CancerCompass message board discussion started by Julie h. on 5/16/2006 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,5354,0.htm Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ My father has been battling cancer for several years now. He was diagnosed with melanoma. The cancer has spread through his entire body. He has been in the hospital several times. Last week he went in again.He was in critical condition. He was non responsive and his kidneys began to shut down. The doctors said there is nothing else they can do. He is still holding on but I don't know why. It does not look like my dad. He is 73 years old, and as much as it hurts to say I feel he would be better off if he passed. My mom is having a difficult time with this. I never thought the day would come when I would see my mother cry as much as she has been. They have been married 55 years. How much time does he have? Are we ready to face what we have not faced? Advice please. They sent him home yesterday where hospice will help take care of him. He said he wanted to go home. He was not dying in the hospital. They set him up in the living room where he can lay in his bed and watch the cars go by. It hurts to see my dad this way. He use to hunt,be fairly active, now he can do none of that. When my family found out he was dying they took his guns out of the house. He is so medicated with morphine he does not know who he is talking to most of the time. I want his suffering to end. I also do not like the fact that my family has been given instructions on how to administer his medicine. There are so many different feelings between my family. The fighting and bickering needs to stop. They can't agree on anything. Most of them don't even speak to each other. My dad does not need to be around that. Not only do I really hurt for my mom, but my brother as well. He is the only son in the family and has lived with them forever other than when he was married. He moved back home afterwards. He is taking this really hard. When he passes I hope he goes to heaven. Someone please give me advice. Julie h. Tue, 16 May 2006 00:00:00 GMT Hi Julie H. I just read your message. First let me tell you my dad passed away August of 05' from kidney failure(vein collapsed). When they sent him home from dialysis center my mom had a decision to make. Put a port in his shoulder or let him go. He was 85, hallucinating, and barely weighed 100 lbs. Of course my brothers and I said put port in shoulder, how will you live w/o him. My mom decided not to put any more needles in him. Hospice came in and gave us morphine to give him. He stopped eating and then stopped with the water. He laid in bed, starting to smell. We knew it was time but he just wouldn't go. So my older brother said he would give him the morphine. Went thru 1 bottle then almost another and still he was breathing. He passed 10 days after he stopped drinking. But we were told that if there is no moisture in his mouth the morphine will not soak in. So we took a q-tip and tried that to no avail. So after a few days we stopped w/the morphine and he went on his own. But now my father-in-law, who is 73, is in his living room in Florida in a hosp. bed looking out into the backyard, paralyzed except for his left arm. A melanoma wrapped around his spinal cord 3/12/06 and he has not moved since. Has been on Temador, had radiation, on steroids, wears diaper, cathada, double vision, low blood pressure, blisters all over hands, head tilts to the left, has no body muscle control so cannot sit up and we are helpless. Does eat and brain still sharp. My husband and his sister take turns going to Florida, since we both live in NY. My husband and sister in law cried for the first 5 days. They could not believe their 6'3" dad, who golfed everyday, and was avid stock market watcher, went out to dinner every night, was in this condition. He seems to be going down hill.He is losing his appetite and does not want to drink that much so his platelet level goes down and that's why they can't draw blood. My mother in law is in shock but she still must be the responsible person for my father in law. She has 2 12 hr aides in the house. They bath him, change him, excercise with him. She does the billing, gets gas in her car for the first time in her life, puts out the garbage and at this age. She lost 35 lbs. She's 72 also. Life is so unfair. My sister in law and husband have been at each others throats but after 1 month of fighting deciding on what was better for their dad, they now give the advice to their mom and let her decide what should be done. The dr's. say if the melanoma is not operated on and taken out he will die. They claim it's too big to remove so they did radiation and we have to wait till next MRI to see if shrunk at all. His 1st MRI after the radiation showed some shrinkage but 2 new lesions in the brain. But he cannot sit for the 5 1/2 radiation treatment so that's out. He is not getting any feeling back in his legs or right arm and all his muscles are gone. Just bone and flesh. The oncologist visits him every 3 wks. Not much new to say. So I guess we're in the same situation as you and know what you are going thru, but each family is different and especially when it comes to your mom and dad. They say patients hearing is the last thing to go, so we have to whisper in front of my f-i-l. He does hear everything we say and fighting surely will not benefit anyone. My heart goes out to you and your family and all that are in this position. Take care of yourself and be strong for your mom. Nancy Nancylynn Fri, 19 May 2006 00:00:00 GMT