CancerCompass message board discussion started by Sweetsteffers04 on 2/28/2007 http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,9975,0.htm Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ I don't mean to offend anyone here, but i just wanted to share my point of view.  I feel like ever since my boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer that god had in no way helped me through this.  I have prayed and prayed for god to save russell's life.  He is only 21 years old and he was still a child when he was diagnosed.  He still is a child.  He doesn't deserve to die this young.Ever since russell's diagnose, i feel myself losing more and more faith in god.  I now believe that there is no god because he put such a innocent soul through such a hard battle.It is so hard for me to see him be so scard, i want so badly to help him through this.  I don't want him to be scard.  Sweetsteffers04 Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 2/28/2007 Sweetsteffers04 wrote:I don't mean to offend anyone here, but i just wanted to share my point of view.  I feel like ever since my boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer that god had in no way helped me through this.  I have prayed and prayed for god to save russell's life.  He is only 21 years old and he was still a child when he was diagnosed.  He still is a child.  He doesn't deserve to die this young.Ever since russell's diagnose, i feel myself losing more and more faith in god.  I now believe that there is no god because he put such a innocent soul through such a hard battle.It is so hard for me to see him be so scard, i want so badly to help him through this.  I don't want him to be scard.  Dear sweet:I am a cancer survivor.  Like you, had a really hard time with the whole God thing.  I was angry, scared and not really believing in him.  I have a really great family that helped me through my journey with cancer.  I totally understand how you feel and that you feel completely helpless right now.  I would not have made it through this without my kids and my mother and my very best friends.  If God had his hand in this than I am thankful.  I don't know what the outcome will be for your boyfriend.  I can tell just by how you talk that you love him very very much.  All you can do at this point is let him know that you are here for him and that you love him very much.  There is nothing in life like the suffering of cancer and the pain and misery that comes with it.  Be there for him and know that it is okay for you to be scared.  Love him as much as you can and give him strength for his journey, whatever it may be.Thinking of you in this time of desperation....Wendy Wendymoo Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT I am a cancer patient with a pretty grim prognosis from Stage 4 colorectal cancer. I am 50. I have a wife and a 12 year old son and 15 yr old daughter.I believe in God as I am a Deist. However I don't find strength in prayer. I find strength in people. My friends and family have helped me more than any prayer. I have found peace of mind by talking with other cancer patients, doctors and nurses. How incredibly cruel that a 21 year old young man with his whole life ahead of him and a loving person like you in his life has to go through this s**t. The best you can do is stay positive, don't give up hope and support him in every way. For yourself, find others in similar situations and communicate. Talking about it somehow is a pressure valve that makes it more tolerable. All of us are affected by this and we will be forever changed from the experience. There are few positives but there are some. We will be more empathetic. We'll learn a lot about ourselves. We will have completely different perspectives on so much of life like illness, healthcare, pain, God, hope, death etc. etc etc.. Best of luck and hang in there. Chicagomike Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 2/28/2007 Chicagomike wrote:I am a cancer patient with a pretty grim prognosis from Stage 4 colorectal cancer. I am 50. I have a wife and a 12 year old son and 15 yr old daughter.I believe in God as I am a Deist. However I don't find strength in prayer. I find strength in people. My friends and family have helped me more than any prayer. I have found peace of mind by talking with other cancer patients, doctors and nurses. How incredibly cruel that a 21 year old young man with his whole life ahead of him and a loving person like you in his life has to go through this s**t. The best you can do is stay positive, don't give up hope and support him in every way. For yourself, find others in similar situations and communicate. Talking about it somehow is a pressure valve that makes it more tolerable. All of us are affected by this and we will be forever changed from the experience. There are few positives but there are some. We will be more empathetic. We'll learn a lot about ourselves. We will have completely different perspectives on so much of life like illness, healthcare, pain, God, hope, death etc. etc etc.. Best of luck and hang in there.Dear Chicago,I could not have said it any better.  You certainly find out who your friends are and who your life support will be.  I myself am a four year survivior of what they say is a terminal cancer.  Our lives most definately will be changed forever, I know mine has.  My greatest comfort has been in the wisdom of other cancer patients and survivors.  Sometimes, that is all we have.  