I am so scared!

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I am so scared!

by kerryfriend on Tue Sep 18, 2012 10:19 PM

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My husband had been battling stage IV PC w/ liver mets since Oct. 5, 2011. He started chemo right away and it worked till July 2012. We than started on a new chemo and found out that it isn't working either. He has right side pain now and is having to take alot of pain pills. I am scared out of my mind. I don't know what is in store for us or what to expect down the road. He has started sleeping more. He is more quiet. Even though he is here I feel so alone. All I know to do is just be here for him and support him. Anyone have 2 failed chemo's and find one that worked?

RE: I am so scared!

by pancanman on Wed Sep 19, 2012 09:43 PM

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I haven't had two chemos and found another that worked, but I just wanted to answer your post. You are not alone, and you are doing the best you can for your husband. My wife has done the same for me and it means the world.

RE: I am so scared!

by wag8414 on Wed Sep 19, 2012 10:18 PM

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hello , just wonted to say what a wonderful wife you are and you are doing all you can for your husband , but what about you , noone should feel alone in this fight but i understand why you would feel that way , my dad has cancer and we support mum and dad but deep down i know my mum still has a sense of loss , i know she is grieving for the life before the cancer and the relationship that was before the cancer intruded .I admire how you write, you begin with a we not he , however a you is also important and  feeling alone to me must feel like a grief for what use to be a feeling of you and your husbands togetherness.think of doing something unexpected outside of both your pain that may create some laughter and closeness, take a break for a day  and be you and him where the cancer is not invited .regards jo

RE: I am so scared!

by lucky2Bhere on Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:41 AM

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Sorry, no words of wisdom on the chemo front. Just wanted to say, your loving support is the best medicine.  we are all with you here, never feel alone, we are all praying for each other. God Bless!

Candy

RE: I am so scared!

by kerryfriend on Fri Sep 21, 2012 01:39 AM

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Thank you for responding. I am sorry about your dad. I will be praying for you and your family. This had been so hard. We have a lot of family and friends that support us. I talk to them all the time but yet I can't help but feel alone. They try to help in what ever way that they can and we appreciate everything. It's hard to explain to them the feelings that I am feeling when they have not been down this road. I myself had no idea till we were told. A moment that I will never forget. The look on my husbands face and the look he gave me. Hoping that my husband is able to go on our cruise. We leave October 28 for the Bahamas. 7 days of fun and just the two of us. We have already went to New York City and went to the Statue of Liberty and the 911 Memorial. Things that were on his bucket list. My husband is a retired Navy Senior Chief. He served for 20 years and this was important to him to see. He also went with his dad to a Nascar race. This cruise is just another thing we want to do. Memories that will always be in my heart. You have never met me but you were right on about the feeling of grief. I am so sorry about you mom has to know these feelings. I am sad, mad, grief all mixed up into one. I keep it to myself so I can stay possitive for my husband. Taking your advice and going on date night tomorrow night. Dinner and some shopping for clothes for our cruise. May god bless you and your family. Kerry

RE: I am so scared!

by kerryfriend on Fri Sep 21, 2012 02:05 AM

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Thank you all so much! I needed some uplifting. I will pray for you all and your family's. God bless.

RE: I am so scared!

by bestfriendmom on Fri Sep 21, 2012 04:13 PM

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I read all the postings and your response at the end.  My mom is in what they call NED (no evidence of disease). She has battled this cancer since December of 2011.  We were fortunate that she was able to have the Whipple Procedure and that the doctor that did was one of the best in the country.  I know what you mean about feeling alone.  I lost my husband to Marfan's when I waa very young and the thing that I missed most was just being together.  Towards the end of his illness, he also slept alot from the pain meds and I missed the time that we would spend together just being together.  I hope that you will be able to go on your cruise and really enjoy. You are in my prayers.

RE: I am so scared!

by midge46 on Fri Sep 28, 2012 09:31 PM

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I know where you are coming from.  My husband was diagnosed with st. 3 almost a year ago.  Had radiation, chemo, then Whipple in Jan.  Just finished 6 more months of Gemcide and we were told 10 days ago it has quit working.  They plan to start the Folfox soon.  We went to Fl. for a week just to relax and run away.  Got back last night and not sure if we are ready for reality.  No one gives us a time frame just keep saying not good news.  His cancer count has more then doubled in 6 weeks.  If your husband is able do some things as this is the time.  We have been married 44 years and I feel your pain. 

RE: I am so scared!

by MiracleMarty on Thu Oct 04, 2012 04:42 PM

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I have stage 4B pancreatic cancer with metastasis to the liver. I had the whipple surgery in March of 2011 and started chemo. I am feeling grrreat and my cancer markers are in the normal range. I was given an option to stop chemo for a while but I chose to remain on it. I started out on three chemos which were cisplatin, gemcitabine and FU5. They dropped cisplatin because they worried about side effects. I continued on gemcitabine and FU5 for quite awhile. I am on a chemo pills now which are called Xeloda. My last 2 CT scans showed no cancer. My doctors are amazed. God bless you. My prayers are with you. If you have any questions feel free to contact me. Miracle Marty

RE: I am so scared!

by moomydahlgren on Sat Oct 06, 2012 01:44 PM

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I think you are doing fine, being strong, using your resources.  But your 4 word sentence says it all! Everyone wants to help, pray, and support which is awesome.  However when I was going through it, I just would tremble with fear, and had many moments when I felt that the word Cancer made everthing around me crumble, even with my family there, living their lives, they werent being suffocated, and that is scarey.  So know it is something we all feel, and wish we could take from you.  The other posters had some great ideas, for me Id make myself find something that would distract me. Hang in there!

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