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broken's Recent CancerCompass Activity

  • Broken has replied to a post on the message board

    None of this stuff came with a direction book.  Remember, for each of us it is or was different.  At the very end (maybe two months) the same thing occurred.  I now have so many mixed emotions of our 43 year marriage.  He totally pushed me away for petty shit (sorry).  I didn't understand it then and sure don't understand it now & he's been gone almost 3 years.  It all still breaks m...

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    • Broken has replied to a post on the message board

      OMG = two months really isn't enough time to even begin to heal.  It's almost been 3 years now for me & I've just got to the point where I'm not totally consumed about the memories & pain.  Sending my prayers your way & a request to you:  Be kind to your self my friend, it's this time that you will tend to beat yourself up over all the journey that you have just taken with your dear Zeb.&n...

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      • Broken has replied to a post on the message board

        My Husband died in Aug. 2010 & each year since has been the loneness time of my life.  We both just loved the season of Summer.  He was a big flower person so he did all the purchasing & planting.  Needless to say, very few things even come up now - almost 3 years out & his green thumb is surely missed by me.  I've got photos that he & I took all those years, he kept the backyard &...

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        • Broken has created a new message board discussion

          OMG Everyone: Some of my girlfriends took me out last night to a dance hall.  They about killed me.  They all told me to just go wild in whatever way I wanted too.  They'd  be there to pick me up and dust me off.  SO, THAT's WHAT I DID.  What a hell of a night.  We danced from 8:30PM to 2AM and of course because I had the tatoo palor ink HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY on my left side of the f...

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          • Broken has replied to a post on the message board

            thebyrdsfriend: You're so right!  Only God knows his plans for us all.  After the passing of the love of my life of 43 years I was just so devistated that I hadn't said all I needed or wanted to say.  Who'd ever thought that there was more to say after 43 years?  But there was.  That one and only chance is gone forever you know. Broken  

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            • Broken has created a new message board discussion

              Once I was whole.  I was strong with dreams of the future for us both.  The sight of him warmed my heart & soul as though the sun was shining down on me with nothing but love.  Where has it all gone?  Why do I still feel so broken?  Why do I feel so weak & lost inside?  Will I ever feel whole again?  Will I ever feel the same as the sun shines down on me?  Will I e...

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              • Broken has replied to a post on the message board

                JackieJo: I know I'm surely a mess right now after 2 1/2 years without my dear loving husband.  I'd like to say that no matter how hard all this stuff gets, I'm not giving up on myself and no one else should either.  I'm at the stage now of this grief stuff where just a very small speck of my emotions for warmth, togetherness, snuggling, touch, smell & love is starting to be missed deeply.  Then i...

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                • Broken has replied to a post on the message board

                  Broken Here: Okay, after 2 1/2 years I took the rings off.  I felt they were haunting me in thinking he was still here every time I would look at them.  How stupid of me, I still saw the rings even though they weren't there my mind told me otherwise.  I've still not put them back on.  I've even thought that it is the house & his ashes in the all wood box w/My Broken Heart etched on the bottom...

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                  • Broken has replied to a post on the message board

                    eastwest: I'm absolutely sure it does.  Along with the unworthethyness I feel for anyone & anthing.  It's so unsettling to me.  I'm trying to move forward in the ream of somebody else in this world that I can love, hold & touch & feel.  I'm so broken by it all.  I just done't know if I'll ever be able to find anything like this ever.  To feel so hopeless is at my age, so unc...

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                    • Broken has created a new message board discussion

                      Okay All You Guys - Inturpt This & Remark Please: Keep in mind, I was wide awake laying on the sofa when this started happening.  But my dream inturpeter on the web says I just experienced from 7:30 PM to 1:30 AM just plain old simple anxiety, stress while trying to escape from the past, or put something behind me.  That I'm trying to move on, away from the past.  I say it's because of the death o...

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                      About broken

                      Caregiver
                      Oral Cancer, Squamous Cell Cancer, Tongue Cancer, Lung Cancer - Squamous Cell, Head and Neck Cancer
                      Spiritual Support, Emotional Support

                      43 years of marriage to the love of my life, a wonderful man to have him taken away at age 61 of the fastest, most devistating form of oral cancer on August 17, 2010. The wife of this loving man that was is three days away from the 2nd anniversary of his death. I'm getting on with life but I'm still so very lost without him. Still trying to figure things out at times & just try to get past it all.

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