I'm a 16 year old kid and my best friend has heart cancer

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I'm a 16 year old kid and my best friend has heart cancer

by rdullea9290 on Sun Feb 03, 2019 06:30 PM

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My best friend was diagnosed with heart cancer about 4 months ago, and I don't know what to do. Every passing day it looks like she has less and less of a chance of making it and while this is going on she continues to push me away more and more. I know it is commen for people who are diagnosed with cancer to push away their loved ones, but I don't know how much of it I can take. I want to stay with all my heart to tell her no matter how much she pushes me I will never leave her side, but shes starting to not want to do anything that made our friendship special. Ever sense the beginning of our friendship, we have had this tradition called shitty movie friday. We would go to the dollar theater and pick the worst rated movie. Then sit in the front row and make terrible puns and jokes the entire time. I would usually put my arm around her and pull her close. It was completly platonic, but it was always both of our favorite times, because she and I have had a hard life, hers considerably worse than mine but still. We have been through everything together, she has been raped, dealt with anorexia, and neglect, but through it all I have always been the person she can escape into. We could cry in each others arms, and forget the world for a little bit. Until she was diagnosed with cancer. Then suddenly she started saying how she wasn't comforted by me anymore, and she completly shut me out of her head and stopped telling me how she was doing. We have fought over and over again, it got to the point this week where she said she needs a break from our friendship. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to leave her side, but everytime i fight for her and tell her how much I love her it just blows up. I don't know what to do anymore, and I can't talk to anyone about it, because her family didn't want her to tell anyone not even me, so she could keep this strong image going. It is starting to effect my grades and school life as well. Her and I have battled for validictorian of our class for the last two years, but my grades are starting to slip. As I write this out I'm crying, because I have finals tommorow and I can't concentrate. I want to remain by her side I just don't know how much more of it for take, and I guess im just looking for advice or encouragment on what to do.

RE: I'm a 16 year old kid and my best friend has heart cancer

by PunkyD on Mon Feb 04, 2019 08:50 AM

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                 Dear rdullea9290,

I am so sorry that you are in this heartbreaking position. It sounds like a complicated situation. From what you have described, it sounds like she is insistent on distancing herself from you. It is unclear why, but there could be several reasons. First of all, as you have mentioned, it is common for people who are diagnosed with cancer to push away their loved ones. I think this is a defense mechanism. The person's physical, mental, and emotional conditions are being challenged and the person needs to focus on themselves and figure things out.  The person's life has changed drastically, and this requires adjustment. In your friend's case, this is complicated by her history and the fact that her family didn't want her to tell anyone, including you. She desperately needs a large support system right now. She can't go against her family's wishes… she needs them. It is obvious that you love her and want to support her, but I think you really need to follow her lead now.  Even if it means distancing yourself from her. You really need to focus on her feelings now, and not your own, even though it hurts. I think she probably still cares about you very much, but she has to focus on herself now. In addition, if her condition is indeed worsening, she needs to come to terms with that and prepare herself/or fight her disease.  If you want to be a true friend, I would recommend that you send her a short message telling her that you are here for her if and when she needs you. Let her come to you. You cannot force a person to do something they don't want to. If she says that she needs a break, then give her a break. Realize that you have been a true friend. Just be there for her. Don't give up on your grades…..even if you're heartbroken. Hang in there, and try to take care of yourself.  

     Sincerely,

     Punky

RE: I'm a 16 year old kid and my best friend has heart cancer

by rdullea9290 on Tue Feb 05, 2019 02:20 AM

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Thank you for the support. I'll try to give her the space she wants. It feels like she has replaced me though and I get it she is going through something so hard that I can't even begin to imagine, and I think at this point I am just a reminder to her of everything that's going on, but it's hard. Our entire lives have revolved around each other for so long, and then just one night she suddenly decided that she didn't want anything to do with me she doesn't want my support, she doesn't even want to talk to me at school, and this was months after her diagnoses. Maybe she was finally given time to process and it just hit her that night, because she is sorta the person everyone goes to at our school for emotional support and what not, and she had been really burdened by everyone. I'm gonna try to give her more space though, thank you so much. 

RE: I'm a 16 year old kid and my best friend has heart cancer

by Paulnixon on Fri Aug 02, 2019 07:37 AM

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May God bless them...

RE: I'm a 16 year old kid and my best friend has heart cancer

by kak123 on Mon Aug 12, 2019 06:56 PM

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I'm so sorry for your situation. It truly is just as  difficult for her loved ones as it is the patient. I do hope you conintue notes, flowers anything that lets her/him know that you are thinking about them. I don't know if your friend has come to terms with the diagnosis, but you also must think of the family. Everyone accepts and heals at differnt time. For your sake keep the communication open. Maybe the parents may be able to help you. It is OK to feel the loss. I hope you have someone to talk to.

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