6 month mark

8 Posts | Page(s): 1 

6 month mark

by Glitzy12944 on Mon Aug 18, 2014 04:19 PM

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I can't believe it's been 6 months.  As much as I didn't want to believe it, it's true what they say, the first year really freaking sucks.  You have to go through all the holidays and birthdays and everything without him.  And I haven't had to go through that.  I am just trying to survive.  Wake up, get out of bed, shower and see where life takes me.  My heart is extra heavy today.  It's weird to think it's been 6 months since I've held his hand or heard his voice.  I have videos, but they are hard to watch.  Every day my son grows more and more to look like the spitting image of my husband.  One of my friends said it best, it's not only about surviving but about sur(thriving).  And how the day only holds the meaning that we give it.  Some of my widow friends post all this stuff on their facebook.  For me, it's more private.  Part of me wants to do something special, the other part, just wants to forget that today means anything at all.  I thought I could beat grief.  Like it was like an illness, but there isn't a way to beat it, like our spouses, only through it.

RE: 6 month mark

by eastwest on Mon Aug 18, 2014 05:02 PM

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Glitzy   If you find the way to beat grief sell it to us, please. While my husband was still alive those last nine months I tried to memorize everything about him. Not sure if that idea was a blessing or curse at least not a first. Both our sons resemble him so I have only to look there and see a huge part of him. I miss the sound of his voice. Wish I had captured that but probably would have worn it out by now.

Those first are so terribly hard also because of the anticipation of them. I know that first Christmas week was because besides that day three days before was our son's bday and the day after was our anniversary plus new years was thrown in too. But somehow you do get through it with lots of prayers and supposrt from wherever you can find it.  Hugs  Irene

RE: 6 month mark

by Marie55 on Wed Aug 20, 2014 03:27 AM

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Oh Glitzy my heart is heavy for you. My husband passed in March and in the months previous to his passing you offered me and all on the Board so much strength. It is hard to believe so many months have gone by now without our husbands at our side. I admire your courage and strength. I joined a support group and that helps a bit, at least a place to go where everyone understands grief. I read this in a book: "If you have been faced with a loss of someone dear to you, imagine that this was that person's time to go. It is the right time, the perfect time. The best way to send your loved one on is to release him or her in peace and total trust to the expert care of the angels." Much peace to you and your precious son... Marie

RE: 6 month mark

by eastwest on Wed Aug 20, 2014 02:06 PM

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Marie   I have found peace in thinking tht no matter what we tried to do, to the best of our human ability, it was Phil's time to leave this physical world with us. Before I accepted that I felt full of guilt that I could have done more.

The serenity prayer has helped me: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.   Irene

RE: 6 month mark

by SarahGrey on Wed Aug 20, 2014 11:05 PM

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Hi Glitzy,

Oh wow, I can't believe it's been 6 months for you...  :(   It's funny how time now both flies and also drags on so painfully slowly at times...

I agree with Marie and Irene - thinking that it was simply my husband's time to be "promoted up" and that there was really nothing I could do to change that, helped/helps me.  I also truly believe my husband was simply too good to stay here...

Wishing everyone well, Sarah

RE: 6 month mark

by LovingMom1 on Thu Aug 21, 2014 01:20 AM

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eastwest, I too have been struggling with accepting that it was my mom's time to be with Him.  I think it's because she was taken from us so quickly last month. And I've been going round and round in my mind about what I could/should have done to help save her life.  It may take a while for me to work out all the possible scenarios before I can fully realize that it was just her time. I hope I will be in a better frame of mind at the 6 month mark. I just want my mom back :(

RE: 6 month mark

by sue1234 on Thu Aug 21, 2014 03:11 AM

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Glitzy, I'm so sorry. Grief is such an individual, private journey. There is no handbook or manual. I have a very dear friend who lost her mom. Her mom was a widow so my friend did everything for her mom. When her mom passed, my friend was devastated. Her sister was "oh well, she had a good life, it was her time, why are you still crying?" Friend was very angry. I told her sister just couldn't cope, didn't want to be bothered, or was selfish. Let sister do what she wants, you grieve for your mom. Everyone is so different. I think it would be harder with children. My husband has his own Facebook page, I update it every day, I put everything out there. We have friends and family all over and it's easier, plus, I express my pain and sadness (I always have someone to talk to in the middle of the night). Cyber hugs for you my dear. 

RE: 6 month mark

by eternalife on Thu Aug 21, 2014 08:50 PM

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Oh Irene, I have tears in my eyes when I read the serenity prayer as Mark gave me it as a plaque that hangs in my house. Last night I prayed it... as it has been just over a year for me and next Tuesday would have been his 58th birthday... :(

I agree we stood by our men and it was their time to go... our time will come eventually... the key is to be ready...

Take care friend and be good to yourself as we do not know the day, time or hour God will call us.

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