CancerCompass message board discussion started by Sarah06 on 6/11/2006 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,5620,0.htm Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I am 18 years old, and a close family friend has brain cancer. She is like a second mom to me, and my family has known her forever. Both her and my own mother are single moms, and have been great friends over the years. Hospice isn't certain how much time we have left with her. They have said it may be anywhere from a couple days up to maybe a month. At this stage of her cancer, no more treatment is being given. She is also suffering from bone cancer, and getting that pain under control is sometimes near impossible. Just as everyone who is watching her suffer with this, she also very angry, which is obviously a normal response. We are all angry that SHE had to have it. There are plenty of criminals in this world that have committed murder and other various horrific crimes, and they don't have cancer. We all know that life isn't fair. In addition to the anger that comes with the frustration towards the situation, her personality has been greatly changed. People that she has loved for years, including her own family, she is now getting so angry with (for no reason). (Hospice has told us that they are very frustrated with her stubborness and anger, as well). Honestly, the only people on the earth that she is not furious with at this time is her kids. There are people that she's been best friends with for years, and was best friends with a week ago that she now does not even want to speak to. (This includes 99% of the Hospice employees.) Please help. I'm sure (as Hospice has told us can happen) the cancer has caused this huge change. is there anybody out there that has experienced anything similar? (Sorry for any typos... in the past 48 hours i've had two hours of sleep, from 1am - 3am one morning, because we got a call that she had to be rushed to the ER because they weren't able to control her pain.) Prayers are much appreciated. God's blessings be with you and your loved ones! Sarah Sarah06 Sun, 11 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT Hi, Sarah, I am so, so sorry that you are going through this--it is a very difficult process. I was a Hospice volunteer for many years and lost my father last year after his two-and-a-half year battle with a brain tumor. I'm surprised that Hospice has expressed such frustration with your friend's anger. All of the Hospice people I've known (including myself) had a great deal of training to deal with just that. It is so understandable to be so angry--being as scared as I'm sure she is can very easily produce that kind of reaction--I can only imagine the fear that she lives with and must deal with every single moment of every single day. We had Hospice the last couple of months of Dad's life and they made a huge difference. I've been a volunteer with patients with bone cancer and, you're right, the pain is nearly intolerable. However, Hospice should be able to get it under control with morphine. Your friend will probably require so much that she will rarely be conscious, which she may not want at this point--it is a horrible decision to have to make. Dad was very angry too--as was I. We just dealt with it the best we could--we would ask him what he was actually mad about, ask him if he was in pain--told him that I was there and loved him so much and would do anything to make him comfortable. We told funny stories about our lives together, made his favorite foods, drank his favorite wine (which the doctors frowned upon but at that point does it really make a difference if it made him happy?), watched silly television shows and movies, did a gazillion crossword puzzles together, played cards for hours and hours on end--I brought my friends over for "parties," asked his friends to visit, had people from his church come to visit every week. The important thing was just spending time together. Some things that always seemed to help were rubbing his feet (my Hospice patients always liked that too), and even if we were just being quiet together for hours I always made sure that I would touch him in some way--hold his hand, hold his forearm, have my feet touching his. He used to ask me, "Have you got hold of me?" and I always told him, "Sweetie, I've got you and I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you, I promise." It always reassured him and calmed him down. I always made sure to be in physical contact with him even if I was reading, napping, whatever--it made him feel better to be in contact with someone healthy and alive. I sat on the arm of his chair, made him move over and make room for me in the hospital bed, propped my feet on his hospital bed from the chair that I would place next to it... I hope this helps at least a bit--hang in there and know that you and your loved ones are in my thoughts and my prayers. Lizvj Sun, 11 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT Thanks so much for your response. I know that many (too many) other people are in or have been in the same position that I am in. I appreciate your words of encouragement and advice. I took her youngest son (who is going to be in 9th grade next year) out to rent some movies last night to take to watch with her today. They've got at least 10 hours of comedies to watch together! As you mentioned, the morphine does make her sleep most of the time, but she does like to have her children there, even if she's not awake. What an amazing person it takes to volunteer at Hospice. I admire your strength through such difficult times. Thanks for the prayers! Sarah Sarah06 Sun, 11 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT I know how you feel. When I was in high school my best friend's dad was diagnosed with brain cancer. When I was a freshman in college my boyfriend lost his dad to brain cancer. Then the year after I graduated from college I was diagnosed with brain cancer. The best thing you can do right now is be there for your friend. Give her a hug, hold her hand, or give her something to throw at the wall in frustration. I agree with you that life isn't fair when it comes to this disease. I didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, and was just an all around good kid, yet I've had to deal with this since I was 23. I'm sure much of the anger she is expressing is because of the cancer but it can also be largely attributed to the medication she is on. Many of these medications can make you very irrateable. I'm sure she's probably on some steroids and they can make you very moody. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care of yourself and your friends. God Bless. Brainy_chick Sun, 11 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT