PunkyD's Message Board Messages

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Dear surviving6,

I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. I really feel for you. I also can't understand your family dynamics. I am sure it's complicated. Do your ex and kids not believe that you are ill??? According to what you have written, you haven't actually been diagnosed yet, correct? So there is still hope that it is something else. Maybe you can have a talk with your oldest son? Why does he refuse to see you? Sending you prayers and the best possible outcome. Focus right now on your health, and get to the bottom of it. Hang in there.


RE: Coughing up "Stuff"

by PunkyD - July 01 at 9:51 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's lung cancer.  It sounds like he is having a tough time. I'm sure it's very frustrating not getting a straight answer from the doctors or nurses.  Don't give up!  You have to be the advocate for your husband. What does that mean: "the doctor says he didn't know anything about it"????  Isn't it his job to know everything about his patient?  Like coughing up chunks??? Why can't the nurses say anything?  If they can't tell you, the wife, the closest family member to your husband, then who can they tell? If they for some strange reason can't tell you, they should at least pass on this info to the doctor, who seems to not know what's flying. Why should you have to guess??? Your guess is just as educated a guess as mine, as I am not a doctor.  I'm hoping others will pipe in here on this thread, with similar experiences to help you. 

Don't give up and don't let the doctors or nurses evade you. 

Good luck and I send your husband prayers. 



RE: Lost Cause

by PunkyD - June 30 at 6:42 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis and that the doctors have been insensitive, squashing his hope. I can understand your anger and frustration. Maybe you could have a private conversation with the doctors and tell them what you've told us here? Or could you change doctors? I am very sorry if the damage of what they've said has already been done. It is sad and infuriating. I've heard that the last thing to die is hope. 

I pray that your husband can still live each day positively and enjoy whatever time he has left, without thinking about the end. I pray for the best for your husband. 



Dear Ray and Marge,

So nice to see "familiar faces" around here. It's been a while. Glad to hear that you are coping. We really have no choice, right?  Just put one foot in front of the other and try to make the best of what life has to offer. This week marked 6 years since my Mom passed. She passed on her birthday. She would have been 80 this week. I am grateful though. I am doing well and my Dad is doing well. Nice to hear from you both. 

RE: Pancreatic cancer!

by PunkyD - June 12 at 6:02 AM

Dear Dave,

Yes, I'm aware of the statistics of pancreatic cancer from personal experience. It is a difficult diagnosis, but don't ever lose hope. I believe there are stage 4 survivors on this site! Are you eligible for surgery? Whatever decision you make, whether to go with treatment or not, is your decision alone. You should do whatever you decide is best for you. 

I wish you the best of luck.........there are many great people and survivors on this site. Maybe you could reach out to them for more info. 


RE: Pancreatic cancer!

by PunkyD - June 11 at 5:58 AM

Dear Dave,

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  I can only imagine that it is a shock.

I can't tell you what you're in for, as everyone person copes differently and everyone's medical situation is different, but fighting cancer is never easy. Though I do have several suggestions for you. Surround yourself with a good support group. Someone who will be your advocate, go with you to doctor appointments (for support and to hear what the doctor is saying-sometimes it's so much info, it's hard to process) and help you when you are in need. Don't be shy to ask your doctor whatever questions you have. Don't be afraid to ask for a second opinion. Take life one day at a time.

Have the doctors given you a plan of action? Did they give you information such as staging, surgery, treatments? 

If you are the kind of person that likes to know everything, then do your research. If you aren't, then that's ok too. 

This site is very helpful, so always feel free to come here for support or for info. 

Sending you strength and prayers for a complete recovery.


RE: Seem to be getting worse fast

by PunkyD - June 06 at 5:39 AM

Dear Brynda,

I'm sorry to hear about the trouble and pain that you are going through. Unfortunately, I don't have any insight or advice, except for to see a doctor ASAP!  It sounds like you are listening to your body, so if something seems wrong, go to a doctor. You can always come here for advice and for someone to listen. 

Wishing you good luck and good health,


I am very sorry to hear about your Mom's diagnosis. It doesn't sound like all of the doctors are on the same page. It is difficult especially when there are many people involved. Each doctor is dealing with a different aspect of your mom's illness, and each one has a different personality and different way of dealing with their patient. Some doctors are more forthcoming with information and are keeping your mom's interest at top priority, and some maybe are not.

"The doctors stated they would have results with in 24 hrs but a full  result with in 5 to 7 days".  What does that mean?? What result will they have in 24 hours and why didn't you receive it? Which doctor of the team told you that you would have the answer in 24 hours? 

I think it is super important that you and your sisters should be your Mom's advocate and demand more answers. Hospitals are a very busy place, and sometimes you need to "bug" the doctors. If you are confused and have questions, you should definitely ask! Ask the nurses where is the doctor, and when can you talk to him. If your are not happy with the care, and they keep delaying and pushing you off,  you may want to think of going somewhere else. 

Good luck, and prayers for your Mom. 

RE: Pancreatic and Liver Cancer

by PunkyD - April 28 at 10:08 AM

Dear Lorraine,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father and your mother's diagnosis. This is a lot to handle all on your own. I was a caregiver to my Mom, but I was not alone. My Dad and 3 sisters all helped. We took turns. My Mom passed away from pancreatic cancer 6 years ago. She was 74 and she and my Dad were married for 52 years.  She died on her birthday, which was also her anniversary. Pretty crazy, huh? 

It is good that your mom is clear thinking, and involved in important decisions in her life. I also went through anticipatory grief (My Mom was ill for 4 years on and off). I think that this is "easier" than someone passing suddenly, as you have time to prepare, think, talk, plan. Even though, when it actually happens, it's still a shock that it's actually over and that she is actually gone. 

My Mom was bedridden for her last 2-3 weeks. During this time, we had home hospice, and we tried to keep her comfortable and out of pain. 

As for suggestions to help you and your Mom..........I think that would depend a lot on your Mom's openness and willingness to discuss the inevitable. My Mother was either in denial, or didn't want to upset us, so we just sat with her, took care of her, talked to her, but we didn't talk about the end. This was hard for me.........so if you can talk freely with her, say to her whatever you need to say while you can. We brought the grandkids over a week before she passed, they sang to her, and she was happy to see them. Any important info you may need from her to make logistics easier afterwards could be helpful (such as bank issues, funeral arrangements that she may want etc.). 

Basically, just be with her, listen to what she wants, cherish every moment. My Mom passed peacefully, as she became weaker and weaker, sleeping more and more, and eating less and less, until she finally just took her last breath, and that was it - and I am thankful for that. 

I hope this is helpful in some way, and I wish you much strength during this difficult time. 


Dear smc123,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate, as I lost my Mom (74) to pancreatic cancer almost 6 years ago. I have been on this site ever since. My Mother was also diagnosed at stage 1, (by accident as she was in the hospital for a different issue) and she did undergo surgery (though not the whipple) and treatments, and she lived on and off with the disease for 4 years. She passed away at home, in her own bed, with most of us around her. Thank God, it was peaceful. 

May the good memories of your mom bring you comfort. 


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About PunkyD

Pancreatic Cancer
Emotional Support

I was a caregiver to my mother. I lost my mother (74) to Pancreatic Cancer in June 2013, after a 4 year battle.

Was also a caregiver to my father in law for a year in half, suffering from prostate cancer and severe dementia. He passed away May 2017

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