The most stubborn man I know!

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RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by jobruce on Tue Jan 28, 2014 08:19 AM

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Marie55..this board can be a lifeline, can't it? As a caregiver to a terminal husband I find some days are just too hard. I miss our lifestyle and  our routines an our hopes and dreams. Now we live day to day. My husband seems to have withdrawn into his own world, I feel like a widow already. I work part time and try to keep my sorrow inside. It helps so much to know that our tears aren't the only ones that a lot of us have bad days. It teaches me to be kind to myself, take a deep breath and face the next day. Blessings to all caregivers, stay strong.

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by Marie55 on Tue Jan 28, 2014 03:05 PM

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JoBruce, I so relate. my husband also terminal, but still takes Tarceva and not on hospice yet. He has so many complications - feeding tube, voice is almost gone, uses two different types of equipment. Now I am starting to feel he might die of a stroke instead of the cancer. Just a feeling I have been having all week. He still is able to walk pretty well but has feet numbness due to chemo. It is just so heartbreaking to see this once healthy man reduced to sitting in a recliner with so many overwhelming medical problems. I feel he is also in his own world at times just trying to cope. Long conversations don't happen because he doesn't have the breath to do it. We take it day by day and it is a roller coaster ride constantly. Hugs to all the caregivers and may you have a tear free day.

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by mydaughtertina on Tue Jan 28, 2014 03:31 PM

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Sarah

I so agree with you, it is their illness, help them, love them, and help them go on each day. Arguments are over, it is 'time out' forever.

Be patient with your dad he is scared to death. Just love and hold him, as he did when you were a baby.

Prayers,

Bremda

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by jobruce on Wed Jan 29, 2014 06:15 AM

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Marie55, Sounds so much like my hubby. He gets up in the morning I help him with his feed (tube also) then by 11 am he is in his recliner sleeping on and off for th rest of the day. Waking to have a feed every few hours has only sips of water or tea by mouth, nothing else)....he has a very hoarse voice as well and the breathlessness. Any activity starts him coughing. He also has bouts of throwing up bucket fulls of saliva which usually happen during the night. They are going to see if they can stent him, which previously wasn't an option. Don't know what is changing their minds. He complains constantly of pins and needles in feet and hands . Also swelling in both legs, both hands and arm and abdomen. We have a palliative care appt on Friday. As wwe are in Australia, he will stay home as long as possible, pal care makes sure we are coping at home or need help and worse case he would be admitted to palliative care ward. I am 56 and my husband is 58. I know what you mean. My hubby was a solid man, truckdriver by job, and loved his food. Now to see this hollow eyed almost skeleton is just too much to bear at times. Keep strong

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by Marie55 on Wed Jan 29, 2014 06:39 AM

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JoBruce, I think our husbands are going through most of the same symptoms with the feeding tube,my husband has a garbled hoarse voice and how I do miss his beautiful voice. He also has the pins and needles in his feet, sits in recliner most of day and then gets a burst to walk around the back yard. We have a palliative care doctor who can switch over to hospice care when time arises. Yes, lots of salvia, etc. and was told it was because of all the nerve damage in throat area and not able to swallow correctly. My heart is heavy for our men.... Hugs,,,,

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by wildrose on Thu Feb 06, 2014 10:09 PM

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As a caregiver of a husband of a stage 4 on hospice. I can relate to stubborn my husband hasn't gotten out of the bed since he came home in April of last year and said he didn't feel good and in May went to the doctor and was already stage 4 rectal cancer. He keep everything to his self to the point that I believe it was to late by the time he went to the doctor for them to do anything. He only walked into two doctors visits the rest he was in a wheelchair and he hasn't gotten out of our bed in months he stays in the same spot on his back and just watches television and I do everything else for him but stubborn he still is. He can make up more reasons that he can't sit up on the side of the bed or have a aid put him in a wheelchair and help him into the shower chair than you could ever hear. If I can do it then I believe in his mind he thinks that a part of him is doing it also. I have thought so many things through this rollercoaster ride with cancer that I'm begining to wonder if I even know what to think sometimes but I still know stubborn because it brings it out in me and then I don't like myself sometimes when that happens. It seems sometimes as if you have a husband but then you don't have a husband. And then I just want to say to him why did you have to be so stubborn and not go to the doctor earlier. Time is everything in this fight.

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by sharonrrgross on Sun Feb 09, 2014 12:04 AM

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Dear Marie55, My husband Larry has cancer of the tonsils and his lymph nodes are involved. Your story and mine! He to wakes all through the night with buckets of saliva. I got him a suction machine which helps. He still tries to eat without much success. They put in a feeding tube in before he started his treatments which has helped him to maintain a good weight for a man 6'2 1/2". I to have a hard time with this thief called cancer! It is hard to watch a once robust fun loving gentle man go through this nightmare. I sometimes feel guilty and angry. 

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by Marie55 on Sun Feb 09, 2014 06:40 AM

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Sharon, I so relate. My husband just entered hospice. It is so heartbreaking and my tears will not stop... My husband has oxygen now, the vacuum machine which he uses constantly, and the nebulizer. The feeding tube drink causes some of the salvia problems we were told and have to keep making adjustments. He now has a patch on the back of his ear and that is suppose to help with the salvia problem. I can give you the name if you think it will help your husband too. Marie

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by sharonrrgross on Sun Feb 09, 2014 07:41 AM

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Hello Marie...What kind of adjustments have you made to the formula? He says if he could just stop spitting he could handle the rest. My heart breaks for him. He did not want to know what stage his cancer was because he said it would make him feel defeated. He is a strong man who use to tell me the funniest stories and he smiled all the time. No smiles no funny stories. I feel so lonely sometimes. I miss him and he's right here. Yesterday I moved out of our bedroom into the guest room. We've been married for 41 years! I know what you mean about the tears they come at the strangest times. I feel so helpless! I am so sorry we have to go through this. Yes I would like to get the name of the patch. We'll try anything. Sometimes his siliva is so thick its like mucus. Thank you for responding.

RE: The most stubborn man I know!

by Unknown_Member on Sun Feb 09, 2014 06:37 PM

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On Jan 28, 2014 3:31 PM mydaughtertina wrote:

Sarah

I so agree with you, it is their illness, help them, love them, and help them go on each day. Arguments are over, it is 'time out' forever.

Be patient with your dad he is scared to death. Just love and hold him, as he did when you were a baby.

Prayers,

Bremda

I agree...... Arguments are over,it is 'time out' forever. I love this.......just love and hold him,as he did when you were a baby..........so great , thank you for sharing :)
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