Need to cry

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Need to cry

by crayfish on Wed Feb 05, 2014 07:34 PM

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And then comes a time when you "need" to cry and can't. I think I would feel better - though I read where that doesn't really happen.

A little over two years. Guess I'm doing "OK". Think that's what others say about me anyway. I still haven't felt joy but have had times of contentment. I suppose I have gotten use to his physicalness not being here but spiritually he is still with me always. Not that I don't want to see that smile again for real or get a love-hug. I have been very Michaely since December, the 2nd anniversary. I did have three supernatural things happen. Once, he was standing right behind me. That was great - I had thought my allotment of "I'm here" experiences was over. Love never dies.

Today - this past week I need him so bad. I am so depressed. Living in the Midwest, I have been hit with bitter cold and snowstorm after snowstorm. Maybe it's cabin fever hitting me. I work at a school and they have cancelled it so many days - and I don't get paid. When Mike was sick, then passed, I realized that nothing I ever went through from then on would be so horrific. Nothing else really mattered. I was mellow for a long time. Now here I am anxious about money and letting things get to me and make me stressed. I am ashamed of myself for it - and back to being depressed.  He was the one who would sit me down and talk me out of these negative feelings. I am running on the verge of tears. I thought to come here. I read all the esophageal cancer posts, the brain cancer posts and then thru the bereavement posts.  Think I will go curl up in a ball on the floor and see if I can get some of this out of me. I read the post where some of you admitted to this. I did to. In fact, I had a box of Kleenix in the middle of the living room floor for a long time. Got some looks from visitors but nobody questioned it. I just learned to step around it.

Yes, I will get some Kleenix and a blankie and lie on the floor with my dog and see if I can't cry off and pray out of this.

Dear people - it is so very, very sad that you are hurting, too.

Love to all - Cray

RE: Need to cry

by wildrose on Wed Feb 05, 2014 08:32 PM

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My heart goes out to you. I have always been one that crying was something that I didn't do often but now it seems as if it comes around quite often for me. Somedays I just let it flow or sometimes I will take an anxiety pill depending on the thing that is causing my stress. But crying is always a good thing my mother couldn't cry and she had many mental problems for years bless her heart she is gone now. Me sometimes I cry because I'm overwhelmely sad about something that I have no control over like my husbands cancer. And other times I cry because I'm mad and those are the crying times that everyone had better watch out for. During these times I can get pretty radical about things you better see it my way or get out of my way lol. My last good crying spell was a few weeks ago when the men in the house told me not to get so upset over things LOL and neither one of them could help the problems anyway so don't tell me not to cry or take a pill to stop crying best to just leave me alone. So Honey what ever makes it for you if it is boxes of tissue in every room in the middle of the floor the house is yours and do it and your experiences I pray that love never dies for you it can I suspect be very comforting. So hang in there any way you can because it will be the right way because it's your way.

take care

wildrose

RE: Need to cry

by SarahGrey on Wed Feb 05, 2014 10:36 PM

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Hi Cray,

I remember you...  

Thank you for posting this and sharing...  I did smile at the thought of the tissue box being in the middle of the living room floor.  You're right, so many people probably wondered why you didn't pick it up after you "dropped" it.  ;)  It's funny what we do and what we need to do for comfort.  I'm glad no one bothers me and wants to come over.  I'm not sure my "museum" of my husband's pictures in the bedroom would go over well.  Probably there'd be some raised eyebrows.  ;)  But whatever, those pictures comfort me more than words can express and we each need to do what we need to do, to get through each day...

Thank you for sharing about your "supernatural things" that happened.  Well, you shared one amazing one and I won't press to find out the other two.  (though it would be amazing to hear about them as well!)  ;)

And you brought me comfort, knowing that if I'm still here 2 years out, that it doesn't mean my husband won't be able to stay with me for that long.  I've often pondered if they can only stay a short while?..  :(    

Also, I was thinking - perhaps it will comfort you also to maybe focus on the thought that this is all temporary?  Especially if you're getting signs like you are - you have no doubt there is more after this life.  So you know you'll be with him again.  Maybe try to focus on that and it might help you to suffer a little less right now...  Hopefully :(    Honestly, that's just what helps me each day...

Thanks again for posting/sharing with everyone - it means a lot!

Sarah

RE: Need to cry

by Melissa37920 on Wed Feb 05, 2014 11:45 PM

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I am sorry for your loss. That dreadful disease is such a nightmare. It took my mother from me almost 2 years ago (March 17, 2012). She was 57 years old and passed of stage 4 metastasized pancreatic cancer. I have those random times where grief overwhelms me like nothing else. It's impossible to keep in the emotion and not let it out sometimes, whether that is to cry or to talk with someone. I hope you know that there are truly people out there who care..and again, I am sorry for your loss. Blessings to you.

RE: Need to cry

by RobinMB on Thu Feb 06, 2014 03:00 AM

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So much of what all of you have expressed is how many of us live day in and day out -- the Kleenex all over the place, the many pictures of our loved ones all over the walls and house, the inability to cry because there are no more tears, the stress of money problems from, perhaps, medical bills and the loss of income or a change of residence, the loneliness, the hole in our hearts, the insurmountable sadness, and how our lives have changed forever.

So we have to start searching for ways in which we can move forward with our lives.  I'm not saying we should forget about our loved ones, but I know our loved ones would never want us to have the burden of this incredible sadness.  I think we have to be creative to develop strategies that will help us feel alive again. 

I have grandchildren.  I want to keep the memory of my husband (their grandpa) alive.  I find happiness in telling them stories about their grandpa--the things he loved to do, how much he loved them, the way he respected nature, how much he loved to go fishing, how he loved to joke around and how hard he worked to take care of his family.  It's bittersweet at times, but it makes me smile sometimes too.  The kids love hearing the stories, and I know this would make my husband happy.  Maybe we could honor our loved ones by practicing some of their good habits--being thoughtful, giving bear hugs, writing a letter to someone telling them how special they are to us, or dancing in the rain.  

"Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.  And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance--I HOPE YOU DANCE."

You're all in my heart,

Robin

RE: Need to cry

by Unknown_Member on Thu Feb 06, 2014 05:48 AM

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On Feb 06, 2014 3:00 AM RobinMB wrote:

So much of what all of you have expressed is how many of us live day in and day out -- the Kleenex all over the place, the many pictures of our loved ones all over the walls and house, the inability to cry because there are no more tears, the stress of money problems from, perhaps, medical bills and the loss of income or a change of residence, the loneliness, the hole in our hearts, the insurmountable sadness, and how our lives have changed forever.

So we have to start searching for ways in which we can move forward with our lives.  I'm not saying we should forget about our loved ones, but I know our loved ones would never want us to have the burden of this incredible sadness.  I think we have to be creative to develop strategies that will help us feel alive again. 

I have grandchildren.  I want to keep the memory of my husband (their grandpa) alive.  I find happiness in telling them stories about their grandpa--the things he loved to do, how much he loved them, the way he respected nature, how much he loved to go fishing, how he loved to joke around and how hard he worked to take care of his family.  It's bittersweet at times, but it makes me smile sometimes too.  The kids love hearing the stories, and I know this would make my husband happy.  Maybe we could honor our loved ones by practicing some of their good habits--being thoughtful, giving bear hugs, writing a letter to someone telling them how special they are to us, or dancing in the rain.  

"Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.  And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance--I HOPE YOU DANCE."

You're all in my heart,

Robin

Beautiful post !!!!!! :) Carolyn

RE: Need to cry

by KellyC on Sat Feb 08, 2014 03:21 PM

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Thanks for the post, Cray.  I cried for you this morning. I cry for myself quite often and inappropriately too.  I don't know which is more painful, crying or not crying, that is the question.

I also find myself hugging people that should never get a hug either. Go figure!?!?  Probably because I miss my husband's love hugs too.

So...you'll get wisdom and empathy from Sarah Grey but she is not a hugger. Here's a big virtual hug from me.  It's not the same as a hubby hug.  If you do decide to start hugging, watch out for the gardeners.  They look at you funny.

((((Big Hug))))

KellyC

RE: Need to cry

by mydaughtertina on Sat Feb 08, 2014 03:43 PM

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My beautiful 40 year young daughter passed away 5/30/13 from colon cancer with mets to the liver. I am so heartbroken and lonesome without her, she was my heart, my life and reason for living. I will probably cry for the rest of my life but that is the way it is, some days are just impossible and I don't want to go on, I just want to be with Tina. By accident I found this great site on 'grief' www.recover-from-grief.commaybe it will help some of us here on the site, it helped me and my son in law, but life cannot ever be the same for us. Good luck. Brenda

RE: Need to cry

by RobinMB on Sat Feb 08, 2014 05:40 PM

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Brenda,

Please tell us more about Tina.  By doing so, maybe it will help you feel better.  The deep love you have for your daughter is because she was, obviously, very special.  Some mothers and daughters never have that close relationship.

A counselor once told me, "Yes, you are going to cry".  She told me to try to limit the amount of time that I cry.  Let's say, no more than twenty minutes a day.  This helped me.  I hope it helps you in some way. 

You can also try this strategy.  When you are crying, switch your activity to something that requires your complete attention (like paying bills -- uggh), but it actually works.  You have to focus your attention on something else and it helps the tears to stop flowing.

You will be with Tina again some day.  In the mean time, talk to her, tell her about your day, tell her about how much you love her, and remind her about the good times you had together.  Read some of the great books out there that will reassure you about heaven.  Here are a few titles to get you started:  Proof of Heaven and Heaven is for Real.

I wish you peace, Brenda!  I am here for you.

Robin

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