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carrieg55's Message Board Messages

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RE: Not getting any better

by carrieg55 - September 08, 2016

Hello Everyone,

It's been a while just thought I would check in. I have been having a lot of problems trying to log on and even to write a post so wish me luck.....

It has been 2 years and 4 months since I lost my sweet hubby, I see the original title of this thread is "Not getting any better" what I have discovered since my loss is that life does go on...some days are better then others......Labor Day was a milestone we moved into our home 13 years ago on labor day, I thought back and wished I could turn back the clock life seemed so much better then.

I spent the day with my grandsons Caleb is 12 & Nathan is 15, thank God they still enjoy our outings, we went on a segway tour, I have to tell you I kept thinking what the heck am I doing but, I never let on that I was nervous.

Life has definitely had some twist and turns since Jimmy passed, I went home to Illinois for a few days, I had my reservations made for almost three weeks I was trying to get home to see my lifelong friend to say our final good byes, we have been friends since 3rd grade my friend was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer sqaumos cell carcinoma the exact cancer that took my hubby. I did not get to see her  I did make it to the memorial not exactly what I had hoped for ..........guess the Lord had other plans.

My neighbor passed in May she was only 62 she was the sweetest person you ever want to meet, she was battling brain cancer....my heart goes out to her husband his journey on this road we have been on has just begun, there will be all those "firsts" without her the first year has to be the worst.

I have dated ..........I agree no one will be able to fill those shoes......I wouldn't mind a friend of the opposite sex....maybe someone to have dinner with, maybe see a movie.....even a few phone calls I have come to the conclusion if they also lost a spouse they know the road we are on, they also are experiencing the same ups and downs, the good and the bad days, the challenges.

Life is for the living, I am trying......

I have returned to one on one counseling it seems to work I am seeing the same counselor that I seen while Jimmy was sick it seemed easier that way she knows me, she knows my history.

When my hubby was battling cancer I remember praying and asking God please don't take my mom and hubby in the same year I will not be able to handle that, God did answer that prayer along with many others.....my mom is 87 she has dementia and a whole gammet of other health issues, I do see her declining I am not sure if she will make her next birthday 1/1 I still thank God for letting us enjoy her this long she has lived a long life and a good life that is all we can ask for, I do pray when her time comes the Lord will have mercy and not let her suffer.

Life just keeps going we are either in it or not......don't get me wrong there are days I just can't deal with I allow myself time that is the best I can do.

As they say we are all in this together .........

Wishing you all the best

Carrie

On Jan 25, 2016 6:46 PM carrieg55 wrote:

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to check in with everybody. What brought me back to the site is a friend of mine that I grew up with we went to school from 3rd grade on has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I don't have all the information yet as to what type, stage, etc., her doctor called and told her they believe she has cancer of the pancreas and it has also spread to the liver? .....not sure tomorrow she is going for another test then I guess we will all know more.

I spoke to my friend today we talked for an hour on the phone I told her about getting help with treatments, to having her husband apply for FMLA I shared as much information as I could I live in Florida and she lives in Illinois I just wanted to help anyway I could, it was so good to talk to her I pray she will live a long time with treatment.

I got through the holidays ok, it seems like after the holidays all heck broke loose with friends and family and Illness.

Jimmy has been in heaven for 20 months now, doesn't seem possible, this is the second Christmas I have celebrated without him, he is on my mind all the time. We did put up a tree the deal was my gentleman friend would put up the tree and the grandsons and daughter would decorate it, the memories came flooding back as I saw all the ornaments and decorations. Of course it was my job to take it all down and put it all away......my mind filled with thoughts of Christmas's of the past our life our love. Even with somone new in my life the memories will never leave, there will always be a special place in my heart for Jimmy he was my love, my life, we shared almost 12 years together that is a lot of time to make memories and we sure did!!!!!

Carrie

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to give an update on this last post about my lifetime friend. All the test have been done my friend has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer with mets to the liver, not sure if it has spread to the brain I am thinking that test came back negative or I would have heard by now.

This has hit me hard this is a girlfriend that I grew up with we went to school together we met in 3rd grade and have been friends ever since, I also have another friend we met in kindergarten so we have all remained friends through the years we have seen each other through marriage, birth of our children, divorces, even death (my sweet hubby) we have shared our journey of life since we were kids, it truly hurts to know that one of us is now battling cancer it is really hitting close to home.

I am grateful they did not mention the pancreas again. I can only draw from my own experience my late hubby battled stage 4 lung cancer for 3 years and 3 months after date of diagnosis.

I am trying to be supportive to my friend I call her and text her, she lives in the North I live in the South. My heart goes out to her and her family I know the long hard road she is on I have been there before with my sweet hubby.

Please keep my friend in prayer her name is Diana.

Hugs to everyone, my heart goes out to you all.

Carrie

On Feb 22, 2016 4:00 AM Marie55 wrote:

It will be two years in March that my husband passed from stage iv cancer. It is comforting to see familiar names and how everyone is doing. The last two years have been challenging and I try every day to make the day fulfilling and positive. No family in my immediate area so that seems to be the hardest. My daughter, SIL, granddaughters came for the holidays from out of state and it was fun and hectic. After they left, I realized how "maybe" the grief journey could have been be a tad bit easier for me if I had family nearby. Most of my girlfriends are married so, though they are supportive, not sure if they fully understand the depth of grief and how hard it has been without my husband. I keep working on meeting new friends, taking emeritus classes, trying to be of service to two terminally ill ladies, volunteer at two different nonprofits. My husband told me in his final days I would be okay. I would just sob and say "never, without you." He was my best friend. It still breaks my heart all he went through in nine months of stage iv cancer. So all we have is the moment, and we never know what is around the corner. I have great faith we will be united someday so that brings me comfort. Until that time, need to make the best of each day. To the newcomers, I send you a big hug.

HI Marie,

I was happy to see your recent post, I often wondered how you were doing I remember our journey and all the frantic posts as we watched our loved ones battling lung cancer.

Can't believe we are coming up on two years, some days it seems so long ago.....other days it seems like it was just yesterday.

I still miss my hubby everyday, I do have someone else in my life ....its just different.....

Sending you cyber hugs

Carrie

On Feb 23, 2016 12:48 AM sandy26 wrote:

Stan,

Funny you mentioned this grief site. I sent several message to 3 of the churches listed in my area and not one of them contacted me back. So, I decided that is not right for me.

I agree - this website helps me. Like you said several veterans are on here and sad to say they have been through it and know the emotions :(

Thanks and have a great evening. I am going to have a glass of wine and relax. My grandkids and I did a lot of running in the park today. Hopefully the fresh air and exercise will help me sleep better tonight.

Sandy

Hi Sandy,

I have been following your posts I don't always reply I'm not sure why but, I don't.

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband I truly am, I wish there was something I could say to make it better.

As I followed your post I see you have been looking for a group to join I am not sure about the area you live in I live in the sunshine state, I did go to a bereavement group it was sponsered through the hospice program that my late husband was in. I was thinking maybe you could call the hospice organization near your home and see if they offer any types of bereavement counseling, it is usually free of charge.

I do hope this helps you.

I can only speak of my own journey down this road of grief, the first year was the worst, in the beginning you feel like you are in a fog (its normal), you feel lost, isolated and yes, the only ones who seem to understand are the ones who have also lost a spouse.....they get it.

I lost my husband and my job in the same week so I got hit with a double whammy........maybe it was a blessing in disguise because it gave me time to grieve the loss of my sweet hubby.

I am still trying to find my way it will be two years for me May 15th. There are somedays it feels like two steps forward and one step back.

I agree about the grandchildren they truly are a gift they make life worth living.

Carrie

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to check in with everybody. What brought me back to the site is a friend of mine that I grew up with we went to school from 3rd grade on has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I don't have all the information yet as to what type, stage, etc., her doctor called and told her they believe she has cancer of the pancreas and it has also spread to the liver? .....not sure tomorrow she is going for another test then I guess we will all know more.

I spoke to my friend today we talked for an hour on the phone I told her about getting help with treatments, to having her husband apply for FMLA I shared as much information as I could I live in Florida and she lives in Illinois I just wanted to help anyway I could, it was so good to talk to her I pray she will live a long time with treatment.

I got through the holidays ok, it seems like after the holidays all heck broke loose with friends and family and Illness.

Jimmy has been in heaven for 20 months now, doesn't seem possible, this is the second Christmas I have celebrated without him, he is on my mind all the time. We did put up a tree the deal was my gentleman friend would put up the tree and the grandsons and daughter would decorate it, the memories came flooding back as I saw all the ornaments and decorations. Of course it was my job to take it all down and put it all away......my mind filled with thoughts of Christmas's of the past our life our love. Even with somone new in my life the memories will never leave, there will always be a special place in my heart for Jimmy he was my love, my life, we shared almost 12 years together that is a lot of time to make memories and we sure did!!!!!

Carrie

On Dec 14, 2015 4:14 PM fletcher1 wrote:

I was just diagnosed Stage IV Non small cell squamous (sp?) lung cancer.  I've been give 3 months to live WITHOUT TREATMENT, 18 months with extensive treatment.

They want me to do radiation 5xweek, with chemo treatments.  Is is worth it? 

I don't want to end up a cancer corpse, which is what I will be if I go through treatrment.  Isn't it better to just have three months of joy, no pain, no mega-medical burden on the family (we have no insurance for critical care)?

Can someome talk this out with me?

Dear Fletcher1,

I would roll the dice and go with treatment, my husband was diagnosed with the same exact cancer he lived 3 years and 3 months from date of diagnosis with treatment, I do believe he would have lived 5 years which there is a percentage that do I think the only reason he did not make the five year mark was he continued to smoke, treatments were successful, his tumors shrunk, he was never cancer free.

My husband did start with chemo and radiation they said they would start treating him aggressively, the doctor never offered a prognosis or gave us a timeline and we never asked.

I really hope this helps.

Carrie

Hello Everyone,

Something told me to come on and check the site I have not been on in months, I stopped coming on the site after about the 14th month of Jimmy's passing I felt I was not moving forward I was stuck, I am happy to report I am no longer stuck and have been moving on with life.....even dating.....yep believe it.....I can hardly believe it myself!

