As a son of a cancer patient, I feel numb

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As a son of a cancer patient, I feel numb

by COFFEEMAN123 on Sun May 12, 2019 06:56 PM

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My dad was diagnosed 2 to 3 years ago by a regular colonoscopy, they found polyps, biopsied to discover it's cancer. After the procedure to take out the polyps in the colon, they discovered polyps on the pancreas.

To discover he had Pancreas and Colon that has not met, which is rare. Kaiser was dumbfounded and asked for the City of Hope to be the umbrella of his care.

He has been fighting with radiation at first then chemo repetitively. About 3 to 4 months back the oncologists Dr gave him false hope but by me working in the medical, I was skeptical. It took another Dr to tell my folks the cancer is everywhere which brought him into a deep depression and completely brought down his morale. This week in May 2019, a huge blow made me numb. He was hospitalized with bilat pneumonia being weak and pale. Yesterday, we met with the palliative care team and they transferred him home via ambulance. It's sad to see my dad so weak and cancer literally killing him.

I don't know how to act, what to say, how to respond?

All i can say is that I am numb!!!!

RE: As a son of a cancer patient, I feel numb

by PD_NEC on Tue May 14, 2019 06:14 AM

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On May 12, 2019 6:56 PM COFFEEMAN123 wrote:

My dad was diagnosed 2 to 3 years ago by a regular colonoscopy, they found polyps, biopsied to discover it's cancer. After the procedure to take out the polyps in the colon, they discovered polyps on the pancreas.

To discover he had Pancreas and Colon that has not met, which is rare. Kaiser was dumbfounded and asked for the City of Hope to be the umbrella of his care.

He has been fighting with radiation at first then chemo repetitively. About 3 to 4 months back the oncologists Dr gave him false hope but by me working in the medical, I was skeptical. It took another Dr to tell my folks the cancer is everywhere which brought him into a deep depression and completely brought down his morale. This week in May 2019, a huge blow made me numb. He was hospitalized with bilat pneumonia being weak and pale. Yesterday, we met with the palliative care team and they transferred him home via ambulance. It's sad to see my dad so weak and cancer literally killing him.

I don't know how to act, what to say, how to respond?

All i can say is that I am numb!!!!

I am really sorry man. I feel the same way - sometimes numb, angry most of the time, depressed and helpless.

RE: As a son of a cancer patient, I feel numb

by Valeriepannone on Tue May 14, 2019 02:53 PM

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On May 14, 2019 6:14 AM PD_NEC wrote:

On May 12, 2019 6:56 PM COFFEEMAN123 wrote:

My dad was diagnosed 2 to 3 years ago by a regular colonoscopy, they found polyps, biopsied to discover it's cancer. After the procedure to take out the polyps in the colon, they discovered polyps on the pancreas.

To discover he had Pancreas and Colon that has not met, which is rare. Kaiser was dumbfounded and asked for the City of Hope to be the umbrella of his care.

He has been fighting with radiation at first then chemo repetitively. About 3 to 4 months back the oncologists Dr gave him false hope but by me working in the medical, I was skeptical. It took another Dr to tell my folks the cancer is everywhere which brought him into a deep depression and completely brought down his morale. This week in May 2019, a huge blow made me numb. He was hospitalized with bilat pneumonia being weak and pale. Yesterday, we met with the palliative care team and they transferred him home via ambulance. It's sad to see my dad so weak and cancer literally killing him.

I don't know how to act, what to say, how to respond?

All i can say is that I am numb!!!!

I am really sorry man. I feel the same way - sometimes numb, angry most of the time, depressed and helpless.

I'm the daughter of a cancer patient as well. In july 2018 my dad was diagnosed with bile duck and liver cancer stage 4. I felt like someone threw bricks at my chest. I couldn't believe my dad was sick. He was 74 years old. In July the doctors gave him 6-9 months to live.. He lived 8 months and passed away this march 2019. I know how you feel. I've watched my strong father got tobeing bed ridden, his beautiful amile turned to a frown, his eyes that once had life in them turned dark and cold. He was disappearing right in front of me. He lost so much weight and at the final days of his life he could not speak, he went into a light coma. He had the death rattle that night and his body kept jerking of muscle spasms.. He suffered. He didn't have any pain although morphine was given to him to help his breathing because he was breathing so fast, 30 breaths in one minute. It was heartbreaking to watch him go through this.. I know exactly how you feel. Try to stay strong in front of them, if you have to cry walk away. Don't let him see you cry. It makes their departing harder.. feel free to ask me anything!

Val Pannone

Saten Island 

RE: As a son of a cancer patient, I feel numb

by COFFEEMAN123 on Sun May 19, 2019 02:16 AM

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Thank you so much Val

RE: As a son of a cancer patient, I feel numb

by Valeriepannone on Mon May 20, 2019 05:00 PM

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On May 19, 2019 2:16 AM COFFEEMAN123 wrote:

Thank you so much Val

Anytime! I am in the middle of becoming an avocate for cholangiocarcinoma. I submitted my application and now have some training to complete. If you have any other questions on anything about this cancer or what to expect let me know. I will try to help you the best i can. Hang in there. One day at a time.. baby steps  :)

Val 

RE: As a son of a cancer patient, I feel numb

by Maryshope on Fri May 31, 2019 05:37 PM

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My son, 59 years old, died Sunday, May 26, 2019, a year after he was diagnosed with peritoneal carcinomatosis. The first oncologist said, annoyingly, "There is no cure!  I can't help you!!" Then pushed my older son, my son with cancer, and me out of his office. Another oncologist said, "Folfox might help," but agreed it could cause him to die sooner because it would kill good cells as well as "bad cells." After searching alternatives, he worked so hard to stay alive, declaring to me, "Mom, I want to live!" Some 13 months later, after becoming depressed, he told me to accept he was going to die and please accept that for him.

My advice: spend every minute you can with your dad.  Talk about anything. Fun times in the past. Trips you took.  What is going on in your life and the lives of those for whom he cares. Hold his hands. Give him sips of water. He is depressed. He knows he is dying. Keep his last days as stress free as possible. Stress and depression will make him want to give up. Tell him you love him. Again. Again. And again.  

From a sad and grieving mom. 

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