I was a smoker and came out of treatment cancer free. I quit smoking during treatment and had no support and a lot of stress and started smoking again. Now, I feel discouraged and numb even though I am still cancer free but I know I have done alot of damage these past 6 months from smoking. I have a trech in my throat that won't come out until I quit smoking and this leaves me housebound. I am tired from chemo and radiation, but force myself to keep up my apartment and appearance. I have three little kittens to keep me company. I have lost what support I have in a way and disappointed my Doctor's and disappointed myself which just leads me to more smoking even though I am cutting down. Does anyone else have these problems or does anyone have any advice on how to manage time and depression? I go to my Doctor next month to see if I am still cancer free and the sad thing is, I sometimes just feel numb. It is like I can't feel anything anymore because I have been through so much and so has my family.