Dealing with family issues after GBM diagnosis

Hello, all.

Let me start out by prefacing:  Two weeks ago my father was diagnosed with an inoperable Glioblastoma on the left thalamus region of his brain.  General prognosis is 18 months.

When we found out, much like most of you I'm sure, our entire family was shocked and devestated.  As the last couple weeks have passed and a treatment plan has been established, we've tried our best to get back to living a "normal" life...or perhaps what should be referred to as our "new normal".

Unfortunately, over the last five-six years my family (my wife, our three children, and me) and my parent's relationship has not been great.  There have been portions of time throughout the last few years when we haven't been on speaking terms and therefore there has been some significant damage.  I had always kept it in the back of my mind that things would see themselves through and we would eventually work through our differences.  However, now I do not have that luxury of time.

I want my kids to know their grandfather.  I know there's not crystal ball that says he's going to live for only 18 months.  There's not anything that says he's even going to make 18 months.  Regardless, I want my children to be able to spend as much time with him as they can while he's still here. 

So my question is...in a time when emotions are running high and everyone is kind of reeling from the shock of everything, how do I respectfully and compassionately address the situation with my parents?  I dont want to lay a guilt trip or create more emotional stress on them, especially at this time, but I do want them to know that not only do I want my children to know my father, but I also want my father to get to know my children.

Thank you.

It's a tough situation. I think any advice from people that didn't pass through that wouldn't have any effect!

The only thing you can really do is be candid with your parents. I would sit down with them and first see how their are coping and what stage in grief they are at. Then depending on that I would be frank and say that the past has bothered you and life always makes us think there is time to figure things out but this event has shown you that is not really true and now you are feeling immense sadness that your children do not know their grandparents as well as you feel they should. Tell them the truth and see what response you get. If your relationship has been rocky in the past and they are caught up in this new diagnosis they may not want to do what you are asking. In that case I would not force it. Hopefully, the idea of spending time with laughing, smiling children will be something they want.  

I'm sorry to hear about your father's diagnosis. 

I would either write them a sincere message or letter explaining how you feel, as opposed to confronting them with how you feel.  Something written down can give them time to process, think and react, rather than confronting them and putting them on the spot under stressful and strained conditions. 

Good luck with this attempt. I think it is important and wise. 

I wish you, your family and your parents the best possible outcome. 

Punky