Jul 2003 00:00:00 GMT Crystal, I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I lost my mom to cancer just two months ago. As I read through your message and the replies, I found myself sobbing. My mom was misdiagnosed, and the cancer went unchecked in her body for at least a year and a half. She actually had two types of cancer, Hodgkins Lymphoma and Merkel Cell Carcinoma. The lymphoma went into remission once they finally got the diagnosis right, but the Merkel Cell is what got her. Anyway, I know what you mean about always being sick to your stomach. In the two years that Mom battled cancer, there was always this nagging feeling in the background. Whenever I was happy, I would remember what was going on with Mom. I remained hopeful to the end, even after they gave her six months. Unfortunately, they were wrong again, and we lost my mom five months before we expected. I'm not telling you this to give you something more to worry about. I simply want you to realize how important it is to make the most of every moment you have with your mom. My mom was on a trip back from a treatment center in Arizona when she took a turn for the worst. We never really got to say good-bye. It was such a shock when we took her to the doctor and were told she had only a few days. By that time, she really couldn't communicate too well. I come from a family of five children, so it has helped to have others who understand exactly what I'm feeling. I can't imagine going through this on my own. I would encourage you to find some sort of support group. Only someone who is in a similar situation can understand what you're feeling. I've been bothered by comments made by people who really don't know what I'm going through. They try, but they just can't understand. I would tell you to let your parents know what you're feeling. I think it will help your mom know how much you love her. Just be with her and try to enjoy every moment you have with her. Take lots of pictures and videos. You might even want to record her voice. I still have a few messages on my machine from Mom, and I listen to them when I just need to hear her voice. Please tell me your mom's name, and I will pray for a miracle for her. I hope this helps. It helps me a little just to "talk" to someone else who knows what it's like. Please keep in touch if you'd like. Dannielle Steve S. Tue, 31 Aug 2004 00:00:00 GMT Hi Vinnie: I am very sorry about your Dad. My Mom was diagnosed with Gallbladder cancer in June. They removed her gallbladder and found cancer in the liver and her bile ducts. The doctor had to put stents in her liver to help drain the bile. She has been in and out of the hospital since June. They tried chemo for a while, but, last month she had a stroke, which left her with poor speech, she has a hard time walking, and slight paralysis in her right side. It is very sad for my family they gave my mother 1 to 2 months left in September. She is home now, we called in Hospice, they are wonderful. But they are only there 4 hours a day. We all take turns staying with her the remainder of the time. My Mom was so active. She is 75 years old and was never sick, and had no signs before this. It is just so hard to deal with all of this, and try to act normal at work. I think my family really needs to speak with someone. Thanks for sharing. Carol Carolann Tue, 02 Nov 2004 00:00:00 GMT