feeling sad and helpless

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feeling sad and helpless

by luvindaughter on Mon Sep 19, 2011 01:45 PM

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Called my dad yesterday. (He and my mom live in FL and I live in MA.)  He sounds so depressed.  He told me he can barely walk because of the pain in his hip.  He started radiation to it and has his second round of chemo this week.  I just feel so helpless being so far from him.  I talked to my husband and was about to spend almost $800 on a ticket to go down there next weekend but they don't want me to come.  My mom said "wait until we really need you".  I have really been down the past couple of days.  I want them so badly to come up here and for my dad to see one of the oncologist in boston that specializes in lung cancer.  I just have this awful feeling that he isn't going to get better.  I'm constantly on the verge of tears lately and that is not me.  I just hurt so bad for him.  He is such a strong man.  It is so hard to hear him hurting.  I want to help! 

RE: feeling sad and helpless

by RedKat68 on Thu Sep 22, 2011 12:16 AM

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We were just at the oncologist to day and my husbands doctor said "cancer breaks a lot of things". Sometimes its hearts.

I am thinking of what your Mother said and without knowing your situation perrhaps she is preparing for the day when she will need your help caring for your father. Maybe she fears that if you come now you will not be able to come down later? Perhaps she doesn't have the emotional strength to care for him and nurture you at the same time. As a mother, I would be torn and afraid of failing both of the people that I love so dearly. I do not know your specific situation so this is just speculation.

I hear your pain, it is so difficult to watch someone you have known to be so strong and unstoppable suddenly become so frail. My Eric is 6"2' has always had endless energy and an unbeleivable pain threshold. Now at only 52 he faces terninal cancer, constant, sometimes excruciating pain and fatigue; meanwhile all I can do is try to not let him see me crying all the time. The helplessness is overwhelming sometimes. I want to kiss it and make it better.... the only problem is, I can't. Sometimes I accept that and attain peace for awhile and then I loose that acceptance and start to cry again. It's a process. A slow process but it is getting better.

Gather your girlfriends close, they won't mind listening and letting you cry. Mine have listened alot in the last 6 months. Have a glass of wine and allow yourself to be afraid and sad, you are only human after all.

RE: feeling sad and helpless

by luvindaughter on Mon Oct 03, 2011 01:14 PM

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Thank you.  Last week was a little better. Got some fairly good news about my dad.  The tumors in his brain are not gone but they have shrunk.  The radiation oncologist said they may be able to do the gamma knife procedure, but would have to talk to the neurosurgeon.  Oh how I pray that they can. 

I think you were right on about my mom.  I can't imagine what she is going through right now.  She is doing the best that she can.  It is just so hard being so far away.  Nothing can change that right now though.  I have to give the best support I can from where I am.  I am busy trying to get an addition built on our house so that they can move up here with me and my family....another area that requires patience...It has been a month and we are still waiting for them to break ground. 

Thanks again for your advice.  Praying for the best for you and your husband.

 

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RE: feeling sad and helpless

by luvmyboxerz on Thu Oct 13, 2011 02:01 AM

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it is very hard being far away. My parents have been at MD Anderson for 7 weeks. I was right where you are, feeling very sad &helpless. I was able to go visit for one weekend, and since they are away from their home, they were really glad to have me visit, someone to talk to. And it helped me too, to see them.

My parents didnt want me to come when I first mentioned it, but once I just told them I was coming, they were very excited about the idea.

anyways, it is hard being far away. I sent letters in the mail from their grandkids etc. Sent videos via skype and youtube. it helped.

good luck to you, hang in there!

 

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