I'm so sorry you've lost your mom. I wish I could give you a big hug. My dad has stage IV lung cancer metastasized to the liver. After a few rounds of radiation, he has become so weak that he can't even get out of bed. He has been in the hospital for almost 2 weeks now and his doctor told me his heart could stop anytime. A friend from church gave me an extract of a book called 90 Minutes in Heaven. It's about somebody who was once officially dead for 90 minutes during which he had the most wonderful "heavenly" experience meeting his long lost relatives and friends. I pray that you would one day be able to reunite with your mom and grandma in heaven. I hope you can somehow find strength and comfort knowing that God loves you and so do your father and brother. As a Christian, all I know is that when we're in trouble, we need to seek God' help. Do pray to God when you feel lonely and lost because He is our refuge, strength, and ever-present help in trouble.