Take care....Wendy Wendymoo Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Sweet, I saw your post and just had to respond to you. I am so sorry that you and your boyfriend are going through so much pain. My mother recently died of a Grade IV brain tumor, and she and I often discussed the spiritual part of dealing with the disease and life and death in general. One thing that she told me, that she had taught me her entire life, is that it is so very important that each of us know what we believe, so that when tragedy strikes, our faith is in tact, and we don't begin to question our beliefs at our most vulnerable time in life. Sweet, God doesn't cure cancer....it has other causes. Some we know, and some we do not know. And, in the same respect, God isn't going to pick and choose who He cures of cancer. If He were going to intervene to prevent our pain and suffering here on earth, then surely, He would have intervened and save His only son from being murdered on the cross. There is a book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, that is very good, that you may want to read. I read it and it gave comfort to me. I think the most important thing for you to remember is that God hurts WITH you. He doesn't come down and make everything okay by taking away the suffering or the hardship, but HE helps you to deal with these things that happen in life, by being faithful to you and by being your comfort. Prayer is a comfort to you. It is communicating with God. Praying that something will turn out a certain way, doesn't mean that God will wave a magic wand and fix everything. But...God is always there, He loves you, and He walks beside you every step of the way, and in knowing this and feeling this presence, you will gain strength and peace to get through the difficult times in life. If everything were perfect in this world, we would'nt need God. A friend told me once, that the reason these horrible things happen in our lives is because this isn't Heaven. That's a good point. We live in an imperfect world where bad things happen, and sometimes there just is no good reason and it has no meaning. The most important thing is that we give these things meaning by using our experiences to help others who go through similar situations. That's the only meaning we can give to such awful tragedy. Remember Job in the Old Testament? I have always believed that Job is a parable. Some people believe that there really was a Job. But, the most important thing about Job is the message. No matter what happens to us in our lives and no matter how bad it is, we must always be faithful to God, and He will be ever faithful to us in return. It's all in how we handle things in life. That's what makes the difference. I know that it's hard to pray and not ask "why?" Try to pray that God give you peace and strength. Tell Him how you hurt and ask for comfort. And then hopefully, you will receive the "peace that passeth all understanding", which is peace in your heart in spite of not understanding the circumstances. I'm so sorry for you grief and sorrow as your boyfriend travels this journey. How fortunate he is to have someone like you care so much about him. Madeline Ruth Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 2/28/2007 Madeline Ruth wrote:Dear Sweet, I saw your post and just had to respond to you. I am so sorry that you and your boyfriend are going through so much pain. My mother recently died of a Grade IV brain tumor, and she and I often discussed the spiritual part of dealing with the disease and life and death in general. One thing that she told me, that she had taught me her entire life, is that it is so very important that each of us know what we believe, so that when tragedy strikes, our faith is in tact, and we don't begin to question our beliefs at our most vulnerable time in life. Sweet, God doesn't cure cancer....it has other causes. Some we know, and some we do not know. And, in the same respect, God isn't going to pick and choose who He cures of cancer. If He were going to intervene to prevent our pain and suffering here on earth, then surely, He would have intervened and save His only son from being murdered on the cross. There is a book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, that is very good, that you may want to read. I read it and it gave comfort to me. I think the most important thing for you to remember is that God hurts WITH you. He doesn't come down and make everything okay by taking away the suffering or the hardship, but HE helps you to deal with these things that happen in life, by being faithful to you and by being your comfort. Prayer is a comfort to you. It is communicating with God. Praying that something will turn out a certain way, doesn't mean that God will wave a magic wand and fix everything. But...God is always there, He loves you, and He walks beside you every step of the way, and in knowing this and feeling this presence, you will gain strength and peace to get through the difficult times in life. If everything were perfect in this world, we would'nt need God. A friend told me once, that the reason these horrible things happen in our lives is because this isn't Heaven. That's a good point. We live in an imperfect world where bad things happen, and sometimes there just is no good reason and it has no meaning. The most important thing is that we give these things meaning by using our experiences to help others who go through similar situations. That's the only meaning we can give to such awful tragedy. Remember Job in the Old Testament? I have always believed that Job is a parable. Some people believe that there really was a Job. But, the most important thing about Job is the message. No matter what happens to us in our lives and no matter how bad it is, we must always be faithful to God, and He will be ever faithful to us in return. It's all in how we handle things in life. That's what makes the difference. I know that it's hard to pray and not ask "why?" Try to pray that God give you peace and strength. Tell Him how you hurt and ask for comfort. And then hopefully, you will receive the "peace that passeth all understanding", which is peace in your heart in spite of not understanding the circumstances. I'm so sorry for you grief and sorrow as your boyfriend travels this journey. How fortunate he is to have someone like you care so much about him.Dear Madeline...Your message was so poetic.......it made me feel better just reading it.  