When is enough, enough??

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RE: When is enough, enough??

by lizzi868 on Mon Mar 25, 2013 08:56 PM

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On Mar 15, 2013 5:22 PM NINA78 wrote:

I can only say bear with it and take it in you but have time for yourself to relax.  It is too much but I regert the days I thought of " feeling tired".  She was my mom who else I am going to take care. She was my family.  I miss those days even though it was painful.  I put myself in her shoes and she was the one dying and confine to a bed with no way out. What was I thinking!

Thank you Nina for your words...I never felt like I've been selfish but also never thought of it in this perspective.  I know it's been a while since I posted but here's what the latest is with my mom:

We admitted her on the 8th for the psychosis...they continued to drop her steroids little by little and eventually we made the decision to have a shunt put in to alleviate some of the pressure as she had a lot of spinal fluid buiding up in both her left ventrical and her temporal lobes.  They did the shunt surgery on the 13th.  The hope was that we could continue to drop the decadron to hopefully get some quality days back with mom.  The 14th and 15th were both ok days, 15th was probably the best she had in a couple weeks.  Then that Saturday she quit eating and drinking and communication was minimal at best.  By Tuesday the doctors said there wasn't anything more they could do and that because her body was so young and healthy that she could be in the state she was for a couple more weeks.  Wednesday, the 20th we ended up moving her to a very nice hospice home and she's been here since.  She did end up coming back and eating quite a bit that Tuesday before the move and in to Wednesday.  We had some really good times with her Tuesday night, Wednesday throughout the day, then Thursday and Friday were pretty quiet with minimal eating and drinking, Saturday a friend of mine came out and did a photo shoot with us with her and my kids, my brother and my dad.  Saturday night she got quiet again and yesterday and today have been pretty low key.  The paranoia and dillusion is still there a little bit but nothing out of control like it was.  We're thankful for the good days that God brought us but this waiting game is the worst.  It gives us all comfort that she's been able to be comfortable and not in pain but it's so hard to say goodbye over and over again.  We all still pray for a come back but as the days go on I'm not sure that is going to happen.  Thank you everyone for your support and words.  It's helped a lot in my own therapy in dealing with this.  Everything has gone so fast that it's so hard to accept the reality that just six weeks ago it was only a headache and now the smartest woman I knew is literally on her death bed.  Thank you again and I will update soon.

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