My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

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My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by jo2210 on Sun Feb 24, 2013 06:20 AM

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I've never posted in one of these threads before, and just reading other peoples' experiences has given me strength. I'm 18 years old, and I'm a freshman in college. 9 months ago my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I would do anything, absolutely anything to help her. The helplessness I feel is overwhelming sometimes. 

The doctors are optimistic for my mom. But it's cancer. You never know. My senior year of high school, one of my favorite teachers ever passed away from cancer. She kept teaching us up until it was physically impossible for her. I watched someone that I care about deteriorate, and someday I'm going to have to watch the person I love the most go down that same road. And frankly, I'm not strong enough for that. The day of my teacher's funeral, I went to the funeral and my mom went to a doctors appointment. That was the day my mom was diagnosed. 

I want my mom around because I want to be able to hug her and tell her how much I love her everyday. I want to be able to pick up a phone and call her for advice or just to hear her voice. She deserves all the time in the world. She deserves the time to travel. She deserves to have the experience of being a grandmother and watching her own children grow up. She deserves to spend many, many more years with my father. I just don't understand why this happened to her of all people. She's always had such a great appreciation for nature, science, learning, and just life in general!  

I've only told a few people at my college about it. Once in a while, I talk to them briefly about it, but they don't understand and I don't want to burden them. So I feel alone, I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to go home. I want my mom to be okay. I'd give anything. 

Anyways, the main point of this is, when my mom was on chemo, for some reason, I was more optimistic than I am now. The chemo was killing the cancerous cells. She finished 12 rounds of chemo a few months ago. If the cancer is going to come back, it will come back now. I'm finding it more and more difficult to focus in class. This is always on my mind, and I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for...I don't know, living in the present. Learning to take one day at a time. Thanks for listening/reading. I realize this has all been one long rant, but it feels good to finally let it out. 

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by eternalife on Sun Feb 24, 2013 03:47 PM

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Hello Jo,

Knowing your mom is facing cancer is very difficult. I was in my 20s when my dad developed brain cancer and I saw the struggle. There is nothing we can say or do to chase the cancer beast away.. you are right to have your feelings.. you have not mentioned what type of cancer your mom has? When was she diagnosed? What are the doctors telling you? These are questions you need to ask? Are you an only child? You need to talk out your anger and denial with a health care practitioner... do you have any access to your own medical attention... this is not an easy road for you.

My husband currently has stage iv EC and I am walking the road again... I pray a lot and ask for a healing.. God has a plan for all of us... Take one day at a time and you will get throught there is no option B.

Best

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by PopPop on Sun Feb 24, 2013 03:47 PM

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jo2210,

I am sorry that you have to be here at all, and that your Mother has to travel this road. I don't have great words of wisdom to offer you, but only my own expereince.

41 years ago, I lost my mother to cancer shortly after returning from Vietnam. Like you, my mind was a cloud, why her? how? she is still young. All kinds of things were in my head. When she died, it was a terrible loss for us as she was the glue that held us together.

Your Mom is still in the fight, so until someone states otherwise, think positive each day, it's not an easy thing, but try.  I still talk with my Mother daily. I try to do the right thing each day because I would like her to be proud of me. I may not be able to pick the phone up and speak with her, but all the fond memories of any time that we had are still fresh in my mind.

I know it is a task on your part, but you will have to continue on at what you are doing and give your Mom good reports from school. Visit when you can, I am sure you tell her you love her, that is what keeps her going.

Another thing, come here to Vent when ever you want, that is why we are here, to listen and so you can get your thoughts out, to relieve some of the doubts and tension.

My Best to You, Your Mom and Everyone Here

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by samme on Sun Feb 24, 2013 05:17 PM

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Hey Jo,

Im in the same boat as you. Im a senior in high school and my Dad was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer over the summer. He went through 9 rounds of chemo and a surgery which took out his bladder, prostate and rectum. He recently had an infection and was back in the hospital. Now he is in bed and not moving much. Like yourself, with chemo we had more hope and confidence because at times they seemed awake and able to go around. But trust me it will get better. Ever since the begining of this whole journey, I would tell myself,"Everything happens for a reason." I still believe that. I know my Dad and your Mom are great people and dont deserve this, and noone does, but it will hopefully make us all stronger. Messege me if you want to talk. I've been on here for a while and it really does help!! Hope everything turns out ok.

-Sam

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by kerdes on Sun Feb 24, 2013 06:17 PM

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I am 41 and my husband has stage IV colon cancer and I feel exactly the same way you do.  I am supposed to be the adult and the strong one, but that seems impossible.  I have two daughters 11 and 15 and sometimes I think they are handling things better thatn I am.  I wish I has something to say to help you, I am going to try counsuling, maybe you should too.

Kerry

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by StripeySocks on Sun Jun 16, 2013 09:39 PM

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I'm also 18, my mum died of cancer last month. She found out last September, and we're told it was terminal. We all felt useless, but the best you can do is stay positive, just being there for her is what matters, keeping her strong. I find sometimes it seems people give up when they find out they have cancer and just stop fighting. Always let her know how much you love her!