I have so struggled with God over these past few years but you wrote so beautifully about his love and comfort.  I think that God has given me the people that are in my life for a reason......so in essence, he has given me strength in numbers and I am still here to talk about it.....I am a very lucky woman and hear what you say....and I hope  I hear and understand what God is saying.. God bless you Madeline...  Wendymoo Thu, 01 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Wendy, Thank you for your message. I have watched my grandmother, my mother's mother, who is 86 years old, become very bitter over the last year, and it is so sad. Now, in the last years of her life, she has experienced the loss of her daughter, my mom, and it has been devastating to her. She blames God. She is angry and bitter. I have tried and tried to talk to her about this, and she is allowing bitterness to eat away at her, and now the end of her life is miserable. She has never really been a happy person, and that makes it so much more the sad, because, she doesn't realize what a wonderful relationship that her daughter had with God, and she can't fathom what faith my mom had, and she doesn't grasp the concept that there is nothing better than Heaven for my mom now. So, her grieving is filled with anger toward God and bitterness at what has happened, rather than facing the grief and loss as her own to bear and turning to God for comfort. Her prayers are filled with "whys". She never gets an answer to that. She wants to blame someone, so in her eyes it must be God's fault. My mom's illness and her death were horrible, and heartbreaking, and the anticipation of grief was so much worse than I ever dreamed it could be because of what she went through. And going through it with her was awful, but knowing that her journey was so much worse brings heartache to just remember it. But, that's where I have to remind myself that she wouldn't want to come back now. She didn't want to leave us, and she would talk about not wanting to leave her family and it would make me just sob. I can only imagine how she felt. But I kept thinking about my favorite hymn "I Know Whom I Have Believed In", which is taken from the Timothys, and I remind myself this when I start thinking about how unfair it all is, and I know that there can be nothing better than being in God's presence. It just seems that we all should be able to postpone that meeting until old age, while we are in this life, because life is so good here amongst everyone and everything that we love. Plus Heaven is unknown to us and life on earth is comfortable enough. My dad reminded me during my mother's illness that we ALL will die one day. And we don't all die at the same time. I guess that in my childlike mind, I still sometimes think I will live forever. I thought my parents would for sure. And I'm 44 yrs old!!! My mother's death was a reminder and a wake up call of how fragile life is. To spend our entire lives bitter and angry with God, who is ONLY good, is not what He wants or expects from us. The book I mentioned talks about how we can't have it both ways....God can't be good AND evil. He doesn't play favorites and help some people but let others suffer because He loves us all the same. That's what I have tried to talk to my grandmother about....cancer has so many different causes, but God is not the cause. If He isn't the cause, He isn't the cure. God cures our hearts. He saves us and carries us and He is there for us as our Great Comforter. He helps us to cope. And in doing this, He works through us all. My mom's Sunday School class prepared meals for my parents 5 nights each week for 10 months. My mom would tell me "This is how God works. He touches people's hearts and causes them to have a desire to minister to others." My mom was a testimony to how Christians should handle things in life. We can't understand, but we have to have faith that everything will be okay ultimately. And we can have hope that things will turn out the way we want them to, but ultimately our hope is for Heaven to come. Wendy, I pray for you to have that peace in your journey, and to have God's grace. I recall telling a friend that if I were in my mom's shoes, I would be sobbing all the time and screaming "why me?" and angry, where my mom was so peaceful and accepting of what was happening. My friend said, "No you wouldn't. You don't need God's grace right now, but it would be there for you when you do need it". How wonderful to know this. It's there for all of us. Take care and blessing to you today in your daily journey. Madeline Ruth Thu, 01 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT Hi Welcome,I am a thyroid cancer survivor.  If you are inclined please read my story on this Cancer Compass website "Cancer Again! Now What?"  My heart goes out to you as a caregiver who has lost the faith in God.  May you find peace that he will be there when you are ready.  Like "Footprints", let him carry you and your sorrows.  Give it up and all will be well.  I know as a survivor of cancer the first time around I asked God "Why me?"  I thought God was punishing me for something I might have done.  Until I came to grips that I wasn't going to let this cancer get the best of me I was able to say the word "CANCER".  I was 29 when my life changed.  Some of us treat the word like it's a taboo of some kind. So, now I face cancer again the second time around.  Again, I questioned God "Why me?".   As the saying goes "God only gives you what you can handle.".  The way I look at it God must really love me because he thinks I can handle this again.  My faith in God has kept me on the right track.  My family, friends and this website has kept me strong to survive and fight again.  