im giving up

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RE: im giving up

by joeanne on Thu Apr 19, 2012 11:57 PM

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I am sorry to hear you hurting so badly. Cancer sucks and it is not fair. It is ok to cry but I hope that you find someone to help you feel better. The point of trying is for your children.

You are in my thoughts,

RE: im giving up

by andrewsmommy222 on Fri Apr 20, 2012 02:51 AM

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On Apr 19, 2012 11:20 PM Susan327 wrote:

I hope you are feeling a little better tonight. One thing you said that bothered me was that you hate yourself. I am not sure why you feel that way. Sometimes people blame themselves for not finding some way to avoid the bad things that happen to them, even though there was nothing they could have done to stop it.  Sometimes people feel angry with themselves because they feel like they did not use their time in this world well.  I don't know why you say you hate yourself, but you don't need to be hated right now.  Please try talking to your family again - if that does not help see if your doctor or the hospital social worker can put you in touch with someone that you can talk too.

Susan

i hate myself cuz of the person i am. that cuz im sick and other lies tht my ex told my daughter she wants nothing to do with me. what im putting my family thru, that i cant play with my son for more than 20 mins without being in pain or getting tired. i hate everything about me..

RE: im giving up

by andrewsmommy222 on Fri Apr 20, 2012 03:03 AM

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so a lil bit of good news tonight. i went to my doctor today for other reasons and the nurse asked me if i felt safe at home and i just burst out in tears.she asked me what was going on and i let it all out. legally in the state of florida when a person tells a doctor,family member cop, etc that they are having thoughts of suicide they are suppose to have you baker acted which idk if other states have this too but it means taken to a behavorial hospital with a mandatory 72 hour stay. thankfully granted i am a threat to myself and even my lil boy right now and my dad she didnt do that. the reason was she knows i live with my dad and talked to him and he promised to keep watch on me tonight and she made me promise that i will go see a psyhciatrist first thing in the morning which she made the appointment for me and got me in right away and she will know if i dont go. and if i dont go she said she will have the cops at my door. i sit hear hysterical even as i write this. will it help? i doubt it but im going to go and see.

I just want to say to all my new friends on here thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and talking to me.. im still depressed and having these thoughtd but you all are great.

RE: im giving up

by Dlynn1210 on Fri Apr 20, 2012 04:07 AM

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On Apr 20, 2012 3:03 AM andrewsmommy222 wrote:

so a lil bit of good news tonight. i went to my doctor today for other reasons and the nurse asked me if i felt safe at home and i just burst out in tears.she "" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://tears.she " target="_blank" rel="nofollow">tears.she asked me what was going on and i let it all out. legally in the state of florida when a person tells a doctor,family member cop, etc that they are having thoughts of suicide they are suppose to have you baker acted which idk if other states have this too but it means taken to a behavorial hospital with a mandatory 72 hour stay. thankfully granted i am a threat to myself and even my lil boy right now and my dad she didnt do that. the reason was she knows i live with my dad and talked to him and he promised to keep watch on me tonight and she made me promise that i will go see a psyhciatrist first thing in the morning which she made the appointment for me and got me in right away and she will know if i dont go. and if i dont go she said she will have the cops at my door. i sit hear hysterical even as i write this. will it help? i doubt it but im going to go and see.

I just want to say to all my new friends on here thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and talking to me.. im still depressed and having these thoughtd but you all are great.

Sweetheart, this is very good news and the fact that the nurse took a chance and went against what the state mandates is nothing short of an answer to prayers. You have a whole lot on your plate right now and as I said earlier, at times we all need to gain strength from others. As you can tell by the responses here, there are many who care about you and are praying for you - many you can gain strength from.     

