Codicil to My Marriage Vows

12 Posts | Page(s): 1 2  Next 

Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by StanToronto on Tue Jul 14, 2015 12:37 AM

Quote | Reply

Wow!! At age 73. What a wonderful life I have been priviledged to enjoy, with the most wonderful wife at my side EVER!!

Although it has only been a month now since she went home; I am not mourning, but rejoicing in the fact that she is in a place where their is no more pain.

Even during her final hours, when she somehow knew this was the end, She clung to me with all of her remaining strength, and wept . . .

                     This is not fair . . .

. . . God is going to take me away without YOU!

We were SO very much in LOVE for all of those 50 years!!!

Who ever came up with the "Love, Honour and Cherish, Until Death do Us Part" nonsense?? Nothing in Scripture supporting anything like that. So . . . unless I receive an objection from a party to this contract, then  I am adding a codicil to my marriage vows, to change the contract to read:

**EVEN** if Death do us part!!

Death, by no means, diminishes  - Love, Honour and Cherish - it only augments it!!

I do not understand those who are able to take on a new marriage partner in the wake of grief. I am not by any means judging them, and in many ways admire their resilience in being able to carry on with new life, while not forgetting the old.

For me, an old guy in his mid seventies, reflecting with gratitude upon 50 years of total perfection, that is more than enough to sustain me until we meet again. I cannot even *THINK* about engaging in a new relationship, without buzz words like betrayal dishonour, cheating and adultry being displayed upon the big screen.

Not everyone agrees with my personal ethic, which is an eternal ethic I have personally chosen for myself and my bride. After 50 years together, I cannot imagine any kind of meaningful future without her by my side.
  
Although I have a rather large, loving supportive multi-generational family who love me, and I love ever so much in return without reservation; no one can ever fill the void that has been left by the absence of my beloved!! In my heart, my vow is FOREVER!!

Cannot wait until we are together again!!

Broken Chain

We little knew that morning
that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,...
in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
you did not go alone;
for part of us went with you
the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
your love is still our guide,
and though we cannot see you,
you are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Stan

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by Fredward on Tue Jul 14, 2015 01:45 AM

Quote | Reply

Stan,

I am so sorry for your loss.

It has been two years since I lost my husband.  

I can honestly say that I am very happy for those who have lost their spouse and are able to find love and marry again.  I wish my neighbor would find someone as she really wants to be with someone again and she did have a very happy marriage.  A friend remarried after the loss of his wife and I happily attended his wedding.  He had a wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman whom he loved dearly.  He has never fogotten her and still honors her but chose to remarry.

However, for myself, I feel as you do.  I am much younger, in my fifties, was married 32 years.  But I just can't imagine being with anybody else.  I, too, would feel as though I were betraying Jim, which of course I would not be.  In all this time, my grief is still pretty raw sometimes.  I don't know if I will ever fully recover.  I feel like we were so cheated.  We weren't even done raising the kids.

I guess when it's all said and done we have to do what is right for us as individuals.  I don't feel there is a right or wrong way to grieve nor do I think there is any right or wrong time frame.  We're all different.

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by StephenS on Wed Jul 15, 2015 02:48 PM

Quote | Reply

Your message was such a welcome one for me.  For while you had six more years than i of the best marriage and partner to share life with at age sixty nine i too can not image another that could ever share the life i have already had.  Thank you for your poem too and words of wisdom.

I will save your words and read them again.  May you still find joy and happiness in life.

 

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by Marie55 on Thu Jul 16, 2015 09:33 PM

Quote | Reply
After just 16 months without my husband, I still feel that deep sense of loss. Today I was deleting photos from ipad because of duplicates on laptop. There was a video that I totally did not know was even there. My husband with the grandkids. We were at Disneyland and taking them on the rides. Then when we were back home where he was out in the yard raking leaves with them. I went to immediate "weeping" seeing the video. I kept stroking the glass of the ipad when I saw his image. My heart still needs to heal. Don't wish this saddness on anyone.

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by gezz58 on Thu Jul 16, 2015 10:16 PM

Quote | Reply

On Jul 14, 2015 12:37 AM StanToronto wrote:

Wow!! At age 73. What a wonderful life I have been priviledged to enjoy, with the most wonderful wife at my side EVER!!

Although it has only been a month now since she went home; I am not mourning, but rejoicing in the fact that she is in a place where their is no more pain.

Even during her final hours, when she somehow knew this was the end, She clung to me with all of her remaining strength, and wept . . .

                     This is not fair . . .

. . . God is going to take me away without YOU!

We were SO very much in LOVE for all of those 50 years!!!

Who ever came up with the "Love, Honour and Cherish, Until Death do Us Part" nonsense?? Nothing in Scripture supporting anything like that. So . . . unless I receive an objection from a party to this contract, then  I am adding a codicil to my marriage vows, to change the contract to read:

**EVEN** if Death do us part!!

Death, by no means, diminishes  - Love, Honour and Cherish - it only augments it!!

I do not understand those who are able to take on a new marriage partner in the wake of grief. I am not by any means judging them, and in many ways admire their resilience in being able to carry on with new life, while not forgetting the old.

For me, an old guy in his mid seventies, reflecting with gratitude upon 50 years of total perfection, that is more than enough to sustain me until we meet again. I cannot even *THINK* about engaging in a new relationship, without buzz words like betrayal dishonour, cheating and adultry being displayed upon the big screen.

Not everyone agrees with my personal ethic, which is an eternal ethic I have personally chosen for myself and my bride. After 50 years together, I cannot imagine any kind of meaningful future without her by my side.
  
