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andrewsmommy222's Message Board Messages

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het everyone im posting a new discussion cuz i cant figure out for some reason how to reply..ANYWAY......

The psyciatrist DID NOT work out like i thought it would. all he did was ask for my past history of depression and gave me meds and that was it. oh not to mention he took a 15-20 min personal call.

I saw my oncologist today and he is talking about starting me on a new medication but is gonna wait till after my next MRI in june. t

hat makes me very nervous ans scared n even more depressed. i just have no idea anymore, im very scared and confused. and again i cant stop crying.

your right i dont know how my daughter feels.. i wish i did tho. even to hear her voice would be great.

as for playing with my son you are right im going to make the most of the 10-15 mins and play with him. i would be worried n scared if it was one of them..

On Apr 21, 2012 12:25 AM mujersabia wrote:

You are great to just remember that, and if you werent a fighter you would not have said anything, so think about that, you do not want to die, you want to live very badly, you took the chance talking to your doctor and Im so happy you did. Girl even if you did have to have a stay, it would give you the opportunity to talk your feelings out with others away from your usual group at home....a fresh perspective as I hope we have been. I care, and you are now my new friend so you are stuck with me :P and as far  as I can tell a few others here have befriended you also. We already have to fight for our lives because of our cancers, lets not have to fight with ourselves... Hang in there amiga!

thank you!! your right. im still feeling any better tho. it didnt work out like i thought. im glad to have met you and have you as my friend just like the rest of you on here!

so a lil bit of good news tonight. i went to my doctor today for other reasons and the nurse asked me if i felt safe at home and i just burst out in tears.she asked me what was going on and i let it all out. legally in the state of florida when a person tells a doctor,family member cop, etc that they are having thoughts of suicide they are suppose to have you baker acted which idk if other states have this too but it means taken to a behavorial hospital with a mandatory 72 hour stay. thankfully granted i am a threat to myself and even my lil boy right now and my dad she didnt do that. the reason was she knows i live with my dad and talked to him and he promised to keep watch on me tonight and she made me promise that i will go see a psyhciatrist first thing in the morning which she made the appointment for me and got me in right away and she will know if i dont go. and if i dont go she said she will have the cops at my door. i sit hear hysterical even as i write this. will it help? i doubt it but im going to go and see.

I just want to say to all my new friends on here thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and talking to me.. im still depressed and having these thoughtd but you all are great.

On Apr 19, 2012 11:20 PM Susan327 wrote:

I hope you are feeling a little better tonight. One thing you said that bothered me was that you hate yourself. I am not sure why you feel that way. Sometimes people blame themselves for not finding some way to avoid the bad things that happen to them, even though there was nothing they could have done to stop it.  Sometimes people feel angry with themselves because they feel like they did not use their time in this world well.  I don't know why you say you hate yourself, but you don't need to be hated right now.  Please try talking to your family again - if that does not help see if your doctor or the hospital social worker can put you in touch with someone that you can talk too.

Susan

i hate myself cuz of the person i am. that cuz im sick and other lies tht my ex told my daughter she wants nothing to do with me. what im putting my family thru, that i cant play with my son for more than 20 mins without being in pain or getting tired. i hate everything about me..

whats the point really? im dying anyway and gonna die at a young age.. so whats the point of even trying? i cant stop crying no matter what.

i really cant deal for real. im on the edge. i see my pain meds sitting by me and all these thoughts race thru my head.. i see my son and smile. but know he really does deserve better. i hear these stories bout how chemo or radiation help people or with the  leisons they have but me? no theres nothing they can do for me!! i hate the doctors whn i first got sick who brushed me off and said it was all in my head!! i hate that i kkep losing weught. the fact that im tired all the time that i cant be the mother my kids deserve!! the fact my daughters father is keeping her from me!! i hate everything about myself!! i talked a lil to my dad and aunt today but it didnt help.. im never gonna be cured of this.. i hate it i really dont wanna be alive anymore!!

hi everyone im new here. im 31 and a single mom. my kids are 10 n shes with her dad and my baby whom is 14 months and lives with me full time. in 2007 i was diagnoised with pancreatic cancer with liver mets and was told no surgery would fix it. i spent my entire pregnancy in the hospital which was rough. but my son to this day is healthy.

i have been getting monthly injections of a drug called sandostatin sice i was diagnoised and all though the tumor is stable i have spent the past 4 month in and out of the hospital 2x i been admitted. AFter my most recent trip last night im done. i feel so alone i have noone to talk to to cry to nothing even my dad who i live with wasnt there for me last night.  i take 40milligrams of methadone and 60 ox roxycodone and it dont help either. the past few days i have felt different. like a weird feeeling when i breathe, different pains and beyond tired and i have no desire to eat..

i feel inside that this is the end.. i dont want to deal with any of this anymore and at this point i just want to die!! i really want to just take my meds and not wake up! i love my son and my family to death and they have been a great support system but my son deserves better and im tired of being a burden on my family. i cant take the pain,the feelings im having anything anymore!!

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About andrewsmommy222

Patient
Liver Cancer, Pancreatic Cancer
Cancer Nutrition, Cancer Treatments, Emotional Support, Lifestyle, Recipes, Spiritual Support

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