CancerCompass message board discussion started by Nancy M. on 5/16/2002 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,442,0.htm Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ My 85 yr old grandmother has just been told she has non-small cell stage 3 cancer in the lung. The tumor is approximately 5 cm in size and has metastasized in her brain. We are opting out of treatment for her due to her age and to give her the best quality of life we can offer. We will be looking into getting her into hospice care where she can remain at home. I would like to hear from anyone in the same situation and anyone with any suggestions as to how to make her remaining time here the best we can. Thanks! Nancy M. Thu, 16 May 2002 00:00:00 GMT Dear Nancy: For some years I have had a small home ministry reaching out to ill, dying, hurting, discouraged and depressed people. Many of whom have now passed away. My first advice is to listen. We are sometimes so anxious around sick people that we just jabber on thinking that this is what they want and that it will take their mind off things - and this is good to a point; but we need to listen. Let them tell you about things they remember, things that brought them joy, let them talk about their fears (but not to the point of detriment) - phone calls are nice and quick and can serve as a wonderful boost to one's day - but talking too much and feeling the sresss of having to tell the same story over and over can be exhausting and pointless. Have all her friends and family send cards, letters, funny jokes, essays, words to poems and songs. If she like music, play her favorites. Encourage frequent visits from her clergy in case she has spiritual questions to ask. Make her surroundings as pleasant as possible - no airing the dirty laundry in her presence. One who has lived 85 years has already had her share of this. Treat her normally in the day to day - don't tip toe around and be sad - but bring as much light - both sunlight and spiriutal light into her room as possible. If she is able, help her to do a project - something small and untiring - go through old pictures she might have and get the names written on the backs of the ones in the picture. Arrange them in an album if she wishes. Don't take on busy work that just depletes her energy or reserves. If she is able to be out and about - take her places that she wants to see once again. Before my grandmother passed away, she so wanted to go back to the county in which she was born - but alas, she did not get to go and I still sometimes feel sad that someone did not take her. Protect her from other harms that would cause her anxiety; but don't protect her from the family and the daily routine. Make her feel as though she is still a vital part of the family. Go to her for advice and ask questions so that she can share her wisdom with you. If she wants to talk about final arrangements - don't put her off - she has a need to be a part of this if she discusses; but don't force these types of decisions on her. Most of all within reason; make sure that she has visits from those who love her and have them tell her why they appreicate her. Have an appreication day - or grandmother's day - if she is able to receive famiy and have them prepare a home made card or letter telling her just how much she has meant to them in their lives. Help her to realize that her life was worth living and that the world is a better place because she is in it. Honor her for her accomplishments. You are wise about the treatment situation and you are a loving granddaughter who cares about her final days. God Bless You All. Pat P. Sat, 24 Aug 2002 00:00:00 GMT  On 5/16/2002 Nancy M. wrote:My 85 yr old grandmother has just been told she has non-small cell stage 3 cancer in the lung. The tumor is approximately 5 cm in size and has metastasized in her brain. We are opting out of treatment for her due to her age and to give her the best quality of life we can offer. We will be looking into getting her into hospice care where she can remain at home. I would like to hear from anyone in the same situation and anyone with any suggestions as to how to make her remaining time here the best we can. Thanks! My name is Kaye and I am taking care of my husbad during his final days or weeks. it hard, but meaningful. we have been married for 26 yrs and he so youn. he has Mylodisplasia luekima syndrum. we are also in homehealth care called Odyssey, it is branch off of Hospice. for the dying. I do most of the caring for hime. i took a leave of absents from work to be with him. the kids help when they can. they have their own families and live out of town. it is hard but you learn so much from her and what you do for her. but hospice is a  great help if you can not do it yourself. please call them wherever you are and they will help u. I am so sorry for your grandmothers illness. my prayers are for you and your grandmother and your family. write me back soon Peifferbackkaye Fri, 19 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT