CancerCompass message board discussion started by Angry&lost on 1/8/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,8689,0.htm Sat, 06 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT Sat, 06 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Hi im new to these boards and was looking for some advice.  A close family member was diagnosed  with GBM 4 and we were told it was inoperable but they would offer Radiotherapy, the treatment is now over and no further treatment is being offered, We as a family accepted from the start that we were going to lose her and i thought i was handling it all very well with the occassion down day form time to time which i realise is perfectly normal.  My problem is that i seem to get very angry and irate at the slightest issue and sometimes feel that my spouse and children just dont understand what i am going through and will never understand the sense of loss i feel.  Is it perfectly usual for family that r losing someone to be as moody and aggressive as i am?  I seem to find fault in everythign that everyone does, to the kids being particularly loud to feeling that my spouse doesnt understand so i get angry about that, i even get het up and irate when queuing in a shop and the assistant is taking too long to serve.  Am i just being over sensitive?Any advice on how to curb my temper will be much appreciated.  I feel so angry and hurt that something like this has happened to our family, why us? why not someone else..... I so hope that i am not alone in feeling this way  Angry&lost Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 1/8/2007 Angry&lost wrote:Hi im new to these boards and was looking for some advice.  A close family member was diagnosed  with GBM 4 and we were told it was inoperable but they would offer Radiotherapy, the treatment is now over and no further treatment is being offered, We as a family accepted from the start that we were going to lose her and i thought i was handling it all very well with the occassion down day form time to time which i realise is perfectly normal.  My problem is that i seem to get very angry and irate at the slightest issue and sometimes feel that my spouse and children just dont understand what i am going through and will never understand the sense of loss i feel.  Is it perfectly usual for family that r losing someone to be as moody and aggressive as i am?  I seem to find fault in everythign that everyone does, to the kids being particularly loud to feeling that my spouse doesnt understand so i get angry about that, i even get het up and irate when queuing in a shop and the assistant is taking too long to serve.  Am i just being over sensitive?Any advice on how to curb my temper will be much appreciated.  I feel so angry and hurt that something like this has happened to our family, why us? why not someone else..... I so hope that i am not alone in feeling this way I can understand your feelings.  You want to do something but you feel at a loss.My brother in law is in the hospital with angiosarcoma. I can't seem to find anyone who has experienced this type of cancer. Research looks bleak and other resources aren't very encouraging..My sister is a basket case and even as sick as my brother in law is he suggeasted she see her doctor to get some help.  Also, is ther someone you can talk to? Cindy01 Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT I can understand your feelings.  My brother in law is in the hospital with angiosarcoma. No one can tell us much of anything. I can't seem to find anyone with this type of cancer. Also, research looks bleak. My sister is a basket case.  Even her husband,as sick as he is, suggested she see her doctor to get help. I think it is normal to ask the "why me" quetions.  We all feel like we've been punched in the stomache.  Do you have a friend or someone you can really talk to? Please keep in touch. Cindy01 Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT My message din't go thru at first. Sorry about sending it twice. Cindy01 Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT It is NOT just you!  I've suffered a number of losses over the past 3 years.  My mother was the most recent.  Last December, six months after her death, my brother was diagnosed with astrocytoma 3.  But, thank God, he's still with us! I'm just now processing all of this.  When I look back on the past year, I'm gasp, and terrorized and horrified at some of the things we endured together.I've discovered that when one is in crisis, one just does what needs to be done - whether that's to take loved ones for treatment, to provide the care, do chores, pray, or to just visit and comfort.   But when we are doing those things, most of ther other day-to-day interactions and happenings take on an insignificance and become trivial to the point of annoyance.  We lose our perspective on life, because we've been emotionally assaulted with such a huge challenge.  These challenges take all of your emotional resources - and there's very little to none left for anything else. My brother, (the one with the brain cancer) really made me realize this.  Although he desparately wanted us with him, he could barely stand to be in our company and listen to conversation about "normal" things.  He continues to have treatment and is considered to be in remission - but this impatience, intolerance still plagues him - and us, to a lesser extent. Apologize to your husband and children, but explain to them that you need to lean on them and count on them to understand that your anger is not directed at them, but this is the best you can do right now.  I don't think you can expect them to fully understand, because they are not you!  But they can wrap their arms around you and I think sometimes we have to ask for that to happen.I'm, personally VERY bad at this - I expect them to know what I need.  That's just not realistic though!  I'm not a shrink - just an observer. Please know that you're not alone and that - although it's little to no comfort, - know that your reactions are "normal."  It's coping with them that is the rub!!!Will keep you and all in this family in my thoughts and prayers.Stay in touch through this great site!   Bertyg Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT Thx for your kind words.  I know my husband does feel for what i am going through to a certain extent and i have tried to explain that its not me personally having a go at him, its just right now im angry at the world for taking someone that i love so much away from me, i wonder how i will cope once we lose her.  i know deep down that we lost her at first diagnosis as she was in quite a bad way when it was diagnosed and i feel that although i have my husband and the rest of my family for support that me telling them how i feel just puts more pressure on them to have to listen to my fears and worries.  One thing i am glad about ts that at this time she seems to not be in any pain, although she cant really communicate too well with us either.  I hate to see her waste away before our eyes with nothing we can do to help her.  what is to be expected from here on in?  Will she suffer at all? how much more can she deteriorate?  we were told 6-12 months with treatment and its been almost 9 months since diagnosis and i dont like to look up too much information on the web becos of being afraid of reading horror stories. Angry&lost Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi, My name is Shawna and for the last 3 years I have watched my husband battle 2 different forms of cancer with no remission, things have never really looked good for him and at first I was bitter, but at some point there is a moment when you will realize that you have a choice: to be bitter or better? that is the question. Now, that sounds really easy, and yet it is not. It is only after you go through the grieving process ( which by the way includes anger) can you begin to process what is going on. I wish I could say to you that this phase will only last for a brief moment, but i cant. It is different for everyone. You need to understand that you are going through the grieving process, and your husband needs to understand that to, as for your kids just love on them, they are scared to and you are going to be the one that they turn to for answers, apologize to them and tell them that this is what fear can do to you when you let it control you. Which brings me to another point you are scared to death for your loved one, and this fear comes from loss of control , the unknown, and let me just say that this is scarry, but there is a point when yo have to let go and let God, and that just sounds awful, but there is truth in it. we have te realize that there are things that we do not control, and then we have to try and find purpose, again I wish I could say that this will pass in 24 hours, but I cant. Here is the thing about cancer it is personal, not just for the patient but for the family as well, everyone will handle this differently in their own time and way just remember to love one another and choose better not bitter. I am praying for you Shawna Wepayhopkins Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT Im so sorry to hear of your husband Shawna, i hope that u will eventually get some good news and he will be in remission.  The last few days since taking some advice have been a little easier although i still feel angry, i spoke to my brother and he said some very useful things and its these things i have been holding onto instead of thinking in the negative all the time.  i know my mum wouldnt want me to be angry and miserable and i know that she would give me a telling off if she could for being the way i have been.  we have always been very close and i could go to her with any problem and she would do her best to help me solve it, shes always been like a best friend and we could tell each other anything and now i know we will never have that again, hence me feeling bitter and angry i suppose.  I will continue to read and post on these boards as reading other peoples experiences and advice seems to help and ease the pain a little, hopefully one day i can give advice to someone and feel as though i have repaid the favour ;-)I will live in hope for each and everyone of u xx  Angry&lost Thu, 11 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT