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People Suck

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People Suck

by Glitzy12944 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 03:24 AM

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Someone told me today that some of our friends are "put off" by how I am dealing with my grief.  That because I look put together and smile and laugh that I don't miss my husband and I'm not sad.  Who would say such a thing?  Of course I miss my husband, every single second of every single freaking day.  And just because I'm not crying in the produce section of the grocery store, doesn't mean that on the inside I'm not sad.  I know it's people talking who didn't come by or know the whole story, but it still sucks to hear it being sad.  And by people I thought were close friends.  

RE: People Suck

by sue1234 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 03:27 AM

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Glitzy, I'm so sorry. Grief has no timeline or written directions. It is a personal, private, painful experience. I can't believe that anyone feels that way. Good bless you.

RE: People Suck

by Unknown_Member on Mon Mar 31, 2014 03:36 AM

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Glitzy I learned along time ago what people think .......is the least of YOUR problems. You know your heart and so does Our lord and that's all that is important !!!!!! carolyn

RE: People Suck

by Dlynn1210 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 03:59 AM

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Carolyn is absolutely right - the only person you have to be concerned with is you.  People deal with grief in different ways.  I would hope that your close friends who are expressing concerns are doing so because they feel as if you are handling your husband's death too well - possibly holding everything inside -  even if that is not the case. 

Diana 

RE: People Suck

by PunkyD on Mon Mar 31, 2014 12:53 PM

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Dear Glitzy,

Like the others..........pay no attention to what others think.  This is where you find out who your real friends are. A person can never read someone else's mind or thoughts or put themselves in your shoes. When I look at someone and have an opinion about them, I always try to remember that we never really know the whole story.  So I shouldn't judge.  It sounds to me like you are dealing with your grief amazingly, and whatever is right for you, that's the only thing that matters. Hang in there.

Punky

RE: People Suck

by eternalife on Mon Mar 31, 2014 01:30 PM

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You are doing just great!!! I have one person that told me , I am not crying of feeling what she would say is the regular way of grieving... I refuse to say normal way of grieving.. there is no normal.. everyone experiences it differently with different stories... my husband was young like yours and was angry about dying.. he was fighting til the end.. there was not the lovey dovey story you so often hear about.. that's ok.. he was his own person and God had a plan for him... I will not pretend it all went well in the end... You have faced your own trials and now to have others being critical on your new life.. to heck with that ... God hears your pain and walk in the light.. the truth will set you free, my friend...

Be the salt and light to the world... John Paul 11

May God bless you !!

RE: People Suck

by billyj on Mon Mar 31, 2014 01:39 PM

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Very well said,as people do have their own way of grieving.

RE: People Suck

by carrieg55 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 04:36 PM

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To hell with them if they can say something that mean then you don't need them, there is a saying I live by it goes like this:

When people show you who they are believe them.....and believe them the first time.

If they weren't there for you then I would say they weren't really a friend, when the rubber meets the road that's when you know who your friends are.

I am guessing they never were a caregiver or lost a loved one to cancer? they have no idea how much we are grieving through this whole journey, we are grieving as soon as we or our loved ones are given the diagnosis "you have cancer"

RE: People Suck

by Dlynn1210 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 06:04 PM

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It has been almost twenty years but I still remember how people reacted once we had been told my husband was terminally ill.  I was extremely hurt when so many family and friends disappeared into the woodwork before and after he passed away.  Twenty years later I realize that very often it isn't that people don't care but that they don't know how to deal with it or express themselves.  How do you say "Get well soon" when you know that isn't going to happen.  

During my treatment I arrived at Chicago Midway Airport where CTCA was waiting for patients.  Three of us were waiting on the fourth and final patient due to arrive soon.  The driver from CTCA was holding up a sign "C T C A".  One man came over laughing and asked if that meant "Come To Chicago Again"!  When I told him what it really meant, he backed up so fast that he nearly tripped over his own feet.  He didn't know how to cover up for his words so instead chose to get out of town fast (or wish he could).  As one person said, once you have experienced cancer - as a patient or caregiver, it is much easier to understand the reactions of others.  It isn't right by any means but does explain their behavior.

Diana 

Diana      

RE: People Suck

by rdrew79 on Mon Mar 31, 2014 07:02 PM

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People can be mean and cruel, it's true. You are better than them because you would never say something so inconsiderate to someone else in your position. You grieve however you need to. There is a quote by Rumi which states Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form. Find your solace and your peace and don't let anyone take that from you.

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