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by AlvinLamar on Tue Jun 18, 2013 09:57 AM

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On Jun 16, 2013 9:39 PM StripeySocks wrote:

I'm also 18, my mum died of cancer last month. She found out last September, and we're told it was terminal. We all felt useless, but the best you can do is stay positive, just being there for her is what matters, keeping her strong. I find sometimes it seems people give up when they find out they have cancer and just stop fighting. Always let her know how much you love her!

Don't loose hope think positive, your mom needs you. I know life is not easy but you have face it.

http://www.chesstelecom.com/business-broadband

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by crizchuck on Sat Jul 06, 2013 07:24 AM

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Hi,

My mom has cancer too.. I know its difficult for a son/daughter to accept that their mom had a cancer.. I was in my 4th year in engineering when we found out that my mom has a cancer.. I myself cannot concentrate on exams even to my instructor discussion.. Iv searched a lot of books about cancer and encouragement book .. and it made me lessen my worries, what i did was I spend a lot of time with my mom, I always made her laugh and we always  roam around  treat her like a normal person not a person who have a cancer.. just make her feel happy ..

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by Gracie13 on Fri Jul 26, 2013 11:06 AM

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On Feb 24, 2013 6:20 AM jo2210 wrote:

I've never posted in one of these threads before, and just reading other peoples' experiences has given me strength. I'm 18 years old, and I'm a freshman in college. 9 months ago my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I would do anything, absolutely anything to help her. The helplessness I feel is overwhelming sometimes. 

The doctors are optimistic for my mom. But it's cancer. You never know. My senior year of high school, one of my favorite teachers ever passed away from cancer. She kept teaching us up until it was physically impossible for her. I watched someone that I care about deteriorate, and someday I'm going to have to watch the person I love the most go down that same road. And frankly, I'm not strong enough for that. The day of my teacher's funeral, I went to the funeral and my mom went to a doctors appointment. That was the day my mom was diagnosed. 

I want my mom around because I want to be able to hug her and tell her how much I love her everyday. I want to be able to pick up a phone and call her for advice or just to hear her voice. She deserves all the time in the world. She deserves the time to travel. She deserves to have the experience of being a grandmother and watching her own children grow up. She deserves to spend many, many more years with my father. I just don't understand why this happened to her of all people. She's always had such a great appreciation for nature, science, learning, and just life in general!  

I've only told a few people at my college about it. Once in a while, I talk to them briefly about it, but they don't understand and I don't want to burden them. So I feel alone, I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to go home. I want my mom to be okay. I'd give anything. 

Anyways, the main point of this is, when my mom was on chemo, for some reason, I was more optimistic than I am now. The chemo was killing the cancerous cells. She finished 12 rounds of chemo a few months ago. If the cancer is going to come back, it will come back now. I'm finding it more and more difficult to focus in class. This is always on my mind, and I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for...I don't know, living in the present. Learning to take one day at a time. Thanks for listening/reading. I realize this has all been one long rant, but it feels good to finally let it out. 

Jo, I'm relatively new to this, just found out two weeks ago about day's lung cancer stage 4. Like you I feel I can't focus on much, I'm 40! And you know I have concluded that it is fear that cripples us, but we can't foresee the future and worrying about it only takes away today's joy. Like everyone who is going through it staying positive and loving is vital. Hang in there, I don't know if you are a religious person but I have been trying to combat fear by looking up the heavens above and sending a prayer. Try it! It gets you through the day! All the best!

RE: My Mom has cancer. I can't focus on anything.

by ally410 on Mon Dec 23, 2013 08:28 AM

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I'm in my 30's and my mom is in her 60's and I feel the exact same way jo.  Thank you for expressing everything I feel.  I want to scream too.

They have not told us what stage her cancer is.  Even though they have done the biopsy, they said that they need to perform surgery to know the stage.  Is that right?  I am so terrified that at any moment they will tell us it is metastatic.

I just found out less than 2 weeks ago about the biopsy, then the results and I am still in shock.  I can't stop crying. I know that no one deserves cancer but my mom is the last person I would have expected... because she is the healthiest eater I know, so conscious of her fruits and vegetables.  She was the family nutritionist telling us which vitamins were in which foods. 

I have tremendous guilt for the stress I have laid on her over all the years of my life...  I think about all that my mom will miss out on and how little time I have to make up for being such a difficult daughter.  I wish I hadn't been so close to her and shared every little stressful event in my life with her.  I feel like I was one of the causes of her cancer.  I'm angry at God, at myself, and the world that someone, some force is trying to take my mom from me.... and I feel so alone.  I don't know how to help her when I'm so afraid.

The helplessness, fear, and guilt is just paralyzing.  I feel like I'm drowning and none of it has even begun.  I don't know where I will find the strength to see her suffer through the surgery, radiation and especially the chemo.  I fear I will just break down in front of her, and she will get more scared from seeing my fear.  My crying does not help her, but I cannot seem to control my tears.

The more research I do, the more it sounds scary and daunting.  The more information I give her to try to prepare her for what's to come, the more I feel like I'm scaring her.  I want to shield her from all that I know about the road ahead, how hard it will be.  But I don't have a good poker face.

I know she needs support, as do I.  English is not her first language so it is harder to find her support but I know that is what she needs.

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