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waiting's CancerCompass Friends

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About waiting

Caregiver
Colon Cancer
After Treatment, Cancer Diagnosis, Cancer Nutrition, Cancer Prevention, Cancer Treatments

hi my name is --------, my husband recently passed away from colon cancer - he was diagnosed in March of 2012 - they gave him 3 to six months - he lived for 21 months. He opted not to have chemo- and was taking a low dose morphine tablet - and went on a morphine pump about 5 to 6 months ago - he always displayed a very positive attitude and never complained - he died on December 2, 2013 - he wanted to pass at home - and he had psws coming in - the last 4 to 5 months - 5 days a week - for a total of 35 hours - each week - I miss him terribly - but I know he is in a better place - I have seen a lone star in the sky - 3 times now - we had discussions about when he would not be here and he said he would guide me. I know and anyone out there taking care of a family member with cancer or any other serious illness that it takes its toll. It is very stressful - The day after he passed - the daughter-in-law said now I will be able to do the things I need to do - as I am in the insurance business - and the company I work with has been absolutely amazing during this journey. My reply - was I would not have changed a thing and I knew in that moment I meant it - even though at times I felt I was going absolutely insane. I did not feel a sense of relief - which many people had told me I would feel at the end of this journey - I did not feel anything - as I was in automatic protective mode. Now several weeks later - I feel the loss acutely - however I am strong and will be ok - I may even volunteer to help other cancer patients - or collect moneys for research through a cancer volunteer association. I often wish he was still here - but that would be selfish - as he was so thin at the end - and was definitely ready to meet his maker. I pray for him - and offer a prayer to anyone who is going through the hard times of losing a loved one through a slow process.

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