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mydaughtertina's Message Board Messages

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My beautiful 40 year old daughter died of colon cancer with mets to the liver. She didn't make it, it was terrible and in the end she bled to death dute to the mets to her liver. Chemo made her weak and feeling lousy, Chemo knocked her down and she ended up in bed for days. she was also very weak. I have made a decision, if I should get this friggin horrible disease I will not do chemo, radiation or alternatives. I would have a better life this way, why should I suffer with chemo which is worst than the disease? Remission also means the cancer in under control FOR NOW, but 8 of 10 times it comes back into other areas of your body. So even with chemo remission may be possible, but for how long?

Colon Cancer

by mydaughtertina - August 25, 2017

I was on this site after my beautiful daughter passed away, May 30, 2013. Tina had colon cancer which metastasized in her liver. Her husband and I were her care takers. My Tina was only 40 when we lost her. I have never recovered, I work with my family doctor, a NP, and grief counselor. I just cannot come to terms with losing my daughter. My granddaughter was 18 when her mom passed, she quit college and drinks her life away every day, she will not dicuss her mom. My son in law remarried, but my granddaughter and I are broken forever. I was bad enough with Tina passing, but how she passed is so devastating. Since the cancer went into her liver in the end she bled to death, we were emptying bed pans of blood, she went blind due to lack of oxygen to her brain. She died a terrible death and my God she didn't derserve what she went through. I keep seeing over and over her suffering and I cannot see past that trauma to remember my daughter when she was well. I am told I have PTSD, I still cry every day, just stare at the wall or TV, and cannot accept what has happened to my daughter. I met some really great people on this site, it is a great place to be be when you can hardly talk about it or even breathe. My poor granddaughter barely talks to anyone now, so young to lose your mom when it is the most important time of her life, I don't know if I will get her back again either, she just cannot accept this and she was holding her mother's hand when Tina took her last breath, she had to graduate HS without her mom as well. I don't need any guidance because I am getting medical help still - 4 years later. This cancer is a ride to hell and the suffering of your loved one destroys your life as well. Show your love every day to your loved one who is dying, my daughter wouldn't even talk about it, but I never left her side, and I still haven't. God Bless. Brenda

I tried to send this to CC as abuse but it came back to me as the one being abusive.

Dear Avery,

I cannot believe what I just read. How can a mother say 'just suck it up'? Isn't your sister your mother's daughter? I have never heard of such heartless comments. This is so reprehensible. So what if your mother lives in another state, I lived in another state and was with my daughter, It is heartbreaking enough for someone you love with all your heart to be so sick, but I truly cannot believe your mother's words. Take care of yourself as well Avery, and you are doing the best you can with all that you are dealing with. Tina Leigh's Mom, Brenda

My beautiful 40 year young daughter passed away 5/30/13 from colon cancer with mets to the liver. I am so heartbroken and lonesome without her, she was my heart, my life and reason for living. I will probably cry for the rest of my life but that is the way it is, some days are just impossible and I don't want to go on, I just want to be with Tina. By accident I found this great site on 'grief' www.recover-from-grief.commaybe it will help some of us here on the site, it helped me and my son in law, but life cannot ever be the same for us. Good luck. Brenda

Sarah

I so agree with you, it is their illness, help them, love them, and help them go on each day. Arguments are over, it is 'time out' forever.

Be patient with your dad he is scared to death. Just love and hold him, as he did when you were a baby.

Prayers,

Bremda

Dear Dharmagirl,

The exact same thing happened to my beautiful daughter who passed away 5/30/13. She had such a wonderful day on Tuesday, finally eating, drinking and interacting with us, she went into decline on the next day, and passed away on the following day Thursday. This is a blessing, I was so happy. But I knew in my heart that I was losing the most important person in my entire life, and I suffer everyday over her loss. Wishing you love and prayers. Brenda

PhyllisA,

We all hate cancer, it takes the love of our lives from us, children, husband, wives. It makes us mentally as ill as the one we love and care for. Such sadness and sorrow comes with this horrible disease. I will never in my life understand why my daughter, as you all wonder 'why' with your loved one. So unfair, so devastating and terrible. Wish you all well, we are all going and have been through it, I am 8 months later, after the loss of my daughter Tina, still in shock, still cry constantly and know in my heart that it will be this way for me until I die. No matter what anyone says, life will never be the same for me again, the loss will never lessen. Love, Brenda

Dear Fredward,

Yes I lost it many times when my daughter was so ill. You did all you could do, I am now 7 months without my beautiful daughter, and I still cry my heart out, life will never ever be the same. I miss her so much. She passed away at home as she insisted, we were with her every minute. Don't carry anymore guilt, try to find peace as I am trying to do, but losing a child, I know I will never really find peace. I take baby steps, everyday, never knowing when I will break down, I have a wonderful doctor who is standing by me to make this terrible situation for me barely bearable. But if she wasn't there I know in my heart I could never even exist. Please see your MD and see if there is something that will help you cope somewhat, and I wish you peace and love. Brenda

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About mydaughtertina

Colon Cancer

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