Please whatever it takes to get you through this then do it.  Talking about it helps to relieve the stress.  I know you feel helpless but believe me you are not.  The best you can do right now is to be there with your support and help him through it.  I know it is unfair but life is unfair.  We can't always get what we want.  Life isn't perfect.  So please, make the best of your time with him the best.  Make memories that you can hold close to your heart.  I know you are angry!!  I too become angry and frustrated that cancer is such an awful disease.  It isn't easy for any of us.  I almost lost my life this second time due to complications so I now have a different outlook on life.  I know you have a hard road ahead of you but please find comfort in knowing that someone else understands your pain. Take Care & God Bless.  Aloha, Paulette      Aloha Wahine Thu, 01 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Sweet,I've been thinking about you and Russel lately.  How are you doing?  Please do not be afraid of this website.  This website is a healthy outlook for people who depend on eachother to get through the day.  I hope you are having better days.  Take Care & God Bless. Aloha, Paulette Aloha Wahine Wed, 07 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT Good things come from God - Bad thnngs, pain, suffering do not - they come from the evil one.  God will give you strength and wisdom when you ask Him.  The cure is His decision and no one knows or understands His decision - but to give Him the honor and glory we ask for His will to be done and the strength to accept His will - He loves us all but we have turned from Him and seek self.  When we seek Him and His will He will give us peace.  I am very sorry about your young friend - I prayed for my son to be healed of a disease and God healed him by taking him home to heaven.  You need to ask your friend if he wants God to be his judge or his Savior - Your friend needs to know about heaven and it's glory and peace and he must be told about God's love for him and how He sacrifed His precious son for us - once your friend understands that God loves him he can be more peaceful.  We do not understand God's ways  we just need to trust His love for us Sandy5 Wed, 07 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT  Dear Sweet, Aloha,  and all who wrote on this question of God, what wonderful answers.  It is about faith. God's heart breaks at our suffering and man has free will and God does no interfere.  I believe we all chose to come here and learn certain lessons.  But as mere mortals it is a lot harder than we ever believed when we were making these plans.I too was given a death sentence but unlike the 21 year old had already lived a full life but did not want to die.  I on the other hand, turned to God for strength and he gave it to me.  There was no hope for me and my friends and family all around the world constantly held me up in prayer.God directed my husband (who did not have these beliefs) to a natural supplement to try as I was litteraly  on my very last with all system failure.  It worked and here I am to speak with you all. God saw fit to let me live and that will seem so unfair to you Sweet.  We are here to learn lessons and some are very bitter but it is how we handle them that makes us strong.  I had tough things happen in my life that enabled me to be the strongest when I needed it. All you other wonderful people who are fighting the fight I ask for God's help for you daily. To those still in active cancer a special blessing of healing, to those like me we still have to be careful every day. So yes this is a wonderful forum for comfort and help.God bless you all and especially Sweet !  Elaine   On 3/7/2007 Aloha Wahine wrote:Dear Sweet,I've been thinking about you and Russel lately.  How are you doing?  Please do not be afraid of this website.  This website is a healthy outlook for people who depend on eachother to get through the day.  I hope you are having better days.  Take Care & God Bless. Aloha, Paulette   Commonsense2265 Wed, 07 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Sweet:You ask the age old questions.....What and who is GOD?  I don't know....I believe in the truth, whatever that is.  Everyone's truth is their own and they must find it themselves. My daughter has an aggressive cancer.  Her prognosis is very bad.  My level of heartbreak and fear is unspeakable.  I want to die with her or before her, not after her.  It's hard for me to imagine any meaning to life without her in it.After much prayer and begging for her life, I have come to the conclusion that I believe in the truth.....whatever that is.  We are all connected somehow in this world and we will all be connected in whatever reality exists after we leave here.  Death is a natural occurence and happens to us all.  We avoid the topic, but the reality is always with us.  I wish I had words that could give you comfort, but I don't.  It is something you have to find within yourself and I have only been able to achieve a very small amount....  I will tell you what thoughts give me some level of comfort...... Death is a reality of life.......Death is not something to fear...but a new beginning in a reality that we can only imagine....Most fear of the unknown turns out to be nothing to fear at all and if we succumb to fear or sadness, we miss out on living. We are not meant to be here merely to survive, but to live and experience as much as possible in our time.  To share experience with those we love and all those that come after. In death we are...... we exist.  I don't know how, when, where or why, but my truth is ......we, our essence, our souls, our whatever, exist on some plane or in some dimension that we cannot now fathom.  But whatever this plane or dimension is, it will be natural.  Many people call this Heaven.  I don't know......as I said, I believe in the truth, whatever that is.Death really has no power over us.  Only what we allow.....Live today.  Be true to yourself and others.  My truth is..you take with you,  in death and in life, your love, your emotions, your character, your wisdom, your strength..... everything that makes you...... you.  And your part of the connection, of which we are all a part, is very important, in death as well as in life.  You see, we have connected.  Your letter touched me and now, I hope, I have touched you.  And we both have touched others and they have touched us.  I leave you with a quote I read somewhere."We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, but spiritual beings on a human journey" Oranjestad Sat, 10 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 2/28/2007 Madeline Ruth wrote:Dear Sweet, I saw your post and just had to respond to you. I am so sorry that you and your boyfriend are going through so much pain. My mother recently died of a Grade IV brain tumor, and she and I often discussed the spiritual part of dealing with the disease and life and death in general. One thing that she told me, that she had taught me her entire life, is that it is so very important that each of us know what we believe, so that when tragedy strikes, our faith is in tact, and we don't begin to question our beliefs at our most vulnerable time in life. Sweet, God doesn't cure cancer....it has other causes. Some we know, and some we do not know. And, in the same respect, God isn't going to pick and choose who He cures of cancer. If He were going to intervene to prevent our pain and suffering here on earth, then surely, He would have intervened and save His only son from being murdered on the cross. There is a book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, that is very good, that you may want to read. I read it and it gave comfort to me. I think the most important thing for you to remember is that God hurts WITH you. He doesn't come down and make everything okay by taking away the suffering or the hardship, but HE helps you to deal with these things that happen in life, by being faithful to you and by being your comfort. Prayer is a comfort to you. It is communicating with God. Praying that something will turn out a certain way, doesn't mean that God will wave a magic wand and fix everything. But...God is always there, He loves you, and He walks beside you every step of the way, and in knowing this and feeling this presence, you will gain strength and peace to get through the difficult times in life. If everything were perfect in this world, we would'nt need God. A friend told me once, that the reason these horrible things happen in our lives is because this isn't Heaven. That's a good point. We live in an imperfect world where bad things happen, and sometimes there just is no good reason and it has no meaning. The most important thing is that we give these things meaning by using our experiences to help others who go through similar situations. That's the only meaning we can give to such awful tragedy. Remember Job in the Old Testament? I have always believed that Job is a parable. Some people believe that there really was a Job. But, the most important thing about Job is the message. No matter what happens to us in our lives and no matter how bad it is, we must always be faithful to God, and He will be ever faithful to us in return. It's all in how we handle things in life. That's what makes the difference. I know that it's hard to pray and not ask "why?" Try to pray that God give you peace and strength. Tell Him how you hurt and ask for comfort. And then hopefully, you will receive the "peace that passeth all understanding", which is peace in your heart in spite of not understanding the circumstances. I'm so sorry for you grief and sorrow as your boyfriend travels this journey. How fortunate he is to have someone like you care so much about him. Madeline,I understand what you are staying but it is very hard to believe that God is standing by your side.  I say this because every day is a serious struggle for me.  My husband of 2 years (40 years old) died of stomach cancer.  We had some time together as we dated for 8 years before we got married.  I was terrified when the doctors told us that my husband had stomach cancer.  However, after going to several doctors the they let us to believe that there was some hope and that after some pretty ruff days, we would beat this.  I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to heal my husband and give us more time together... not just for one another but for our 14 year old daughter but it never happened.  Even now, I feel just as lost right now as I did when we were handling the arrangements for his funeral.  I pray now and ask for comfort but I dont feel any.  I miss him so much and the thought of going on without him brings tears to my eyes.  What I don't understand is that people openly "thank God" when good things happen ( I myself do it to) but never seem to believe that God had his hand in the hardships of life.  Why is that?  I am so angry that God finally allowed my soul mate and I to marry all to take him away from me 2 years later.  Why would he do that?  I didn't feel lonely before I met and married my husband and now I have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and have no idea how to get over it.Janeen Inazone2 Mon, 12 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT  On 3/10/2007 Oranjestad wrote:Dear Sweet:You ask the age old questions.....What and who is GOD?  I don't know....I believe in the truth, whatever that is.  Everyone's truth is their own and they must find it themselves. My daughter has an aggressive cancer.  Her prognosis is very bad.  My level of heartbreak and fear is unspeakable.  I want to die with her or before her, not after her.  