Diana    

RE: im giving up

by Dlynn1210 on Fri Apr 20, 2012 04:27 AM

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On Apr 20, 2012 2:51 AM andrewsmommy222 wrote:

On Apr 19, 2012 11:20 PM Susan327 wrote:

I hope you are feeling a little better tonight. One thing you said that bothered me was that you hate yourself. I am not sure why you feel that way. Sometimes people blame themselves for not finding some way to avoid the bad things that happen to them, even though there was nothing they could have done to stop it.  Sometimes people feel angry with themselves because they feel like they did not use their time in this world well.  I don't know why you say you hate yourself, but you don't need to be hated right now.  Please try talking to your family again - if that does not help see if your doctor or the hospital social worker can put you in touch with someone that you can talk too.

Susan

i hate myself cuz of the person i am. that cuz im sick and other lies tht my ex told my daughter she wants nothing to do with me. what im putting my family thru, that i cant play with my son for more than 20 mins without being in pain or getting tired. i hate everything about me..

You have NO first hand knowledge of how your daughter feels, only the words of your ex.  As I said earlier, an ex can become so wrapped up in his/her own negative feelings after a split that he/she often loses sight of what is really best for the child. 

Enjoy the 20 minutes of play with your son because it is worth its weight in gold.  If you can only play with him for 10 min - make the most of the 10 min.  If you can manage 30 min - even watching a video together - go for it.  Finger paint a picture together.  Think up activities you can do that don't require a lot of strength.  Read him a book.  A lot you can do that doesn't require a lot of effort.   

What you are putting your famiy through has nothing to do with anything you did.  That is what family is for - you are there for each other.  Your Dad and your aunt both love you and I am sure are very worried right now.  If the tables were reversed and one of them were sick, I'm willing to bet you would be there for them.     

I will continue to remember you in my prayers - and remember, you have many on here who care about you.                 

Diana

RE: im giving up

by togawendy on Fri Apr 20, 2012 02:00 PM

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you are doing the right thing and they will give you the help that you need.  We are all thinking about you and CARE...wendy

RE: im giving up

by tomco727 on Fri Apr 20, 2012 03:19 PM

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Good luck with the therapist today -I'm sure you will feel better -let us know

mujersabia mujersabia
(Inactive)

RE: im giving up

by mujersabia on Sat Apr 21, 2012 12:25 AM

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You are great to just remember that, and if you werent a fighter you would not have said anything, so think about that, you do not want to die, you want to live very badly, you took the chance talking to your doctor and Im so happy you did. Girl even if you did have to have a stay, it would give you the opportunity to talk your feelings out with others away from your usual group at home....a fresh perspective as I hope we have been. I care, and you are now my new friend so you are stuck with me :P and as far  as I can tell a few others here have befriended you also. We already have to fight for our lives because of our cancers, lets not have to fight with ourselves... Hang in there amiga!

RE: im giving up

by Susan327 on Sat Apr 21, 2012 02:29 PM

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I hope talking to the psychiatrist helped.  I think feeling angry with yourself is nomal when you have cancer.  But try to focus on anything positive about yourself.  You must be a very strong person to have come this far in such a difficult situation. I am sure your daughter loves you very much, but she is probably as angry and scared about the whole situation as you are.  Is there anyone you could talk to that has any influence with your ex?  I don't know your situation but I don't think it is good for your little girl not to be in contact with you.  Hang in there.  I will keep praying for you and your family.

RE: im giving up

by andrewsmommy222 on Tue Apr 24, 2012 01:54 AM

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On Apr 21, 2012 12:25 AM mujersabia wrote:

You are great to just remember that, and if you werent a fighter you would not have said anything, so think about that, you do not want to die, you want to live very badly, you took the chance talking to your doctor and Im so happy you did. Girl even if you did have to have a stay, it would give you the opportunity to talk your feelings out with others away from your usual group at home....a fresh perspective as I hope we have been. I care, and you are now my new friend so you are stuck with me :P and as far  as I can tell a few others here have befriended you also. We already have to fight for our lives because of our cancers, lets not have to fight with ourselves... Hang in there amiga!

thank you!! your right. im still feeling any better tho. it didnt work out like i thought. im glad to have met you and have you as my friend just like the rest of you on here!

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