Are you feeling blue today?

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Are you feeling blue today?

by eternalife on Mon May 26, 2014 09:40 PM

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Hi all,

As I write this I have just waved good bye to my son, who was with me after  he had a minor surgery... recovering at my houses....  He lives over 2 hours away, I felt immediately sad as I returned to my new " normal " life...the alone time returns ... :( I thoroughly enjoyed the last 5 days, playing momma, cooking for him and helping him along, yet when he left, it felt like my world just fell apart again. Now I have engaged in volunteering and keeping busy, but that does not complete me... we are all just human with thoughts and feelings... it will be 10 months tomorrow and maybe that is just a reminder to me.. that while the time has passed the hurt remains... life will never be the same, my husband, my friend is gone...

I thought I had been making strides .. somehow it all came back , the passing of Mark and what must be...this bereavement process is tough...

Do you have these sensations??? Hard to put into words... it is just the emptiness... that comes with the loss .

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by RobinMB on Mon May 26, 2014 11:34 PM

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Unfortunately, our world changes profoundly when we lose the one we love.  It's almost as if I feel as though I'm not really participating in life.  I mean:  I go to work, I clean my house, my kids visit and family/friends stays in contact, but there's still a void that can't be filled.  I go through the motions.  Oh, and I sleep A LOT.  I think it's my way of avoiding life.  This seems like a horrible way to continue to go through life.  But, what else can we do? 

Work and volunteering definitely help.  I also read many books on grief and being a widow.  It's all still a shock to me (5 months now).  My husband was always in perfect health.  I just always assumed I would pass before him.  I still cry EVERY SINGLE DAY because I miss him terribly.  It's incredibly lonely.  And, no one can take his place or fill the void.  I miss the laughter we shared and I miss his hugs and kisses. 

We are strong women and we will survive.  But, I truly wish it didn't have to be this way.  It's too bad we have to endure this sadness.  There are so many of us on this website, and all of us share the same emptiness. 

There is one thing that makes me feel better.  It is knowing that I always tried to be the best wife I could be and I did the very best I could to care for my husband when he was ill.

I pray for God to be kind to us.  I pray so he will replace our sadness with joy. 

Hope tomorrow is a better day!!!

Robin

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by eastwest on Tue May 27, 2014 01:11 PM

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Eternalife    Things are so different being widowed. Such a void. I know I told my younger son a couple months after Phil died that I had lost a huge part of my identity. I hated all the changes that came with it even simple ones. I remember finishing that tube of toothpaste we had both used and I had to throw it away. Crazy how the simple changes would affect me. I latched onto my younger son and grandkids and started to feel like a lost puppy following them. But they had some needs at the time also so it worked out.  I am finally trying to branch out and seek balance on my own. Grandkids are 15 and 11 now and need less of my time. Irene

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by angel1959 on Tue May 27, 2014 01:56 PM

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My Baby just finished high school and got her diplomia on Saturday the 24th we just moved the 17th of May for the 3rd time in a year I lost my husband going on 19 months the 30th of may She wants a life of her own with her BF So much has changed I am thinking of getting her setteled and moving out on my own just my dog and cat to NC with my brother and starting over fresh but it is just so hard yesterday was hard but my little sister knew and God knew and he sent her to visit me and have a cookout and it made me feel better after 31 years of knowing my husband and being married just 2 months shy of 31 my life will never be the same like Robin i go to bed early and just pass time away I don't cry like i did in the begining i am just tring to live with it so i know how you feel such a big loss in our life and really hard to start over as 1 

DharmaGirl DharmaGirl
(Inactive)

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by DharmaGirl on Tue May 27, 2014 04:45 PM

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 "Do you have these sensations??? Hard to put into words... it is just the emptiness... that comes with the loss ."

Yes , just when you think you are somewhat ok it hits you . I have been going through and shredding my mom's papers , medical records, legal documents, social security statements etc and it has brought me to tears. I have come across pieces of paper with her handwriting on them and in her wallet her drivers licence. Sad . The bereavement process is indeed tough.

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by Ozgirl on Tue May 27, 2014 10:25 PM

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Despite the fact I am writing this from a very comfortable hotel room in Lithuania...it's crappy!! When I booked this trip 8 months ago, I thought I'd be fine by now...WRONG...but we plod along. Other widows on this trip - no, it's not a widow's convention! - are astounded that I've been able to come away by myself so (relatively) soon. It's just sad, I miss my travel buddy, but I'm managing to enjoy myself...I think, as I wipe away tears...yet again:(

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by SarahGrey on Wed May 28, 2014 12:20 AM

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Yup, it's definitely getting a bit worse for me...  As the season is changing and spring/summer is nearly here, it's starting to hurt more and more.  Couples are out and about everywhere - and yet I am alone.  And also, whereas in the past we'd be planning/counting down our vacations, now what is there to look forward to?  Heck, even just going for walks outside, going to the park, just sitting on the porch outside...  All of that has been taken from me.  From us...  :(   

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by eternalife on Wed May 28, 2014 02:00 AM

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As I read all the posts , I realize that we are truly not alone as widows, we share a common bond... we are strong women, who have to make it on our own.. through thick and thin... as my husband told me on the last Valentine's day we shared, he wrote in the card he gave me, thanks for being there for me through think and thin.... then he wrote Love you forever.. that was 5 months before he died... at that time... he still didn't believe he would die.. we had returned from a 3 week trip to Florida.. everything was looking ok.. with him.. we had that thought that maybe he would escape the death sentence.. and then.... well.. slowly at first he showed signs of decline and then after a few months.. all hell broke loose and it was a rapid downhill slide... we all have our own personal stories how we spent our last days, hours , minutes with our husbands... we can retrace the time in our heads... but we can't bring back the person.. he will slowly fade and as we get older the love, the good times, the special moments will begin to feel less of our reality.. how tragic this story of loss... can we write a sequel... a better story than this , I am somewhat doubtful... nothing will replace the memories , the special times... and so we must learn to take nothing for granted , to live in the moment, to not waste time of frivolity... to celebrate with friends and family... our lives are precious.. I just wish somehow.. our husbands' lives had been more precious... and that they would not have gone the way they did....

Praying for all of us.. to learn to stop crying, to stand up and scream... we are worth it.. we deserve better....

Best

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by Melissa37920 on Wed May 28, 2014 02:51 AM

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I feel blue thinking of upcoming events that some very special people to me won't be here to celebrate. For instance, my grandfather's 83rd birthday would be coming up on June 7th. He has been in Heaven for a year, with his wife (my grandmother), and his daughter (my mom). I miss not having any grandparents anymore- at 23 years old and having lost all four grandparents as well as my mom..I feel like a good portion of my family is already gone. Aside from my grandfather's upcoming birthday, my mom would be celebrating a birthday this coming July if she were alive..her 60th. Some days it is just so hard to realize I can't pick up the phone and call them, I can't run downstairs and tell my mom I love her..I can't do any of the things my heart aches to be able to do again..and reality has a way of smacking me in the face sometimes. I miss them so much..

RE: Are you feeling blue today?

by Larabee44 on Wed May 28, 2014 03:06 AM

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On May 28, 2014 2:51 AM Melissa37920 wrote:

I feel blue thinking of upcoming events that some very special people to me won't be here to celebrate. For instance, my grandfather's 83rd birthday would be coming up on June 7th. He has been in Heaven for a year, with his wife (my grandmother), and his daughter (my mom). I miss not having any grandparents anymore- at 23 years old and having lost all four grandparents as well as my mom..I feel like a good portion of my family is already gone. Aside from my grandfather's upcoming birthday, my mom would be celebrating a birthday this coming July if she were alive..her 60th. Some days it is just so hard to realize I can't pick up the phone and call them, I can't run downstairs and tell my mom I love her..I can't do any of the things my heart aches to be able to do again..and reality has a way of smacking me in the face sometimes. I miss them so much..
Hi. I'm so sorry for your loss!! I feel your heartache. I lost my Dad a month ago. My Grandparents are gone too. I'm 34 but it doesnt matter what age you are, it still hurts like nothing else! It's hard to talk about because I feel like I am being a burden to people.. Sending love, hugs and prayers to you!! Laura (Canada)
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