It's hard for me to imagine any meaning to life without her in it.After much prayer and begging for her life, I have come to the conclusion that I believe in the truth.....whatever that is.  We are all connected somehow in this world and we will all be connected in whatever reality exists after we leave here.  Death is a natural occurence and happens to us all.  We avoid the topic, but the reality is always with us.  I wish I had words that could give you comfort, but I don't.  It is something you have to find within yourself and I have only been able to achieve a very small amount....  I will tell you what thoughts give me some level of comfort...... Death is a reality of life.......Death is not something to fear...but a new beginning in a reality that we can only imagine....Most fear of the unknown turns out to be nothing to fear at all and if we succumb to fear or sadness, we miss out on living. We are not meant to be here merely to survive, but to live and experience as much as possible in our time.  To share experience with those we love and all those that come after. In death we are...... we exist.  I don't know how, when, where or why, but my truth is ......we, our essence, our souls, our whatever, exist on some plane or in some dimension that we cannot now fathom.  But whatever this plane or dimension is, it will be natural.  Many people call this Heaven.  I don't know......as I said, I believe in the truth, whatever that is.Death really has no power over us.  Only what we allow.....Live today.  Be true to yourself and others.  My truth is..you take with you,  in death and in life, your love, your emotions, your character, your wisdom, your strength..... everything that makes you...... you.  And your part of the connection, of which we are all a part, is very important, in death as well as in life.  You see, we have connected.  Your letter touched me and now, I hope, I have touched you.  And we both have touched others and they have touched us.  I leave you with a quote I read somewhere."We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, but spiritual beings on a human journey"I am truly sorry to hear about your daughter's prognosis.  I can't imagine what you must be going through.  I have a daughter as well and worry about her constantly.  My husband passed from stomach cancer in November, 2006.  We talked a lot about death and I believe in the end, he accepted his fate.  I on the other hand prayed and prayed for a different outcome.  Don't get me wrong, my husband wanted to live.  I understand that death is a natural part of life but why does it have to come with such suffering.  My husband was a very active 40 year old man with a world of opportunities still ahead of him and now he is gone.  In Jan. 07 my daughter got really sick.  She is a type 1 diabetic.  I took her to the emergency room, in the same hospital that I took my husband where he ultimately passed and they told my that her condition was too poor and she could not be helped there.  She was transferred to the University of Chicago where I was told if I hadn't have brought her in that she probably wouldn't have made it.  I felt horrible.  I was so busy trying to take care of her mental well-being that I completely snoozed on her physical health.  It has been 4 months now and I don't think I have really grieved his loss yet.  All of this belongings are still in their rightful place, I haven't been able to shut his phone off.  I really don't want to let go because I love him so much.  How am I suppose to let go of the love of my life.  I am starting to tear up as I write this.  Please tell me how I am suppose to go on.  I know I need to be here for my daughter and I want to be, but I would also like him to be here by my side.Janeen Inazone2 Mon, 12 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT Dear Janeen, I sent you a private reply...... Madeline Ruth Mon, 12 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT I can't agree with you more. My mother was DX with nsclc stage 4 in jan07. Surgery and radiation aren't options only low dose chemo to help give her quality of life. At first I was so angry that this was happening to our family. My mom is a strong believer in her faith and leads such a good innocent life. The best mom and grandmother anyone can ask for. But it's funny my mom has always had bad things happen to her and she just keeps on trucking. It has taken alot for me to understand and to come to peace with what is going on. I am the youngest of 3 at 26. My mom has actually been my strength through these couple of months. She has never gotten selfish and asked Why me? She always asks Why not me? She has taught me how to pray. Hey I thought it was so easy just ask for what I wanted and in some way he would answer. I've had to learn that you have to ask for His will to be done. And that he give you the strength to make it through these hard times. While my mom was in the hospital (she went in to the ER for pain in her side and the docs did a xray on her gallbladder and thats when the tumors showed up) she got the news when she was by herself. We hadn't made it up to the hospital that day yet. Anyway my dad was the last to find out. After she explained everything to him she looked right at him and said "now don't be jealous that I am going to heaven before you." I couldn't believe that. The same day that her doctor told her she was terminal she was already talking about Heaven.  At first I thought she was just being strong for all of us but I can look at her and see she is sincere. She has an inner strength that is showing through. I truely believe that God is keeping her here on Earth to be a witness for Him. To let others know that if they believe and trust that He will take care of them and give them peace.  God Bless everyone who is going through this horrible disease caretakers also. Dothedewmom Sat, 17 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT