Dreading the Holidays

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Dreading the Holidays

by meah1 on Tue Nov 17, 2015 10:59 PM

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Halloween caused a meltdown..no fun sitting outside alone passing out candy. And it isn't a big holiday.  His birthday is tomorrow. 1st one in 44 years we haven't spent together :(   Thanksgivng comes up fast and then Christmas.  Not looking forward to any of this. 

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by tjvonblueberry on Wed Nov 18, 2015 12:51 AM

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The firsts are the most painful.  The Decembered Grief book is a good read.

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by StanToronto on Thu Nov 19, 2015 07:21 PM

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I hosted Canadian Thanksgiving for 11 people 4 months after my wife of 50 years passed from PC. I caved in a week before Thanksgiving, and told the family I just couldn't go through with it, but they refused to let me back out. And that was good.

I set up a formal dinner, the way I had been trained over the years by 'she who must be obeyed'. :-) I did the turkey, and got lots of enthusiastic help from the guests for everything else. It was a very busy active day for all of us, and much to my surprise, I didn't experience so much as a single down-moment throughout the entire day.

So, I've decided to host a big Christmas dinner as well!! This is the one that really scares me! Just sorting through Christmas decorations last week left me shaking all over, after 15 minutes, and I had to quit. But have have to get back to that, and hope it goes better next time.

So, I am not only doing the turkey, but I am also going to tackle the Traditional Christmas pudding and sauce, which has been a family tradition for 200 years. The kids say: Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without it! I've already started to work on that, getting all the strange ingredients, like suet together in advance, along with a BIG new steamer to handle the three-hour steaming session.

So, while I am scared, I am also optimistic.

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights like Heaven’s stars,
reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear;
for I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear.
But the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren’t apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I’m spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift
more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can’t count the blessings of love
He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.  

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by bobss396 on Fri Nov 20, 2015 08:14 PM

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I got past my year of firsts. Now its all about the seconds. We celebrated Barbara's birthday last week in the bar, I made cupcakes and gave them out. Everyone there has been good to me and my family.

Xmas... again. I'm off the whole week prior so I can get the house shaped up. Barbara always made up the to-do and shopping lists, now I do it all. The kids pitch in too.

They put the tree up and did most of the decorations, I could have done without it, never liked the holidays even as a kid.

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by MSL1968 on Fri Nov 20, 2015 09:01 PM

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On Nov 20, 2015 8:14 PM bobss396 wrote:

I got past my year of firsts. Now its all about the seconds. We celebrated Barbara's birthday last week in the bar, I made cupcakes and gave them out. Everyone there has been good to me and my family.

Xmas... again. I'm off the whole week prior so I can get the house shaped up. Barbara always made up the to-do and shopping lists, now I do it all. The kids pitch in too.

They put the tree up and did most of the decorations, I could have done without it, never liked the holidays even as a kid.

I'm so sorry that you're having such a terrible time without Barbara. I don't feel like having any part in the holidays but I will make the best of it for my children and elderly parents that live with us. I was thinking about buying a new tree, maybe a real tree this year and decorating really, really good this year to make it cozy for my family. Usually, we throw the tree up and call it a day. But, I think right now we all need to be remember that the Lord has saved us from death and to celebrate him in the best way we can. Mike was able to leave this ugly, painful and diseased world to go to heaven where he finds, peace, love, acceptance, joy. 

I don't know for some reason I think Mike would really like that if I did it all up for the holidatys.

Try to celebrate that Barb is saved and spared the suffering of this world! She is not in pain, she is not sick and she is NOT dead! She lives and you will see her again, my friend, if you ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior.

Cheer Up! Enjoy the Holiday's!!!!

Many Blessings,

Ann

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by MSL1968 on Fri Nov 20, 2015 09:11 PM

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On Nov 17, 2015 10:59 PM meah1 wrote:

Halloween caused a meltdown..no fun sitting outside alone passing out candy. And it isn't a big holiday.  His birthday is tomorrow. 1st one in 44 years we haven't spent together :(   Thanksgivng comes up fast and then Christmas.  Not looking forward to any of this. 

I'm so sorry Meah, I feel you pain and sorrow. Passing out candy together, dressing up and going to parties was so fun and a great time for Mike and I too.

It's so difficult to think of a holiday without Mike. Remembering old memories of all of us together is too much for me to even think about.

I'm considering changing things up this year, not doing all of the same traditions, either do something new or change the old into some parts new. Do you understand? It's not that I want to forget him, it's that I want to celebrate what Jesus being born did for every believer but especially for Mike. I know that he isn't dead, that he lives on and some day I will see him again.

