Dealing with guilt/anger

4 Posts | Page(s): 1 

Dealing with guilt/anger

by Dana979 on Mon Jul 24, 2017 12:12 PM

Quote | Reply
Hi, I was diagnosed on April 29 with papillary cancer. I am getting ready to receive RAI treatment after an extent surgery. I had my thyroid removed, 11 lymph nodes, 1 parathyroid gland, and a level 6 neck dissection and the spread from the core of my skull hoing down 10cm to my chest from my left side if my neck, and was branched around my voice vain. Im SO grateful my voice is fine. I was devastated when doctors told me that the cancer has been there for at least 7-10 years!! I can't believe I've been living with it for so long even though I was very consistent with my complaints about my symptoms and was up to date with check ups. After 1 month of the surgery I still can't get over the guilt for not eating healthy, ignoring all warnings about using stuff that might be cancerous, and the worst part is that I trusted my endocrinologist that ignored my symptoms even though I was constantly addressing my worries for the last 4 years. Just because I had a biopsy done and the results were fine. After checking my records, I found out that she made a mistake with a biopsy to my rIght lobe instead of my LEFT. And never followed up after it again. If I Just read the radiology report that showed many red flags on the LEFT lobe and noticed that the pathology report showed results of right lobe; I would've immediately figured it out. Of course, I fired this doctor now because I've been on a waiting list for 2 months after informing her office with my cancer diagnosis. After my first visit to the new doctor I felt even worse cuz I a high risk for recurring due to the extent of the cancer in my left side of the neck. At the end, she made comments that was hinting to my ignorance for not noticing this very slow growing cancer. Everything happens for a reason, but I feel responsible for not seeking another doctor's opinion. Also, the fear of recurrence and the fear of this happening to one of my beloved ones. These feelings are making my heeling process much more difficult. Now I feel guilty for not being grateful for surviving this long. I wonder if these feelings are normal now or if any of you went through the same?

RE: Dealing with guilt/anger

by hebhasPT1aNX on Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:25 PM

Quote | Reply

On Jul 24, 2017 12:12 PM Dana979 wrote:

Hi, I was diagnosed on April 29 with papillary cancer. I am getting ready to receive RAI treatment after an extent surgery. I had my thyroid removed, 11 lymph nodes, 1 parathyroid gland, and a level 6 neck dissection and the spread from the core of my skull hoing down 10cm to my chest from my left side if my neck, and was branched around my voice vain. Im SO grateful my voice is fine. I was devastated when doctors told me that the cancer has been there for at least 7-10 years!! I can't believe I've been living with it for so long even though I was very consistent with my complaints about my symptoms and was up to date with check ups. After 1 month of the surgery I still can't get over the guilt for not eating healthy, ignoring all warnings about using stuff that might be cancerous, and the worst part is that I trusted my endocrinologist that ignored my symptoms even though I was constantly addressing my worries for the last 4 years. Just because I had a biopsy done and the results were fine. After checking my records, I found out that she made a mistake with a biopsy to my rIght lobe instead of my LEFT. And never followed up after it again. If I Just read the radiology report that showed many red flags on the LEFT lobe and noticed that the pathology report showed results of right lobe; I would've immediately figured it out. Of course, I fired this doctor now because I've been on a waiting list for 2 months after informing her office with my cancer diagnosis. After my first visit to the new doctor I felt even worse cuz I a high risk for recurring due to the extent of the cancer in my left side of the neck. At the end, she made comments that was hinting to my ignorance for not noticing this very slow growing cancer. Everything happens for a reason, but I feel responsible for not seeking another doctor's opinion. Also, the fear of recurrence and the fear of this happening to one of my beloved ones. These feelings are making my heeling process much more difficult. Now I feel guilty for not being grateful for surviving this long. I wonder if these feelings are normal now or if any of you went through the same?

I am so sorry this happened to you!

I understand feelings like the guilt, but it does nothing to help you in the now.  You need to be kind to yourself in a time of need!

I would be very angry with the endo doctor as well.  That at least has the possibility of producing some helpful results, like better medical care through different physicians!

Your feelings are all good - they are just emotions, and they just are.  It's what we choose to DO with our feelings to help ourselves cope that makes a positive difference.

When you catch yourself feeling angry with yourself (guilty) ask if you would speak to a dearly loved friend in your situation that way.  And then try to say to yourself what you would say to a dear friend.

RE: Dealing with guilt/anger

by Dana979 on Mon Jul 31, 2017 02:02 PM

Quote | Reply
Thank you for replying to me. Your words are truly helpful.

RE: Dealing with guilt/anger

by Dana979 on Mon Jul 31, 2017 05:35 PM

Quote | Reply
I'm trying ti delete/edit this post as it doesn't help me or anyone else here. I couldn't find the "delete" button so I decided to rephrase this. Eventhough I feel angry with myself, but I will be proactive and make better decisions now. I'm looking for suggestions for ANY useful tips regarding: eating healthy, Living healthy keeping my family healthy, enjoying life with C, organizing my health records, Keep track of my own health how to prevent from recurring- if possible
4 Posts | Page(s): 1 
Subscribe to this message board discussion

Latest Messages

View More

We care about your feedback. Let us know how we can improve your CancerCompass experience.