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jdykllr's Message Board Messages

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Hello my Dear Friend,

I haven't been on this site in a while since Steve passed away after 12 months courageous battle with GBM a year ago. I know we keep in touch on FB more. As hard as it is we know they are at a better place with NO more pain & suffering. I know all those hard & stressful days of caring for them & watching them suffer are over and now that they had passed, the grieving process sets in & that's not easy either. I found out that grieve is a weird thing....just as you thought you are ok for a short while something always comes out like a song, food that they loved to eat, pictures and those makes you emotional. I have been told my many that time will heal & things will slowly get better. I was also told by few that God will not give us more trial than we can handle. And with that, we will continue to keep our faith, hope & trust in the Lord. Thinking of you. My thoughts & prayers are with you always. Hugs...

 

Hi JackieJo,

Thanks for your thoughts & prayers. Looking back through all those 12 months long very difficult trial & journey, though some days with all the stress and at times felt like my brain was fried up....the only thing that kept me going was my faith in the Lord and even now without strength from the Lord...I don't think I can make it even to this day. And it is a huge comfort knowing that when my time come...I will get to see him again. Yes both my boys they are very sweet kids & I'm very thankful. My 16 year old son, I have noticed how much he had mature and kind of like a "grownup" since his Dad passed away. He is so very helpful and in alot of way acts just like his Dad. They both have their Dad's personality and in alot of ways, makes me feel good seeing Steve's DNA in them:-) My 11 year old I was kind of worried about him when Steve passed because he was very attached to his Dad and looked up to his Dad on everything. But they both seems to be doing good and we 3 are slowly adjusting to life without their Dad being here with us. Everything that happened was like a nightmare. He retired from the Navy 2010 after 22 years in Service. We were looking forward to start a new life after the Military, he was going to school fulltime and almost done and not quite 2 years after he retired out of the blue he had a Grand Mall Seizure, and our trial started that day:-(

It is always so nice to come on here & read about what everyone else are feeling and know that I'm NOT alone. Last night was one of those moments sitting at my desk looking at our Family pictures & our happy days before Brain Cancer took everything all the joy & happiness we had..... I miss him so bad and just cried:-( My 11 year old son came over and just hugged me & told me we are going to be ok,mom.  It's been 7 months ago since I said my last goodbye...I was told time will heal...I sure hope so cause right now it's still hard:-( Will be taking my 2 boys to Colorado for Christmas this year spending Christmas with my late husband family. My late husband is burried at Ft Logan, Colorado and I really feel that I need to go there visit his Gravesite with my 2 boys. I think that will be good thing to do for the 3 of us.

Judy

I finally got on here. I haven't been on here much since Steve went home to be with the Lord Feb-28-13. I know you & I have comunicated alot through FB personal messages but still wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts & prayers my dear friend. Your husband & mine passed away 12 months after being diagnosed with this horrible  "monster" GBM. So sad to se how it took everything away from someone who were once so smart, sweet & awesome Husband & Father in such a very short time:-( All we can do is take it one day at a time and we have to always reminds ourselves that they are at a better place with NO more pain & sufferings. We know that when our time come.....we will get to see them again.

Love & Hugs,

JK  

Wow...that is very nice to know & I'm keeping my ears & eyes open for that. I haven't been on this site in awhile now since my husband went home to be with the Lord Feb-28-13.

What you are going through with your Mom is very challenging for sure but just hang in there & know that this is NOT her but the illness that caused her to be that way. My husband got quite few hallucinations that I can remember. One of the very few that I never forget was one morning I made scramble eggs with cut up ham in it. He was half way done with his breakfast and he told me this..." there's a baby's head in my plate!!!" I was on the other side of the kitchen, ran over and asked him where? Another one that was kind of funny this was about 2 weeks before he passed away, I gave him some cut up fruits, he was seriously trying to share the fruits with this person that he saw name  "Shawn". He said "Shawn" had green hashbrown in his plate! Since January of 2013, he had ZERO balance and his left side of body was very weak. The Cancer was on his Right Temprol Lobe but MRI on January 23, showed new tumor on his brain stem and that's what took him down so fast! 

I agree with you Randy1958! I remembered when Steve was still hospitalized at UW Medical, one evening before I left to go home he told me..." don't forget about me over here, I can get pretty lonley" ....breaks my heart everytime I think of that. It's been little over a week since he left us. I miss him greatly:-(

So sorry to hear all this:-( I told quite few of my friends that out of all Cancers, I think Brain Cancer is the most challenging because we have to deal with all this stuff like hallucinations,personality changes, moods swings etc. My husband passed away on Feb-28-13. He left us 12 months after he got diagnosed....it was the most difficult year and it was so heart breaking to see how this monster took him down in such a very short time:-( Praying for strength for you as you go through this.

