CancerCompass message board discussion started by Rachel G. on 8/21/2002 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,594,0.htm Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I have never been here or to anywhere like it before but I am really hoping that someone may be able to offer any support or advice at all as I am so unsure of what to do anymore. My best friend's mother was diagnosed with severe cancer almost 18 months ago now. It had spread to many areas of her body and ever since she has been incredibly sick and not really responding to treatment, about a week ago she was given 6 months to live. What I need help on is how to help my best friend. She has always been there for me and it is killing me to see the way she is dealing with this. It's only been the past month or so that she has actually acknowledged that it is happening-up until then she was in denial and was almost angry at her mother for being so sick. Now she admits that she is sad, which is something that gives me at least a little bit of comfort, but she still isn't allowing herself to really deal with it, she still pretends it isn't happening. To this day, none of our friends have ever seen her cry about it and if you ask how her mum is going she will almost always reply, she's okay, without any elaboration on how she is actually doing. What makes it harder for me to help her with is the fact that she is adopted and as she told me one night when she was really drunk, she feels as if this is the second mother she is losing. I just don't know what to do. I can accept that we all deal with things in our own way so I don't push her to talk to me about it if she doesn't want to. But I know that one day she will have to deal with this, and even though she is an incredibly strong person, I worry that she may not be able to deal with all the emotions she has suppressed for so long. Please help me with any advice; it hurts me so much to watch her in so much pain. Rachel G. Wed, 21 Aug 2002 00:00:00 GMT Just be there for support. Cancer is very much like a grieving process. It takes time and usually the most needed support is when the cancer has resolved into a final solution. So just hang in there and care... Dan Dan C. Thu, 22 Aug 2002 00:00:00 GMT Dear Rachel, I'm not a doctor. But you just coming in here to get answers is a great thing you are doing for your friend. Please try to remember God will not give us more than we can bear. You at this time is a wonderful gift to your friend. I will always keep all three of you in my prayers. God will place the angels. Pamela H. Mon, 16 Dec 2002 00:00:00 GMT If all else fails seek alternate treatments. If that fails be there and listen when she wants to talk. My loss was 2 weeks ago today and I want to talk about him. Also get active in ways to change the system of how cancer is treated and support research in any way you can. That is what I have already started doing. It doesn't make up for the loss of someone you love but it gives something positive to focus on. Lillian D. Mon, 16 Dec 2002 00:00:00 GMT