I have so much to tell and so much has happened I hardly know where to begin. My daughter and two grandsons ( 11 & 14) and grand dog have moved in with me, they have been here since June 1st, my daughter has seperated from her husband who lives back in the North and wants to start a new life so here she is starting over again.

It has been quite an adjustment they are planning on getting there own place after she files her taxes, the good thing is I never felt alone after they came this house was so lonely and emtpy after Jimmy passed I do think they have helped with part of the healing process.

I have been dating this man since July 25th we are both from the North I don't know how I moved from the big windy city to a small town that is heavily populated with seniors to meet someone who is my age and from the same town and knows many of the places back home......he even worked in the same place one of my brothers worked at in the 70's for 5 years they don't know each other though........

He has been a God send in many ways my home is now 12 years old things are starting to break, he has fixed my ice maker, rebuilt my deck, we have relandscaped, changed a door lock, fixed a door that wasn't shutting, changed a faucet.....etc....the list goes on.....I don't like him just because he has jumped in and helped when things have gone wrong I like spending time with him, he is fun, we have fun together, we laugh, we joke, he is my friend, someone I can confide in, we talk, watch tv, we have a lot in common.......he has filled many lonely hours.....not sure where this is going ....time will tell........

I am working part time for a departement store, I also do home health care Tuesdays and Thursdays I basically sit with a woman who has alzheimers it gives her husband some time out away from home,  anyone who has ever taken care of a loved one with dementia/alzheimers knows that respite care is important for the caretaker you can burn out so quickly.

We actually put a tree up, I wanted to do it for the grandsons and my daughter, I haven't put the tree up in years it feels different this year.

I think about you all and the struggles we have been through I pray that each and everyone is on the road to recovery.

I went to a wake yesterday, a nurse I worked with just lost her mom to cancer she had been battling breast cancer since 2010 she finally lost her battle, I know the journey of grieving is just beginning for them I told her I am here for her even if it is just to talk, my heart goes out to her. One of my cousins lost her 11 year old grandson they live in TN we only see each other at family reunions or a brief hello on FB, losing a child has to be the worst kind of loss there is I cannot imagine I am keeping them in prayer.

The losses will continue......I pray for comfort for the families and loved ones.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Carrie

Good Morning Irene,

I came on the site yesterday to see if you had met with your friend and how it turned out, I am happy to hear that it all went well and the friendship was restored.

I can identify with what you wrote I hope I can follow your lead.

Cyber Hugs to you

Carrie

RE: Terminal lung cancer

by carrieg55 - July 08, 2015

Maxdeakin,

I am so sorry for your loss that was a lot to take in for such a short amount of time. On the message board we have a bereavement board my suggestion is for you to look at the posts there, we have all lost a loved one in the bereavement group wether it be a spouse, mother, father, child.....

What I have found about the bereavement posts is that everyone had the same feelings as I did we were all on the same path, the same journey, it was good to know that I was not going crazy and what I was feeling was a normal part of the grieving process.

There are people of all ages there hopefully you can connect and identify with the others who either just lost a loved one or is a little farther down the road.

My heart goes out to you I lost my husband to stage 4 lung cancer May of 2014 I know the heartbreak you are feeling I am sending you a cyber hug.

Another suggestion is if you could contact your nearest hospice group they have bereavement groups and counselors it is free I did attend and I can say it helped me I also met a friend there she lives close to my house she was a lifesaver for me, we cried together, went out to dinner, shopping etc., it helped to fill the empty hours and the loneliness I was feeling,  it helped us both we could talk and she knew exactly what I was feeling she was feeling the same thing to.

There is a book that also will help it is called "Second Firsts" by Christina Rasmussen.

I am hoping that this will help you to work through your grief.

Carrie

Another year

by carrieg55 - July 02, 2015

Monday July 6th would have been our 13th wedding anniversary, hubby's birthday is July 8th again I am sad thinking another anniversary and another birthday without him I loved him so much I still miss him and think about him everyday.......a year has passed 5/15 since he went to be with the Lord, my grieving has changed it doesn't feel as intense as I reached all the "1sts" without him.

So much has changed since hubby has passed, my daughter and two grandsons and dog have recently moved in with me, my daughter starts a new job on Monday 7/6 she thinks it a good sign since that would have been our anniversary.

I have been asked out by a gentlemen he is a widower he lost his wife 8 years ago to breast cancer, I met him on one of my many trips to Home Depot when I was working on the many projects that I created for myself to keep myself busy.

He makes me laugh, I smile when I think of him, it feels good to feel alive again, it has been a rough road to get to where I am today lots of bumps and turns in the road but, I am still standing!

I know my sweet hubby is smiling down on me, I know he would be proud of me and all that I have accomplished, he knew I could do it I just had to believe in myself and trust in the Lord.

Carrie

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About carrieg55

Caregiver
Lung Cancer - Adenocarcinoma, Lung Cancer - Squamous Cell
After Treatment, Cancer Nutrition, Cancer Treatments, Chemotherapy, Emotional Support, Lifestyle, Radiation, Side Effects

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