Carole, I know exactly what you mean. Like a bolt out of the blue this came, I was shocked, could hardly believe it, I too all of a sudden felt very vunerable...and very mortal. Unless you've been hit over the head with something like this, no one can really understand how it changes things. Even now, seven years after my diagnosis, and way past any reasonable possibility of recurrance, I still am paranoid. Every twinge I get, I think OMG THIS COULD BE IT. Well, OK, over time it has lightened up quite a bit.....but it's still there on some level and I guess it's fair to say it always will be. I am not the same person. I am doing great, I love my life, I am happy...but I have had a brush with something that touched me deeply.
And trying to find a reaon why/how you got this cancer? There often is no answer. Just s**t happens. :/
When I was diagnosed, there was no board like this one, or at least it didn't turn up in my searches. I felt so alone. Hardly no one, including me, ever even heard of gall bladder cancer. such a relief to find others! It's helped me immeasurably. However, I don't visit much any more, unless I get a notification via email, that someone has posted on the same thread. Then I read and often respond. I used to volunteer for the Bloch Cancer hotline out of Kansas City (I think) -- people who call in who have GBS were referred to me, with my permission, and I'd take it from there, but I don't do that much any more, either.
Anyway, happy to connect with you!!!
---m