My love has passed away 06/01/2012

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RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by Paminnewbury on Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:57 PM

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You are getting through each day it's dreadfull nothing and no one can help you , the only thing that could make it better is not going to happen its so painful it's not fair cry cry cry that's all I did still do a lot and know who is there for you your heart is broken and it can heal very slowly I know exactly where you are I'm just able to go out a bit not much but way more than I could have at 12 weeks small baby steps is all we can do xxx

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by judys909 on Tue Jan 22, 2013 04:36 AM

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Well Feb 2 my  husband would be 63, He died Aug 2. We had his service Aug 27. I have gotten through my 60th birthday Sept 2, our 39th anniversary Nov 3, our son's wedding Nov 10, Thanksgiving, Death of my daughters friend from cancer Nov 27, Chirstmas, New years, and  now I face his 63rd birthday all alone. I'm good at hiding my tears. Now that the kids live here I don't have the time by my self to fall apart. We loved to travel and now its so hard alone. He retired at 55. I'm glad now that he had the time to explore what he wanted to do. He worked so hard and traveled all over the place. I do find it hard when events tick away and it messures the time he has been gone.

I get so sad I don't have him to count on. He fixed everything. I had heart surgery 14 years ago and have been dependent on him. We spent 7 months fighting this losing battle and each day I saw him doing less and less. He kept pushing himself not wanting help. We both believed he would beat this.

Its been 25 weeks now, I have moved into down stairs room. Gave away our bead and living a different life. Empty, after 38 years together I guess its going to take a long time to get it together.

I hope time will heal us. Knowone said how long. I put my faith in Jesus, Jay is in heaven with our beloved dogs that went before him.  He did love his dogs and missed them. I am here with my grandkids watching them grow more independent every day.

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by sguerra47 on Tue Jan 22, 2013 05:49 AM

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Oh Judy.   I feel for you.   17 weeks today since I lost Ron.  He was my caretaker like that too - I am so lost and alone.  I live alone though in a town away from our children and grand-children.  We had retired in a 55 and older area in NV.   i am staying here for now though, too tramatic to think about trying to do anything except survive each day.

Love Sandy

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by judys909 on Tue Jan 22, 2013 06:52 AM

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Thank you, Sandy. It must be hard to be far from family. We almost moved to NV after retirerment, my husband traveled for work and he wanted to get to the projects he never had time for. He was always outside doing stuff.

All the hospice counclers said not to make any major changes at least for the first year. I wonder if they know how hard it is to do anything even the minor ones. It took me along time just to even post. I sat here alone for 16 weeks until my kids moved in. It felt like there was no life here. People came and went. Kids called, my son was getting ready for a wedding and my daughter was taking care of her friend who was losing her battle to cancer. Everyone moves on.

My paster said to me after the service, He is in a better place but you still have some work to do here. I guess this is where I'm suppost to be. I'm like everyone here, just surviving each day. Hope for a better tomorrow.

God bless, Judy

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by des12 on Wed Jan 23, 2013 04:12 AM

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Strange how we all could leave one post and it would all be the same. We had wonderful husbands and for that we were blessed. Also for that same reason we are hurting so. Ya know I keep going over that quote, "Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Some days I feel like it would have been so much easier to have never loved like this. Can't really make up my mind which way I'd want it.

I did move a week and a half ago, came down with pneumonia and a high fever the day before, go figure. I tried to tie up all the loose ends and couldn't quite do it. I've run myself so into the ground, the one guy moving me could see how down I was, maybe the tears gave it away. But it seems like since my husband has been gone, he sends His Angels now. It's happened so many times, honestly.

This big 6 ft. 4 line backer looking guy grabbed my boxes, retaped them, and spent an other half hr. grabbing all the things I couldn't seem to get to and next thing I know place was empty. Thank God for him, I was sick and overwhelmed.

So here I sit trying to figure if I'm better off, and still running away from some of the people who want to chat here. I'm the ame way, would rather stay somewhat withdrawn yet. There's an old friend of mine who lives here too and she also has been a Godsend. She put my kitchen together and emptied tons of boxes.

I sit here looking bewildered as usual. I have 4 grown sons, but the one with all the health problems and previous kidney, half a pancreas wanted to come help. I told him no, I didn't want him to be near me and get sick. But outside of that I'm alone.

Pam you made me laugh tonight, Pam's favorite words are it's all shit. I chuckled to see you still feel the same Pam. I agree. lol

God Bless,

Mary

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by Paminnewbury on Tue Jan 29, 2013 08:57 PM

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How are you probably shit but just keep going that's all we can do I'm going back to work don't think I can do this but going to tey have to move and sort out his things there are cobwebs in our bedroom I haven't ventured there for months but I have to now it scares me because his stuffs still on the bed , you take care xxx

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by Paminnewbury on Tue Jan 29, 2013 09:09 PM

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How's things hope you are ok xxxxx

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by des12 on Wed Jan 30, 2013 03:42 PM

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I'm not even sure what a normal ok is anymore, but like you said baby steps. I go at that pace every day and wait to see what the next step should be.

Mary

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by bestfriendmom on Wed Jan 30, 2013 03:56 PM

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I lost my husbnd in 1982 not to cancer but to marfans.  he was 32 and I was 23.  everyone told me that I would re-marry and life would go on.  Life has gone on.  I have fallen in love a few times and had a good life.  I have watched ar children go and our grandchildern be born and through it all I wished that he had been he to see it all.  Each day has gotten a little easier.  I miss him a little less but I have never forgotten what we shared.  All these years later there are days that go by that I dont think about him.  The only that I can promise you is that your pain will get better and that you will remember the good times that you had and it will bring a smile to your face.  You will someday be able to laugh again about the things that you and he shared.  It takes time to move on.  It takes a lot of love and support from people that have been there.  Don't let anyone try to tell you it is time to move on and get over it.  Take you time to mourn him and when you are ready you will move on. 

RE: My love has passed away 06/01/2012

by Paminnewbury on Wed Jan 30, 2013 08:57 PM

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On Jan 30, 2013 3:56 PMbestfriendmomwrote:

I lost my husbnd in 1982 not to cancer but to marfans.  he was 32 and I was 23.  everyone told me that I would re-marry and life would go on.  Life has gone on.  I have fallen in love a few times and had a good life.  I have watched ar children go and our grandchildern be born and through it all I wished that he had been he to see it all.  Each day has gotten a little easier.  I miss him a little less but I have never forgotten what we shared.  All these years later there are days that go by that I dont think about him.  The only that I can promise you is that your pain will get better and that you will remember the good times that you had and it will bring a smile to your face.  You will someday be able to laugh again about the things that you and he shared.  It takes time to move on.  It takes a lot of love and support from people that have been there.  Don't let anyone try to tell you it is time to move on and get over it.  Take you time to mourn him and when you are ready you will move on. 

If there is only misery ahead it makes me wonder what's the point I'm only 7 months out but the pain is awesome the ache is unbelievable can my heart bear this for years I don't think so but I get up and do it every day I'm 50 but inside I feel elderly It's xx but I'm doing it

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