I went to pick him " His Urn" from the Funeral home yesterday. It was hard....I started crying as soon as the guy brought him in the room:-( I took him for a drive around the neighborhood afterwards, I was talking to him I know & believe his spirit is listening.......and I was also playing the CD that has all those songs we were listening to while we were dating many years ago which was back in the early 1990's. It was special memories. We will be having the Full Military Honor Service at Ft Logan Colorado on Friday March-22-2013 at 10am and my beloved husband will be put to rest there. I sure miss him greatly and our home is NOT the same without him here with us. I sure miss those days when he used to get up before me in the morning & he usually made fresh cup of coffee. The Boys misses Dad making breakfast for them on the weekends.....they both used to look forward to that every weekend.

I just wanted to THANK EVERYONE on here for all your thoughts & Prayers during this difficult time. Friday was extra hard all day because I kept on having flash back during our last moments with him. I knew he was very close to the end....I was holding his hand tight.... I looked at his face told him how much I love him.....I told him don't worry about me & the Boys....We'll be o.k and that it is o.k for him to go to Heaven to be with Jesus. He looked up at me with wide opened eyes after I said that to him and he slowly

 left:-(
We had a memorial service for Steve at our Church....."Turning Point Church" yesterday Saturday March-2-2013 at 5pm. It was such wonderful service. Steve will be cremated and later on put to rest at Fort Logan National Cemetery
Denver, Denver County, Colorado

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About jdykllr

Caregiver
Brain Cancer
Support

My Husband got diagnosed with brain cancer Glioblastoma stage 4 early Feb of 2012 on his Right Temperol Lobe. He had 7 weeks long of Radiation Treatments along with Tumodar Chemo pills. He lost alot of weight during that Treatment, somedays he got very sick in his stomach from the Tumodar & woke up so many nights with BAD headache!! I feel so sorry for him...wish I could just take all those pains away from him...it's just so hard to see someone you love going through pain like that:-( May 31st, he had his MRI at UW Medical saw Dr. Mrugala his Neuro-Oncologist up there and the Result of the 1st round of treatment wasn't good. Dr. Mrugala told us that the swelling in the brain is down but the cancer is back and that's NOT good, he said:-( So he is now on his 2nd round of treatment Avastin & Carboplatin. He will be going to UW Medical Center next Wednesday July 11 for his 6 weeks MRI at 3pm & will see his Neuro-Oncologist Dr. Mrugala at 4:30pm. Will continue to pray for some kind of good news. We have 2 boys age 15 yrs old & the younger one, he will be 10 years old on July 17. My Husband retired from the US Navy January of 2010 after 22 years in service. We were looking forward to have new life outside the Military but now found ourselves dealing with Steve having Brain Cancer:-(

Latest update from MRI this past Wednesday July=11-2012....Dr. Mrugala walked into the room with a great big smile on his face & told us that the MRI looks very good and that the Treatment of Avastin & Carboplatin is working. We are very happy & thankful to hear the wonderful news. Today is October-20-2012. So far his last 3 MRI came out good. Next MRI will be November 14-12.
MRI on November 14 showed that the Original Tumor is still stablized but there is a new " Spot" in the same area where the big tumor was taken out during his brain surgery on January 30-2012. Still waiting for the call from his Neuro-Oncologist up at UW Medical to see if Steve will go for another brain surgery. What a long difficult road!!
The MONSTER is back so Steve will be going for another Brain Surgery on December-7-2012 at University Of Washington Medical.
Surgery on December-7-2012 went well. His Neurosurgeon Dr. Silbergeld removed 90% of the tumor.
Today is December-29-12.Steve is recovering good but "slow" from his last surgery. His balance seems to be getting worse:-( and I have noticed that his short term memory is not too good now. In the past few days, he has had few falls. I have to help him with almost every basic things now.
Today is January-30-13. Steve had MRI on Jan-23-13. MRI imaging showed rapid progression of tumor and new tumor by the brain stem area. Friday Jan-25-13, I was told the dreaded news by his Neuro-Oncologist that my beloved husband of 19 years has less than 6 months to live:-(

I lost my Beloved Husband and Best Friend of 19 years years at 2:10pm Washington State time today after an 12 months courageous battle with deadly Brain Tumor GBM. I miss him greatly, but am thankful that it is over and he is free from cancer, suffering , pain and now resting in the arms of Jesus. I have learned so much about the Brain, Life and Death through this difficult journey. I am thankful that I was able to fulfill his wishes and tried my very best to provide the very best care & loved him through his last breath today February-28-2013. I Love you Honey....together we have build a very good life together. You have been a Great husband to me & Dad to our 2 sons Jon 15 and Austin 10 years old. I will always forever Love you & Cherish all the great memories we have shared together.

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