CancerCompass message board discussion started by Cameron Nicole on 1/6/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,8650,0.htm Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hi,My name is Dana. My mom just passed 7 weeks ago from cancer. It started in her lungs and continued thru her body-when it finally entered her brain she was gone 2 weeks later. My entire family and I were with her9including my 5 year old and my 2 month old. I know it is for the best for her-she put up a good fight, and she never once complained). I am 38 and I am very angry right now. Is this normal? Cameron Nicole Sat, 06 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Cameron and it is so normal i cant even explain. Depending on how old she was and how long she had the cancer all play into how you feel. Losing someone, especailly your mother is always difficult. I have lost a mother and a sister to cancer and now i work to help others that are battling cancer. It has truly becoming a pendemic in our society yet most people think it is normal. Then you throw in 3 basic treatments that have not changed: chemo, radiation or surgery and you are left feeling very disapointed and sad for so many. Losing someone is a process and an inevitable part of life that can make you richer for the experience to show how valuable life really is. The most important thing we have in this life is our health and our loved ones, everything else can be replaced. But when someone is gone their is nothing we can do to get them back, what we can do is carry them in our hearts and remember and honor them and be the best we can be for those still with us. I hope this helps in some way. Keep up your spirits and good luck.regards alOn 1/6/2007 Cameron Nicole wrote:Hi,My name is Dana. My mom just passed 7 weeks ago from cancer. It started in her lungs and continued thru her body-when it finally entered her brain she was gone 2 weeks later. My entire family and I were with her9including my 5 year old and my 2 month old. I know it is for the best for her-she put up a good fight, and she never once complained). I am 38 and I am very angry right now. Is this normal?  Allen s. Sat, 06 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Dana-I'm so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are 100% valid! You have every right to be angry, sad, frustrated, and you're even allowed to question God and His ways. (I don't know if you are or arent a believer, but regardless, I know what you're going through because MY mother has brain cancer and I say "this isn't fair" all the time)It's funny, you know, when you get to the point where you stop fighting with yourself and sort of "accept" this crap. Also, you get to a point where you start praying for STRENGTH as opposed to praying for the patient to be saved.I hope I"m not coming across like I"m preaching to you, because I'm not. I'm not a very religious person (I guess I'm more spiritual), I just think that when stuff like this happens, EVERYONE questions.You're right! It's not fair that this had to happen, but what I found works for me is the belief that we're all a part of something greater. That we DONT and will NEVER know what lies ahead until we get there. Furthermore, someone once told me that this life- this one that we live every day is the hard one and that when the body dies the soul goes on to an amazing place where it roams happily free from worry, pain, and certainly disease. My friend told me: "hey, if we KNEW what was waiting for us on the Other Side, we'd all be jumping off the plank to get there quicker" I hope this helps you a bit. Your feelings are 100000000% 'normal'. I'm sorry for you pain and send hugs your way and to the ways of your loved one! Revi (24 year old; mother-49-has brain cancer)  Revibug Sat, 06 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT HiMy dad passed away 3 weeks ago he was diagnosed with bladder and liver cancer in august 2006. I am like you my dad was only 49 i am 26. At the same time my dad was diagnosed i found out i'm expecting my first child so my dad never gave me full details of his illness 2 start with. He never complained about it and i am very proud of him.I am also very angry that he has been taken away from us when he was so young and i think it is perfectly normal for you 2 be angry. warm regards Banana125 Sun, 07 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Dana, my name is Letty, my mom passed away jul06 to pancreatic cancer. I took her life in 6months and spread like wildfire. Angry YES, your anger is just one of the feelings you will have. I've been depressed with myself, with life, I've been angry and I don't know if with cancer, with death, maybe with my mom for not taking better care, I don't know, sometimes even angry at myself. Either way yes it very normal. The only way I can handle my pain is by crying and talking to others who have lost their moms. I feel your pain, and agony and even though people say "oh it gets better with time" well is easier said than done. For me I still wake up every morning and miss my mom more than ever.   Letty Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT Revi,Thanks for the reply. I am so truly sorry your mom has cancer(I guess that is the most heartfelt reply I can offer you). Just as you know we are given words od strenghth and advice every day from people dealing with cancer or not. I am like you-I can't call myself very religious-yet I believe from the bottom of my heart. My Dad is a Babtist minister-and I can tell you first hand-I think he even questions his belief right now.Please keep in touch.Dana Cameron Nicole Tue, 09 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT HI Dana, first I would like to say, my heart goes out to you and your family, for your loss, there are no words that can express what you are feeling right now. but as I read down, I saw where you said your dad was a preacher, if it is any consolation, to you, you know where your mother is now, walking the streets of Gold, I too have cancer, a very rare form, Waldenstroms, but my faith has gotten me through all of this, if it weren't for God, I don't know where I would be today, also my husband is a prostate cancer survivor and my daughter a thyroid cancer survivor, so this is our third round of cancer in my immediate family. I think anger is normal, when they first dx'd me, I was angry, and when my husband and daughter were dx'd I was angry and asked why? We will never know the answers this side of heaven, Oh how I wish we would, but one day we will, we have a gal on our prayer board, that lost her mother, grandmother and aunt all within 4 months of each other, she too, was very close to her mother, she was an only child, but God has seen her through it all, I pray, somehow my reply is some comfort to you, please know I will be keeping you in my prayers, if you would like to talk, please visit our prayer board, it is www.allin1accord.com,  we have a wonderful support group there, they have seen me through some pretty rough times, God be with you Dana, I pray you find peace and comfort, as only he can give you! Love and prayers, Pat Pat46350 Sun, 18 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT Pat,First of all-thank you very much for your kind words. I have read your message to me 4 times, before I was able to respond to you. I am truly ashamed to be complaining of my problems-after hearing of what you, your husband and daughter are dealing with. I am not even sure how to respond to you properly, without sounding like an idiot. You are one strong, loving and completely unselfish person to have sent me the message that you did. Thank you,Dana Cameron Nicole Mon, 19 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT HI Dana, sweetie, you don't have to thank me, thats what we are all here for, and don't feel ashamed either,  I am doing great! You weren't complaining at all, you were just expressing your feelings,which is natural, You needed someone to talk to, we all do, when something happens that hurts us, it is good to vent to others, beleive me we do a lot of that on our prayer board!  And it helps so much. The one scripture I have held on to, through all of this, is Isaiah 41:13, For I am the Lord your God, who holds your right hand, and tells you not to fear, Do I have my bad days? Yep, sure do! But I am so thankful, my husband and daughter are both cancer free today, To God be the glory for that!  We all handle things differently, whether it be fear, anger, or whatever. The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, I can't count them all, I have 7 beautiful grandchildren, that I enjoy so much. Am I afraid? Yes, there are days I am, but I have my faith to fall back on, and that helps so very much,  The one thing I wanted to tell you, is never lose your faith, one day, you and your mother will be together again, I know right now it is hard, for you to even think that far ahead,but  that is the hope we have. My prayer is one day, they will find a cure for cancer, and that no one will have to go through all of this again! If there is one thing I can encourage you with, is that the bible says, to be absent from the body, is to be present with the Lord, right now, your mother is with the Lord, and cancer free and pain free, will you ever forget her or stop missing her? No, her memory will live on through you, and no one can take that from you, I too lost my mother to cancer, many years ago, but her memory is always with me, I pray this has been some help to you, Dana, and please don't think I am judging you, believe me, I am not, when we lose someone we love so very much, it is very difficult, and hard to deal with, I really pray you find peace, in your heart, please know, my prayers are with you and your father, love and blessings to you both, Pat Pat46350 Mon, 19 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT