Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

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Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by eternalife on Fri Jul 25, 2014 02:06 PM

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Hi all,

so many on this thread express how hard it is to go day to day without their spouse. I can relate, it will be a year in a few days for me. While I prided myself initially having to work through all the paperwork and estate matters, the dust is settling and the reality that my husband is truly not going to walk through the door again, tears at my heart... we did everything together . I have been having more pity parties lately as I look around and see couples and life in general, part of me feels like my world just collapsed. I push on to believe that things will get better over time, but no one can turn the page for me.. I have to do this...

Does anyone have any good books to suggest that will get me back on track and out of this funk....

Take care, one day at a time.

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by Ozgirl on Sat Jul 26, 2014 03:57 PM

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Hi eternalife, no suggestions of book titles sorry. We're a day apart aren't we so Ii just thought I'll be keeping you in my thoughts over the next few days. One year...we made it!! It still seems unbelievable at times...so weird. I'm working on the anniversary day but I've decided to take it off next year. When I returned to work 2 months after my husband's death - I'd been off for the 13 months since diagnosis - I set myself the goal to not take a day off for a full 12 months. That way I reassured myself that although I felt so appalling, I was still able to function. Aaaah...the games we have to play...Take care

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by eternalife on Sun Jul 27, 2014 01:08 AM

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Hi Ozgirl,

Yes you and I are in the same mindset right now, it will be one year tomorrow for me... aww... I was at Mass tonight and saw a man by himself.. I thought perhaps he was a widower.. anyway his grandkids arrived and yellled out Papa.. he smiled then I believe it was his daughter and her husband who joined him in the pew... no wife... before the Mass over he walked out with tears in his eyes... I could not help but think that we have something in common .... perhaps he had lost his wife too and just couldn't stay . I will never know... just a thought... how many more people are out there like us.. .existing now without our beloved spouses...

it all ended so quickly for us... take care friend , we have survived the year , hoping we will develop the tools to keep going stronger every day....

Best

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by carrieg55 on Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:58 AM

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On Jul 27, 2014 1:08 AM eternalife wrote:

Hi Ozgirl,

Yes you and I are in the same mindset right now, it will be one year tomorrow for me... aww... I was at Mass tonight and saw a man by himself.. I thought perhaps he was a widower.. anyway his grandkids arrived and yellled out Papa.. he smiled then I believe it was his daughter and her husband who joined him in the pew... no wife... before the Mass over he walked out with tears in his eyes... I could not help but think that we have something in common .... perhaps he had lost his wife too and just couldn't stay . I will never know... just a thought... how many more people are out there like us.. .existing now without our beloved spouses...

it all ended so quickly for us... take care friend , we have survived the year , hoping we will develop the tools to keep going stronger every day....

Best

It's funny how in tune we are with loss not only our own but for others. When I joined a bereavement group I had to meet with a grief counselor one on one  for the first 3 sessions, I usually arrived a few minutes early while I waited outside in the lobby I saw the door open and a man stepped out he was about my age he looked like he had been crying my heart sunk I knew he was there because he had lost someone my heart went out to him. 

Carrie

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by eternalife on Sun Jul 27, 2014 02:55 PM

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Yes Carrie, I agree something good has come from this struggle and loss , I am more sensitive to the emotional signs of others and respond easily. I pray that all of us will appreciate the gift of life , walk in the light and not in the dark and live each day fully according to the will of God.

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by Marie55 on Sun Jul 27, 2014 04:36 PM

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Yes, our world is upside down. Still trying to come to grips with the weekends and how alone I feel. It was always such a fun time to be with my husband. No family around and friends seem to be busy with their husbands. Need to find support for the weekend. During the week, so much easier. Any one else in this boat? Books --- Grieving the Loss of a Loved One - N. Norman Wright Life Lessons - Elizabeth Kuber Ross and David Kessler Seven Choices - Elizabeth Neeld One Last Hug Before I Go - Willis-Brandon Saying Goodbye to Someone You Love - Norine Dresser HealingmGrief, Finding Peace - Lagrand Stunned by Grief - Judy Brizendine Healing After Loss - Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief - Martha Hickman (wonderful for your nightstand and a daily read)

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by Glitzy12944 on Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:04 PM

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I really like Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen.  You may not be there yet, but it helps for the days when I feel like wanting to be out in the light.  I also love C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed which I found to be very insightful.  

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by Marie55 on Mon Jul 28, 2014 03:46 AM

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Yes, definitely Second Firsts. Amazing book, and it is on my nightstand too. Amazon sells it. She also has a website and her messages stream through Facebook. She gets it because she was widowed in her mid-30's with two young girls. xox

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by eternalife on Mon Jul 28, 2014 09:10 PM

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Thanks ladies.... lots of reading now... I am meeting another widow for tea / coffee tonight and will pass these book titles along to her....

for advice on getting through the weekends, Marie.. I face the same thing... everyone I go I see couples , families and people laughing enjoying the moment.. I have to ask myself why don't I feel the same.... easy answer.. my spouse is no more ... have to re build.. it's like trying to learn to re charge our batteries... except we haven't found any good buys on the batteries.... LOL...

one day at a time, one breath and we don't have to be unhappy for the rest of our lives... if you figure it out.. let me know...

take care,

Best :)..... remember we are trail blazers.. we know something most people have yet to learn... and that is something to be grateful for...

RE: Day by day- it can be so hard- advice on books to read , please

by JackieJo on Mon Jul 28, 2014 09:34 PM

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Since my husband Joe died exactly 3 years ago...July 21, 2011...I have read so many books trying to find my way out of the pain and grief that I was in. None of the books really helped me much. In Dec 2013 I was told that the best book out there was one called Second First's by Christina Rassmussen. I immediately went on Amazon and ordered it. I can honestly say that this book has helped me so much. I still have "hard moments" like the 3 year anniversary of Joe's passing last week and  that's to be expected. I keep Second Firsts on my night stand and re-read certain parts of the book and I feel much better. The author of the book, Christine Rassmussen, lost her husband to cancer in her early 30's (8 years ago) and was a grief counselor at the time. She was devastated by the death of her husband who left her with 2 small children to raise on her own. She took her experience on grieving and struggled to find her way back into life. She was able to get back on her feet and has written this book to help others make it through the loss of a loved one. Her book is highly recommended by medical professionals as well as so many of us who have read her book and found a way to get back into life. You can Google her name and find out more about Christina and her book. She is an amazing woman who had dedicated her life to helping those of us struggling through life after our loses. Its not a magic pill but it sure has help me and so many others. In the book she gives you the tools to handle grief and find your way back into life. My heart goes out to all of us here on CC but there is help. I continue to pray that we all find peace and comfort in the months ahead.

Love, Hugs and Continuing Prayers

JackieJo

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