Although I have a rather large, loving supportive multi-generational family who love me, and I love ever so much in return without reservation; no one can ever fill the void that has been left by the absence of my beloved!! In my heart, my vow is FOREVER!!

Cannot wait until we are together again!!

Broken Chain

We little knew that morning
that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,...
in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
you did not go alone;
for part of us went with you
the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
your love is still our guide,
and though we cannot see you,
you are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Stan

Beautifull and heartwarming poem and so to the point

many thanks 

gezz

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by morningstar7777 on Thu Jul 16, 2015 10:43 PM

Quote | Reply

How refreshing!!!  I am sooo happy for you.  Not your loss, of course, but the marriage that you can celebrate until you meet again.

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by StanToronto on Fri Jul 17, 2015 01:16 AM

Quote | Reply

From the very first night we spent together in the hospital after Ethel had been diagnosed in pancreatic cancer,
God was already there with us all the way. At the end of the evening, after hours of grave discussion, we noticed that the cover of the book she had been reading, had curled up, revealing Karen Kingsbury's autograph, which she always footnotes with Jer. 29:11. 

What's that? She asked. Looked it up on my tablet:

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Oops but that was only the second half of the paragraph.

All of this occured within a few days of her 71st birthday. The first half of the pararaph was rather clear"

“You will be in exile for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again."

The meaning was clear, and that's what happened. :-( It didn't come as a surprize.

Then when I was sitting in church last Sunday, I noticed that the guy across the aisle, instead of carrying a Bible, was carrying a book tiled "The Harbinger", which aroused my curiosity. So I spend much of the week getting some info on this book. Wow! Was that ever for me!!!

Ever heard of a Shemitah?? Nope . . . neither had I !! The Shemitah has been observed for the past 3500 years, divided into a 7 years where God pours out His blessing on each 7th year of the series. Then there is the Super Shemitach which which occurs at the end of 7 Shemitahs: 7 X 7 = 49 years, which introduces the very special Year of Jubilee!! So . . . how was that going to be meaningful to me??

Well . . . as I worked out the dates etal, at the outset, Ethel went Home in the awesome year of the Shemitach of the 70th year of Jubilee. Wow! And then I checked when we got married: Another WOW! We also got married during the 7th Shemitach of the 69th year of Jubilee!! :-) 49 perfect God-given year of perfect marriage. God had already planned this, before we even arrived on earth. :-)

Am I sometimes sad, and miss her more than I could express? For sure! But in all of this, I really don't mourn all that much when I see where God's loving hand and plan was in all of this from the very beginning.

From the very beginning, it seems that God has continuously confronted us with What is going to happen; when it's going to happen, and why it's going to happen.

With the 70th Jubilee approaching, unlike previous Jubilees where something significant happened, as with all the other 70s in Scripture, this 70th is going to be a Super Jubilee, the granddaddy of them all!! And as many legitimately wonder . . .is this the END??
  
   

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by Kjohnchas on Sat Jul 25, 2015 11:46 PM

Quote | Reply

stan....i read this book,i couldnt put it down,maybe i should read it again,as what you saw in this,i didnt see.

do i miss my life,i do so much.i know chuck is happy but i am just so sad all the time and just feel lost.someti mes people reply like they care but most times thy dont

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by StanToronto on Sun Jul 26, 2015 01:09 AM

Quote | Reply

On Jul 25, 2015 11:46 PM Kjohnchas wrote:

stan....i read this book,i couldnt put it down,maybe i should read it again,as what you saw in this,i didnt see.

do i miss my life,i do so much.i know chuck is happy but i am just so sad all the time and just feel lost.someti "" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://lost.someti " target="_blank" rel="nofollow">lost.someti mes people reply like they care but most times thy dont

Kathy,

Perhaps it wasn't so much the book or the revelation of the author Rabbi Cahn;

Maybe it was just the fact that while I was concentrating on that, for a while it diverted my attention from my daily agony! :-(

But, no matter what, I am convinced that I must discover a new MEANING for life! While I am now OLD, and probably don't have much to offer, I really have to move forward.

But so far, like a friend who is going through the same experience, by noon each day, we start to get the 'shakes'.

So . . . my current challenge is to deal with the new reality, . . and find new MEANING and PURPOSE in life! With all of my loving supportive family, it **shouldn't** be all that diffcult. ?? But it will be!

So far . . . I wake up in the morning, wondering what I want to do that day. NOTHING!  Duh! :-) Not very healthy. So . . . over the next year, I really have to deal with all of this, and get whatever remains of my future, give it my best shot!  ??

And with Ethel's departing messge as she was dying: Let's spend a wonderful day together, and enjoy the rest of the future together." Well . . . the rest of the future is a LONG way off in the future!

I owe it to my children and grandchildren to demonstrate what what it means to have faith in God when life has otherwise legitimately ceased to have meaning.

With all of my heartfelt compassion,
Stan

RE: Codicil to My Marriage Vows

by Kjohnchas on Sun Jul 26, 2015 12:05 PM

Quote | Reply

Stan

     I know exactly what your talking about,i too need to find new meaning,but not sure how to do that.my family also are supportive,but because they live here and see me everyday,it upsets them cause im not happy happy.

i am 61 and chuck was 71 and until the cancer hit him he had more ambition than a 20 year old.

my sister is visiting and that helps as she lost her husband 5 years ago,and she says you just have to greive at your own pace.

i have my faith but forget to let go and let GOD everyday.but im workig on it.most days i just want to be with chuck.

thinking of you and praying for peace

kathy

12 Posts | Page(s): 1 2  Next 
Subscribe to this message board discussion

Latest Messages

View More

We care about your feedback. Let us know how we can improve your CancerCompass experience.