I want to create a certain feeling for my family of comfort, relaxation, and beauty.

I feel for you Meah, I really do. I've never cried this much since I was problably a baby! The feelings of the entire spectrum all at once overwhelms me. feel angry, sad, happy that he isn't suffering anymore, excitement for the future, all at once is so draining.

I hope that you can feel the joy and miracle of Christ and really enjoy them like you haven't before. Now we know how precious life is, we now have woken up to the fact that our loved one went somewhere that isn't here but is far better than we could ever imagine.

God BLess you Meah!

Ann

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by Kjohnchas on Fri Nov 20, 2015 09:37 PM

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Its been 7 months for me,things dont seem to get any easier,i just feel like my life doesnt have any meaning anymore.i have no desire for family time for the holidays,i will work in the morning and go to my freinds house for dinner.chuck and i always did the cooking together,and i just cant this year anyway.

i meet with hospice grief group one a week,and we meet at duncan donuts,and go for lunch once a month,this is helpful.though its not the same.i have no energy to do much of anything,they say that will come back,but it hasnt yet.

wildrose,im so happy for you

God bless everyone     kathy

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by Shereeclint on Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:38 PM

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On Nov 17, 2015 10:59 PM meah1 wrote:

Halloween caused a meltdown..no fun sitting outside alone passing out candy. And it isn't a big holiday.  His birthday is tomorrow. 1st one in 44 years we haven't spent together :(   Thanksgivng comes up fast and then Christmas.  Not looking forward to any of this. 

Hi Meah,

There was once a young man who had a dreadful accident. He died that day. His breathing stopped, his heart stopped, and his pulse disappeared. He was dead. Then something unexplainable happened. A friend who witnessed the accident initially panicked, and went running off looking for help.

 After several minutes he returned. After determining that the young man was, in fact, dead he decided to try mouth to mouth. We read about it, however most of us are ill prepared to really do it. He did it anyway.

After one breath, the young man opened his eyes, screamed at his friend to “Get off of me” and attempted to get up. Oh, I forgot one (1) small detail, the young man was buck naked.

What in the world was the young man doing naked, you may be asking. Well, he and his friend had just finished playing racquetball and were back in the locker room. This young man had decided to jump up on a four (4) foot tall table to dry off after his shower since the floor had recently been sprayed down and was still wet. They had played in the afternoon and still had to go back to work, which is why the gym was now empty.

Evidently, the young man fainted, and then dropped six (6) to seven (7) feet to the concrete floor below. According to his friend, the sound of the scull hitting the concrete sounded like a bomb.

The young man did not die, however he did stop breathing and his heart did stop beating. He was clinically dead.

The young man tells a different story. He has no recollection of the fall. All he remembers is being whisked down a long tunnel towards a brilliant light in the distance. He felt his body was intact, however he focused his eyes on the light. At the same time he was overcome with the sense of being overwhelmingly loved unconditionally. This was an all-consuming love which is not assessable here. In fact, he is still a loss for words to describe the feeling, some 35 years later.

He rarely tells people any more since most just listen politely, however he knows that they do not believe him. It seems that the only people who know and appreciate his story are those who have experienced something similar.

 

Do you see the connection? You, and Ann, and Kathy before you, have all joined a sisterhood, and not one you joined voluntarily. The initiation rights were painful, heart wrenching, and life changing. Unless you have been there, you just will never fully understand.

Words are hollow, even when they are written by a loving heart. The loneliness, emptiness, and desolation cannot be talked away. It is as real as it gets.

Those who have accepted the gift of eternal life by putting their faith in Christ Jesus never feel the sting of death. Yes, we feel the sting of dying, however the last breath ends that suffering, forever.

For everyone else, the majority of this world I am afraid, it is only the beginning of untold suffering. How sad.

The bible is right when it says that “faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of GOD”. So when should one pick up their bible? Well, certainly in times of bitter pain and confusion. Certainly when the world doesn’t make sense anymore.

In a nutshell, it is the only lasting answer to what has you in the grip of such despair.

I am that young man who died that day. If given the choice, I would have never returned. Only GOD’s Word keeps me going, especially when I watch what is happening to folks like you and others in this fallen world. For those who believe, there are only better times ahead. That is the promise which I experienced that day, albeit for just a short time.

I pray the Peace of Jesus Christ be given unto you.

Clint  

  

  

 

  

 

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by tjvonblueberry on Sat Nov 21, 2015 11:54 PM

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Thanks for that poem!

RE: Dreading the Holidays

by tjvonblueberry on Sun Nov 22, 2015 12:00 AM

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Thank you Clint.  I needed to hear your story!

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