Sex, Love and cancer - repost

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Sex, Love and cancer - repost

by AKrupa61 on Sat Jan 16, 2016 09:52 PM

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I posted this accidentally to the general forum. It was intended for the prostate cancer forum.

I'll start out by saying I probably won't respond to many posts. This is just my opinion and no two people are the same.

Background: My husband and I are 2nd marriages, together 15 years, married 4 1/2 and living w/Prostate Cancer Stage 4, gleasons 7 & 8, (now hormone refractory) and PSA 550 with metastases at diagnosis.

Opinion: Cancer attacks a family. It does not attack a person. Everyone is affected, everyone needs some kind of support, and everyone needs some kind of treatment.

Family members including the person with cancer will need to learn ways of coping. We all have to deal with the anxiety of the unknown; the stress of doctors and tests, hospitals, and treatments; and the grief of loss, of jobs, libido, sex, and life.

But we are all LIVING with cancer and that means getting help when you need it like yoga or hypnosis for sleep, or medications to reduce anxiety or pain. Counseling can help with stress, grief, and loss. Exercise, hobbies, etc can help mental and physical health.

When it comes to intimacy many people find it hard to talk about, but there is couseling for this too! This is the time when it can really make a difference.

Don't expect magic - if you married for sex and lust (mistakenly calling it love) you are going to have a tough time. If you have a lot in common and/or married for deep affection/love it will be easier.

Nothing is going to get better though, unless you talk about it together. Hugging, touches and cuddling don't end unless you stop doing it. it is a feeling of warmth and emotional intimacy that isn't lost with the libido. Traditional intercourse will likely end for most couples, but using sex toys together can be fun and satisfying. The big thing is to be together. Do things together, enjoy life together as you would be under any other circumstances.

Early in my husbands treatment I pulled away from him physically because I knew his lack of libido upset him. I didn't want him to feel pressured.  He stopped talking to me about it because he though I was turned off. Once we talked and cleared the air we were able to feel comfortable with each other again.

So talk. We're all grown-ups. Nothing can get fixed until you know what is broken.

RE: Sex, Love and cancer - repost

by fischymom on Fri Jan 22, 2016 05:03 AM

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I have read and reread this post a few times and since my husband was diagnosed with PC this last month I decided that we needed to have one of those deeper talks on our 1.5 hour drive home from radiation. And all I can say is Bless You for giving me the strength and nerve to approach the tough subjects. We talked about still expressing love and affection (I even braved out asking if he would be comfortable with some toys, and glad to say that he was comfortable enough to make me blush by teasing me), how I am not ready to tell him good by, be it how ever long, since we have finally made it through some extremely stormy years and just exploring the new place our relationship had moved forward into.

I guess I was more worried about putting more stress on him by telling him about my worries but just the opposite was true, he was glad to get some relief and emotions out there.

RE: Sex, Love and cancer - repost

by AKrupa61 on Fri Jan 22, 2016 01:02 PM

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I shared your post with my husband and we are both very glad you found our original post valuable.

RE: Sex, Love and cancer - repost

by jwt1253 on Tue Mar 08, 2016 02:55 AM

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Thanks for posting

RE: Sex, Love and cancer - repost

by AKrupa61 on Tue Mar 08, 2016 03:30 AM

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You're welcome.

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