Dear Kosta,
I'm so sorry things didn't work out differently for your Mom. It sounds like her life has been one hardship after another. I know she must be very young. You and your brother must try to realize that your were her sunshine, the great blessings in her life, perhaps her reason for living! I know it's so hard to lose your Mom when so young. My heart aches for you all.
I was real young, too when my mom died, and I, too felt that I must be somewhat responsible. I spent much of my childhood carrying guilt and anger. Then someone explained to me we were like two separate units and because her life was completed and mine was just beginning I need to realize God has a plan for each life, and to trust and believe that God will help me through the bad times as well as grant me many good things during my lifetime. Someone else recently told me when hearing that my daughter had died, that she finished her work early. After thinking about her words I found them to be very comforting.
If I could have had a few hours with my Mom, I'd spend every minute close to her. I'd tell her how much I loved her and how much I appreciate the special meals she prepared for me, and I'd ask her things about what she liked to eat, her favorite flower, color and what did she want mostly for me and my brother. Perhaps these hours can become a treasure that you will cherish throughout your life. If she can't talk, you can and just hold her hand. I've heard the last thing we lose is our hearing. She might like to talk to a priest or minister.
I wish I could I be there to give you a big hug and tell you what a brave and special young man you are.
You, your brother and Mom will be in my prayers.
Blessings, skately