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saintsteven57's Recent CancerCompass Activity

  • SaintSteven57 has created a new message board discussion

    I am home from the hospital and recovering nicely but I have this build up at night of this GOO ( a thick mucus type stuff I don't know what to call it) it builds up on the left side of my mouth is very hard and thick and I am having a horrible time getting rid of it in the mornings. I have tried Hot Coffee hot tea, honey water, ice water, carbonated soda, hot shower. Nothing seems to cut this stuff so I end up chewi...

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    • SaintSteven57 has created a new message board discussion

      After getting thru stage 4 throat cancer i now am having trouble opening my mouth. Found out yesterday it's cancer again. The Dr.s are talking about a surgery and if I understood correctly they will cut me from my left ear to the middle of my chin, then cut out my jaw bone, remove the cancer, fill in tissue in my neck with tissue from my chest, replace my jaw bone and stitch me up. I'm terrified! visions of trachs...

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      About saintsteven57

      Survivor, Patient
      Tonsils Cancer, Head and Neck Cancer
      Cancer Nutrition, Diet, Emotional Support, Recipes, After Treatment

      I need to let this out. Aug. 09 I was told I had Stage 4 tonsil cancer with nodes involved. I went into surgery to have a chemo port and feeding tube installed. I woke up in ICU 2 days later with a tracheotomy, unable to speak, and scared to death. 10 days later I came to my parents house for care (my mom had COPD and was on hospice care). Suction machines, breathing machines, feeding tube, trachea, hospital bed, and more crap than you should ever have to have. So I am terminal stage 4, my mom is dying and I'm right on her heals. Now my wife and I have been separated since 01, in the last 5 years she did not have 5 words to say to me, we never talked or saw each other the divorce paperwork was at the lawyers office, then it happened. Jenifer (my wife) went to her hair dresser ( a mutual friend) and found out I had cancer and that if she wanted to see me she should do it now. I don't think she was prepared for how bad I was. I had given up, I was dying and just marking the days. Jenifer would have none of that! As things do for me they went from bad to worse. My trachea was protruding and I could not breath, off to the ER where the key stone doctors put me thru 3 hours of hellish pain and numerous probes down my throat and trachea, blood was everywhere, I was coughing blood 15 feet out into the hallway, they would not give me anything for the pain, said I had to be alert. Jenifer never left my side, holding my hand and smiling at me with loving concerned eyes, but never left me alone…. The next weekend my feeding tube plugged up and back we went to the key stone doctors after 2 hours of this that and the other they decided to replace the tube. The Doctor forgot to deflate the ball inside my stomach and just ripped it out of me inflated and put a new tube in, once again Jenifer never left my side. Jenifer has been here for me every day, she helped me with showers, shaved my head, made me get out of bed and move and was a real pain in the ass. I will love her forever for being that pain in the ass. Had it not been for Jen and the kids I would not be here today. They showed me I was loved and cared about and needed. Drives back and forth to treatment, laundry, water, company, a reason to live. I finished treatment 12-31-09 ( happy new year ) I got my PET scan on Feb 16, 10, it showed me cancer free I could not wait to tell everyone most of all my Jenifer and my mom, she cried, I cried, Jen cried. All happy tears. 3 days later Feb. 19, 2010 mom died at home with all her loved one's around her. She went peacefully and calmly. She hung on until she knew her son was going to be okay. I miss her so very, very much. I have lost everything I had worked 40 years for. Money gone, 401K gone, insurance gone, mother gone, However I did get my wife and kids back. I just hope it's not a temporary thing that cancer will take from me after all this is over. I told the lawyer just to put the paperwork in his file and wait to hear from us. I hope he never does I was a beast of a man 6' 1" 350 lbs line backer. Musician, singer, airborne, special forces just a huge rock of Gibraltar, a few extra pounds but no one would have thought me over 250 I was just a big strong man. I lost 130 lbs thru treatment ( thank god I had some extra weight to lose ) i'm now 230 lbs. a mere shadow of the man I was. All my strength and stamina are long gone. Strangers can't believe I had cancer because I look tan ( radiation burns) and healthy but there is very little of me left inside or out. Depression haunts my days and nights. Now Jenifer has had a nervous breakdown and I feel 100% responsible. I now have a better idea of how she felt. I am unable to help her and it is killing me. I wish I had died and spared her the months of anguish I put her thru. Much like my mom when the dust finally settled Jenifer collapsed emotionally. I have been trying to support her and recover from cancer and I'm not sure I am up to both, but Jenifer never quit, never faltered, never gave up, never surrendered (my kind of solider). I will help get her thru this just as she saved me I will save her with love and support. It was one hell of a winter, but spring has sprung and hope rains eternal.

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